2020

 In a bad year Queen Elizabeth will call it "annus horribilis" as she did in 1992 describing it as "not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure".

 I do not wish to list the sequence of events which saw the Covid 19 pandemic raging through the globe, killing millions, bankrupting businesses and wrecking the lives of many. This I am sure will be well discussed in social media together with other events like the defeat of Trump and our very own Singapore election which saw the appointment of a first leader of the opposition in the country. 

Instead I will document how these happenings have influenced my perceptions and feelings.

 The predominant feeling is like standing on shifting sand, not knowing what's next. Even now we are not sure whether like other countries we will encounter another wave of the virus and whether there will be another lockdown. Then there is uncertainty whether the vaccine roll out will really bring life back to some normalcy.

Another predominant feeling is one of despair alternated by feeling blessed to be in the right country and also not affected financially. This is accompanied by some sense of guilt mixed with relief about being on the right side of inequality. Inevitably there is spiritual questioning about the rationale of different life destinies or as Janan Ganesh of Financial Times puts it, whether we should "accept the role of randomness in life".

With all routines disrupted one feels a lack of control especially during the lockdown period. Without structure or order coupled with lots of idling time I reflected a fair bit about life, death and purpose. At my age every year means a lot in terms of opportunity to travel and see more of the world lest sickness or weakness deprives such pleasure. There were times when I asked myself  what would I do for the rest of my life if I can't continue to travel or engage with my pre-Covid activities. This then leads to the question about purpose. Is life's purpose just about exciting the senses to the maximum?

News about mental health problems, rise of family violence and protest against lockdown make me realize not only how gregarious human beings are but also how lost man can feel when left alone with himself. Perhaps with no distractions and having to face his lone self, he struggles with existential anxieties of some sort. 

Of course I can escape such moodiness in various ways. I can spend all my time punting the stock market or fall into a keep-fit frenzy with the aid of fitness videos or embark on religious pursuits like meditating and reading religious text. In the end I did all of these albeit in ad hoc bits and pieces. Along the way however I reconfirm the virtue of "living in the present moment" through my new found hobby of gardening. It also dawns on me from experiences in self publishing a Children's book during the Covid pandemic that the satisfaction derived from creativity is more rewarding than returns on financial investments. 

In some sense you can say 2020 surfaces many paradox. They include: 

• inequality ↔ increase in volunteerism & giving
• family violence ↔ opportunities for family bonding
• lockdown ↔ cleaner air
• mask protection against virus ↔ mask pollution of earth
• retrenchment ↔ boom in new sector jobs
• badly hit blue collar and service workers ↔ new focus on employee welfare
• emotional toll ↔ increased openness about mental health
• de-globalisation  ↔ interdependence to fight the virus

Janan Ganesh of Financial Times talks about the struggle by analysts to derive coherent lessons from the Covid 19 pandemic as the "need to see shape or order in scattered events to explain and not just to record them".

This teaching from Buddha comes to my mind:

 "Praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow come and go like the wind"   

   So too 2020

YOLO

 It is heartening to know that the millennials from  rich families which have benefitted from old economy assets are beginning to place importance on ESG (Environment, Social and Governance). They differ from their forefathers (baby boomers and before) who have less qualms plundering natural resources and exploiting cheap labour. I begin to wonder why baby boomers are generally more materialistic and less social conscious compared to the younger generations. 

Baby boomers grow up witnessing the hardship their parents underwent to meet the basic needs and are thus inclined to value material possession and wealth as important goals in life. This is especially true in Asian societies which emphasize collectivism and societal approval. Material possession and wealth which brings about status and societal admiration, is often regarded as the source for happiness and is of paramount importance. According to a research published in Frontiers in Pyschology Oct 2017, "Asians' attitudes towards wealth reflect the public meaning of self which is a social attribute, whereas Westerners' attitudes towards wealth reflect the private meaning of the self."

Fortunately many millennials have adopted different definition of success from their parents. Success is measured by what they do and experience and not what they own. Those who can make an impact in society or find fulfilment in their work are considered more successful than those who work just for a fat paycheck. Many also aspire to build a freelance career that they enjoy or create an impactful startup, deviating from the well trodden paths their parents wish of them. Freedom has also become a marker of success. Instead of craving for physical possession they value the freedom to gain new experiences. Happiness and success means going for novelty ie. meeting new people and trying new things.

Basically then the answer to why baby boomers are more materialistic than the younger generations is :

Baby Boomers just want to "Look Good" in the eyes of others

Millennials just want to "Be Happy". For them its YOLO (You only live once)

Someone has to take out the garbage

 

Rohit Brijnath wrote an amusing piece entitled The Complexity of Singledom in today's Sunday Times.

"We like space more than Neil Armstrong did, can be more fastidious than a finishing school matron and view compromise as an idea with limited elasticity. We'll stretch, but only so far." He speaks of the love for freedom and independence expressed by older singles and how they are so accustomed to their own peculiar ways that intimacy becomes a risk they are not prepared to take. They prefer to "live free and answerable to no one within their four walls".

The phrase "answerable to no one" really sounds refreshing. A lady participant in a class on "Happiness Act" run by the Silver Academy recounted how she took leave from her family and stayed away for a year to experience freedom from responsibilities of being a mother and wife. The rest of us participants marveled at the idea.

In the article Rohit went on to describe why younger couples can forgo such independence. "When you are young, you're building something as a duet, a house, a life, a future",  alluding that for older singles most of these goals would have been accomplished in some measure. Reflecting on my younger days I think this is quite true. The common goal of bringing up children and building a conducive home environment for the family pushes aside the desire for freedom and raises the tolerance to live with the idiosyncrasies of your spouse. Now that the children are grown and the home has become a home for decades, common goals have to be re-established. Those blessed with grandchildren may replicate old goals in a new format while those without grandchildren may have to create common projects to divert their focus from each other's neurotic ways.

Rohit interviewed a few older single ladies to find out what they want in a relationship if at all. One wants a partner as a travelling companion, another for the warmth of touch and for Rohit himself a book browsing pal. 

Well, truth be told I do indeed appreciate my husband a bit better when we travel because I don't have to worry about navigating the complex subways of Tokyo or fear being trapped at some rough terrain on country hikes. Though we never ever go book browsing together, the warmth of a rub on my sore back can certainly sooth the pain that being married occasionally brings. Besides someone has to take out the garbage when I'm definitely not going to.

Two Way Cultivation

 "The implication is that therapeutic horticulture may potentially boost immunity and moderate geriatric conditions, including inflammatory diseases, dementia and depression."- Ms Angelia Sia, deputy director of Ecology, on the results of a recent NParks research paper.

According to the research, interacting with nature helps to improve mental well being and gardening helps to stimulate memory. Apparently another project to study the effects of therapeutic horticulture on elderly people who are at risk of cognitive decline found that the experimental group who attended the horticulture activities for 24 weeks were significantly less anxious, happier and showed improvement in cognitive function. It appears that they also have healthier sleep patterns.

This is indeed very encouraging news for me as I have developed some interest in gardening arising from the Covid lock down. Every morning after a few sips of coffee I will take a review of the plants in my small garden. Often my cat will join me. It used to be that a tiny garden lizard will scuttle off to hide but increasingly it seems to be less afraid of me and will just keep very still on a branch or perform a few acrobatic swings. So talking to my cat or the baby lizard will be my first daily interaction with another living creature which is often far more uplifting than talking to a human being who will either greet me with some depressing piece of world news or some grouchy ramble. Then of course I will also talk to my plants, not with much thinking but just a natural response when examining their condition like "hmmm... you can't take too much sunlight can you?" Indeed this is what they call interaction with nature.

Now I am not sure whether gardening will stimulate memory but it certainly needs a bit of thinking and analysis as well as research. Sometimes it flashes an insight into life too. For instance when pruning a pot of dense Moss Roses or Nine O'clock flowers, I think about times in our life when we have too much on our plate and the necessity to abandon some commitments so that we can thrive on the rest.

In trying to grow a certain plant for the first time I have to assume the right conditions for it to grow. I will then provide those conditions to the best that I can and hope for the best. David Cooper who wrote the book "A Philosophy of Gardens" describes it as humility to trust that nature will run its course. Likewise in life we can only do what seem right and true to ourselves but we cannot dictate the outcome. We can only try again and again adjusting the various conditions but if the plant is not suitable for our climate then we have to accept that fact. Occasionally however, plants can also surprise you with either their resilience or reward you for your faith in them. 

Cooper also pointed out that the commitment and discipline to care for the plants instils a structure that can extend to caring for oneself. 

Latent desire to Become

 According to Freud the conscious mind is just the tip of the iceberg with unconsciousness making the bulk unseen. In his book Incognito, neuroscientist David Eagleman points out that most of the time we do not have conscious control of how we think and feel. According to Buddhist psychology people tend to act habitually, unconscious of their actions. These so called "latent tendencies" govern our feelings, mental  and bodily responses resulting in how we often act or behave.

Among the latent tendencies there is the latent tendency for 'Becoming" which is somewhat a desire to become something or someone or a sense of what you are in relation to the world at large. In the west it may be a desire to explore one's uniqueness and define oneself by the difference, while in the East it may be a constant desire to become someone who is accepted or respected in the community. My thought is focused on the later. There is always an underlying need to adapt to conventional expectation. This latent tendency to become that 'someone' can be intensified or aggravated by previous bad experiences of rejection or humiliation. It becomes the reality in a person's view of the world such that he may obsess over how others think of him.

I think Asians generally like to compare with others and are more afraid of losing face, hence the fear of failure and fear of missing out (FOMO). This leads them to hanker for labels collectively considered as marks of success and pursue conventional paths which may or may not bring about true happiness. In fact quite often the continuous strive for these benchmarks or the inability to achieve them bring much emotional suffering. 

What triggers me to rant as above is upon reading a letter written by a tuition teacher in the forum page of our newspaper. She recounted experiences with parents who pressurized their children to perform in school exams. One child expressed hatred for his parents while another harboured thoughts of ending her life due to the stress. Perhaps the parents meant well to groom their children for an "easier" adult life. But it is wiser for these parents to be aware of their children's overall well being and not to succumb to their latent tendencies to Become the labelled successful parent "whose children made it to XXX school, YYY college and ZZZ company" or even worse instill in their children similar latent tendencies for an entire lifetime.

Bringing up the Past

 

Many people like to share old photos on chat groups. They probably spend quite a lot of time looking through old photo albums.  My husband's brother is one of them. He will share in the family chat group old childhood photos of the family living in their kampung house. The chat group will come alive recalling memories and quizzing each other facts about old neighbours and landmarks. They seem to have so much fun that it reaffirms my perception that they grew up in a happy family home. They certainly will benefit if they continue to do so as they grow old especially if  stirring up memories and communicating help in mental well being.

On my side of the family however old photos are scarce. My parents didn't purchase a camera and any old pictures we had were usually taken by visiting relatives. Oh yes, there was a family photo taken at the studio with everyone dressed up. I still have it but I hardly look at it because it doesn't make me smile. Well we grew up in a stormy home where my parents often fought, so it is only rationale not to recall those unhappy times. 

I am not sure whether the habit of trying to forget the past causes me to have an exceptionally poor memory. I can even forget incidents when I had been treated badly at work until an ex-colleague brought it up again. "Oh, I have forgotten about it. But now that I remember I won't forgive..." I would jest.

My husband and my children can talk excitedly about places of interest which we have visited and I would have little impression of them. I also do not really bother to look up pictures taken during those travels or dig up photos of my children when they were young. Hopefully forgetting the past helps me to be more present. However it could also be that constant thinking about the future overshadows thoughts about the past.

Of course living in the moment is most ideal because every moment that is not "lived with presence" is lost forever. Happy memories are only good to recollect as long as one does not cling onto them. That means not always living in the past, not comparing the happy and glorious past to the present in despair. Many baby boomers like to reminisce about their younger years be it of their career or family life with implied longing of the "good old days". We have to be careful not to be stuck in the past, raving about the past and ranting the present social way of life.

As Mexican writer, Domenico Cieri once said

 "Bring up the past only if you are going to build from it"

Right Speech

 

Among the Eightfold Noble Paths taught by Buddha is 'Right Speech'. It generally refers to talking with good intention ie. not to lie, not to gossip, not to be rude and speaking with kind intention. 

It also includes when to speak and when not to. This I learnt over and over again and especially so during my last workshop session for children caught in between their divorced parents. I was alerted that a boy mandated to attend the workshop is hyperactive. Indeed he was quite a handful to manage, but for 2 sessions in a row amid his ongoing restlessness he shared that he felt ignored by his mother who has custody over him. 

So with good intention, I met the mother after the session to share with her the feedback. As the child's attendance was mandatory, most parents just want to chalk up the attendance record and bolt after the session. So I intended it to be brief which was also what the mother wanted from her body language. So I just plonged into giving her the son's expression of being neglected. What caught me by huge surprise was the mother jumping to self defence perceiving it as an accusation of her poor parenting.

My big mistake was not getting her first to share about the mother-child bonding before giving her the feedback. It turned out that the boy has ADHD and can become quite aggressive especially when not on medication. Hence she often has to leave him by himself while she stays in her own room. She went on defensively (my sense of it ) to quote many incidents when she could hardly control his behaviour. 

I then realised it was not the right timing neither was it the right platform to discuss further. So the session ended with some motherhood statements from me suggesting the importance of self care and getting emotional help when needed. I must say the session didn't end well as she seemed disturbed and ruffled.

So even if the intention was good, choosing the wrong time to speak (ie. talking before listening) was unwise. If I had first listened to her story my approach in sharing the feedback would certainly have been more subtle and effective. My excuse was not having the luxury of time. However if that was true, the timing and the platform were certainly not conducive.

Don't we often make these mistakes in our daily dealing with people?

 

Not knowing what to expect

 

The past week I have this feeling like I am standing on shifting sand, similar to when the sea waves moves the sand under your feet. 

Early in the week Singapore's oldest departmental store, the 162 year old Robinson announced its closure. My mother grew up in Chulia Street near where it was first located. She shared that it was then patronised by the Europeans and rich locals and she could only marvel at the window displays. Her cousin who worked as a cleaner perished in the store's 1972 fire. When Robinson moved to Orchard Road it no longer was the haunt for just the expatriates and the rich. As it was near to my work place I loved to drop in after a quick lunch. I really loved the store decoration especially during Christmas when the home department sparkled with exquisite trinkets and delightful gift ideas. It was voted the best dressed mall for Christmas quite a few times. Its closure signaled the irrelevance of departmental stores' business model and our changing lifestyle in general. It just makes you feel there is nothing you can hold onto forever.

Another event this week which makes me feel hollow is the US presidential election. You watch aghast as the President blatantly lied about illegal votes and fabricating a conspiracy that stole his victory, to a point that seems he was instigating his supporters to use violence. What is so shocking and incomprehensible to me is that almost half the US voters either believe him or choose to support him despite his lies and shocking behaviour.  It just defies logic. Trump once said "I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters." It seems frightening to me that people can simply reject reasoning or are so lacking in moral fiber to maintain their support despite knowing that he lied. 

Covid-19 has already brought forth feelings of anguish. These 2 events only exacerbate my not knowing what to expect. 

Little Milestones plus Discipline

 Read this interview with Ash Dykes, the first Welsh man to trek the length of the Yangtze River and also watched his documentary on National Geographic.

Of particular interest to me is when Ash shared about Life lessons he picked on the way. He described how walking up to 16 hours alone put him in a kind of meditative state. "The pains become numbed and it all becomes quite tranquil and you're sort of in the zone." It also enabled him to do deep thinking, planning and focusing on his goals. 

Ash Dykes advocates breaking a goal into smaller milestones. He recounted how the goal of trekking the length of the Yangtze seemed so overwhelming with so many challenges. However breaking it into smaller sections and focusing how to achieve each of them was how he did it. He also spoke about managing expectations and self discipline as essential. He said "Although we can't always be motivated, we can be disciplined."

I think these are good advice. How often we want to achieve something or realise some long harboured dream in our life but shy of trying because it looks quite impossible. We moan the lack of finances, lack of training, lack of opportunities, waning fitness and energy, other commitments and a host of other reasons.

Maybe you need to get lost and run in circles to even know what you truly desire. It helps to remember (especially for retirees like us) that we no longer need approval from anyone. We can fail as many times as we like and we do not need to look good in the eyes of any. And of course it doesn't need to be something big or creative as what most social media advocate. If giving and serving your family brings you most joy and satisfaction, then that is the purpose which you are born with, that is the unfolding of your true self and that is your goal. Enjoy doing just that and stop comparing with others who seem to lead a more purposeful , more interesting or more 'whatever' life.

Above all I like Ash Dykes' advice about discipline. Without discipline we will languish in our dream day after day.

Like the lecturer on a short Creative Writing course which I attended said "Just get out a piece of paper and pen and write a paragraph a day". That is truly what Ash Dykes calls little milestones plus discipline.

Myths and Truths for Children of Divorced Parents

 

The workshop for Children Caught-in-Between (of their divorced parents' conflict) has resumed. The first session introduces the common misbeliefs or "myths" (as we term them) among these children. Looking back on my past encounters with children of divorced parents, I am more and more convinced that these are really very common misconceptions in their minds. 

The first "myth" as we share with the children is "I caused my parents' divorce". As divorced couples often fight over the custody of their children, it is not surprising for the children to think they are the cause of the conflict. As one boy explained every time his father punished him for misbehaving, his mother would disagree with the mode of punishment and that would trigger another quarrel and fight between them. 

The second misbelief " I can get mum and dad back together" is so prevalent. Once when I pointed out that the truth is "No matter how hard you try, you can't get your mum and dad together again", a little girl said directly into my face "You are very mean to say that". What she was actually alluding to was the cruelty in my snuffing out the kindles of her last hopes. 

The third myth "I am not part of a family anymore" is another common belief. Children often expressed surprise when we say that "You will always be part of a family". Many ask how that is possible when the family members are not staying together. Once when asked to draw their family even if it means the picture would include 2 or more households, a boy refused to draw any picture at all. When asked he just retorted that he was invisible and cannot be seen, hence there is no picture to be drawn. I think that is an expression that he and his family don't exist anymore.

The fourth myth " I have to help my parents cope with the divorce" is most poignantly portrayed in the sand story of a child during sandplay therapy (an expressive therapy making use of a sand tray and little symbols and figurines). In her story which she enacted with little toys and figures on the sand tray, a father who was sick would be left alone in an island with little food and clean water while the wife and daughter was about to embark on a long journey up the river. The entire hour of the sandplay session was about the daughter in the story being very very busy storing up food and fetching clean water for the father. All the small pots and jars displayed on the shelves in the therapy room were used and seemed insufficient for the story. Not only that, the story went on that the house could be blown off by very strong winds and the daughter had to make sure all the household items were properly protected as well.

Sometime I just feel it is so hard for these children to make cognitive sense of their parents' separation. Their little minds traverse between reality and fantasy . Fortunately given the resilience in kids, we can help them see and accept reality. As one child played out a scenario in her story during a sandplay session, a little chicken wearing sunglasses boarded a cab. The cab sped across a battlefield to reach a safe place at the far end. The little chicken cried "Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me" while the cab dodged the cross fires! That is what I call building emotional boundary.

( If interested to find out more about how I perceive children's inner feelings, read my other blog by clicking this link below:

https://hearchildrenvoices.blogspot.com/

Purchase of Satisfaction

 

I have a white Taiji classmate who is above 70 years old. She is born in Australia and married to a Malaysian Chinese turned Singaporean. As their children are in Australia and UK they have decided recently to sell their house in Singapore and rent an apartment while reconsidering where they should domicile in their elderly years.

Many interested buyers viewed and offered . Though the offer prices were right all of them wanted to flatten the property and rebuild it into a 4 storey house with bigger built in area. My classmate feels that the house can still be lived in and tearing it down is a terrible waste of material and resources. Hence she and her husband were hesitant and despaired over the delay in getting a "good buyer". Just when they were about to accept the fact that in Singapore people go for maximum utility of space, a Singaporean couple who have recently returned from overseas found her place lovely and intended to just restore and renovate it, keeping the outdoor space intact. So they readily agreed to the offer and felt the couple was a last minute god-send. 

Similarly there is another friend who years ago decided to sell her house to her neighbour's daughter even though their offer fell short of the highest bid price by 10%. She told me she took comfort in knowing that her former neighbour is living close to her daughter.

Truly these are people who nudge me into reviewing my habitual attitude towards maximizing monetary returns which of course was exacerbated by my role in my previous career. To maximize return on money is really to maximize our purchasing power. We then have to consider what to purchase to gain maximum satisfaction. Does the satisfaction just lie in the joy of seeing the multiplication of zeros in the bank accounts and the asset value? 

Bill Perkins, the author of the  book "Die with Zero" once said "The optimal utility of money" is using money to gain the maximum great experiences in one's living years. I think for my 2 friends great experience includes feeling happy when thinking about a warm family gathering inside one's former home or visualizing a couple sharing a quiet evening under the tree which one planted in a former home garden. 

A little Inertia may be a Good thing

 

Truth be told, this Covid Pandemic has caused some inertia in me. I have kind of adapted to staying at home most of the time. I was not really exhilarated when informed that some of the Pre-Covid voluntary work and certain other activities will resume. In the early days of restrictions, I often wondered upon waking up how to occupy myself for the day. When reading about all the great work and sacrifices our local 'heroes' were doing I felt a bit like a useless person lazing around. This was especially so when other members in the family were having zoom office meetings at home.

Along the way I have learned to enjoy gardening and sewn a few sets of curtain. When I am totally absorbed in my garden or when my eyes are glued to the needle of the sewing machine chugging along, my mind is not ruminating or side tracking. Maybe you can say I am present. Although when telling stories at the library I am also quite 'present', the back of my mind may still be sneaking in questions like "Why is the parent at the back looking so bored?" or "Did I just make a grammatical error?" Really a lot of side ruminations occurring in most of our activities are related to reflection of self or image of self. Only when one is fully engaged can one be with the flow.

I also began writing another blog to document my thoughts on how I understand a child's mind through sandplay therapy. I went over some of the past case notes especially of cases which have left deep impression on me. As I reread and ponder, I marvel at how this media really helps a child to express what they can never speak about or to reveal subconscious issues which they themselves may not know. Yet this type of therapy is never popular with parents nor with institutions as it is often viewed as mere play with little evidence of usefulness. To be very honest although I strongly believe in its effectiveness as a form of expression I can't really attest that expression by itself is a good enough form of catharsis. Moreover it is a form of therapy that takes time for the child to feel safe after several sessions to explore deeper into their emotional self. Very few parents have this type of patience or can afford such time. Yet as I write about it I feel energised. I shall continue to review the case notes and write about it. It may lead me to some new directions or it may not but I will just go with the flow.

Again this quote comes to mind:

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive."- Howard Thurman- author, pholosopher, educator.

That perhaps is the meaning of  "Being" and that is why we are called human beings.

"That had to Be"

 

Visited Sentosa yesterday. The scaffolding was up around the Merlion, preparation for it to be torn down. I took a picture of it because it really seemed to be crying out in anguish. With its mouth opened it seemed to be terrified, sad, desperate and confused. Once a neon lighted icon beaming colourful lasers across the evening skyline, it now seemed to admonish the neglect of its former glory. 

I am philosophising again. If you think about it, which eldery person does not think about what the inevitable death means. The thought of "that's it folks" and "you will no longer be part of this historical world" can bring about a sense of loss, at least it is for me sometimes. The thought of complete absence from this evolving world and nothingless (ceasing to 'be') can be frightening.

That is why there is religion. Be it the promise of reunion with the supreme God or the ultimate merging with the Spiritual universe, it is comforting because there is still continuity. Under the "Terror Management Theory" (TMT) anthropologist Ernest Becker suggests that human goes through all means to ignore the inevitability of death.

Research has shown that  the less self-exalting individuals are the ones who have less fear of the end of existence. In fact affiliation to a community or group can be considered a form of TMT as it provides some comfort of continuity.

Research also tells us that older people who are able to live in the present moment are more calm and less anxious of death. Describing the last phase of life as 'ego integrity vs despair' , Erik Erickson (developmental psychologist) describes 'ego integrity" as "the acceptance of one's one-and-only life cycle as something that had to be".

Sometimes when meditating or when those rare beautiful moments occur when you feel part of the flow, you know what Erickson means when he further describes 'ego integrity' in the last phase of life as "a sense of coherence and wholeness"

 

Watch out for Industry disruptors

 

An article "What you need to know about Jack Ma's Ant Group as IPO looms" reinforces my belief that investing in equities on your own is no longer easy. The article gives you a glimpse of the rapid changes to how the commercial world functions. If we do not keep ourselves abreast of the companies we invest in, they may ride to the sunset before we know it.

We all know that the Alipay app, an offshoot of Alibaba, is the key payment app in China, but we may not know about other financial units under its umbrella. I am amazed at these other business units and how they impact the mass consumers.

Alipay has 711 million active users who use it to pay for consumer items including even property. That aside the Ant Group has 2 units that facilitate small unsecured loans for consumers. Interestingly named as Huabei (花呗 or Just Spend lah) and Jiebie (借呗 or Just Lend lah), they offer loans to around half a billion people. The bulk of the loan is financed by banks although Ant Group also uses its capital, ie. it is more like a platform for small consumer loans and credit card for the masses.

Another exciting unit is Yu'ebao (余额宝The Great Stash). With assets up to US$170 billion, it is one of the world's largest money market fund which allows people to park money as little as one Yuan with the app and earn interests. What I find most interesting is Ant Group's credit scoring unit Zhima Credit (  芝麻信用 )which checks the credit worthiness of individual consumers based on its vast data on consumers' spending and lending pattern. Consumers can opt in for the credit rating and if assigned a good credit rating maybe exempt from paying deposits on certain transactions. 

In short the Ant Group is like an fintech ecosystem offering users' access to fintech solutions that cover payment, money transfer, loan, investments and even low premium insurance. 

What rattles me is the way we used to invest, focusing on banks and blue chip companies. Gone are the days when you buy and hold a blue chip stock, receive the yearly dividend and don't even attend the AGM or read its annual report. We must now find out whether the bank stocks we hold have adopted digital banking fast enough so as not to be phased out by other fintech providers. The same applies to any company. We need to constantly watch whether it has adapted fast enough to a rapid changing world. We must find out whether its management is agile enough to evolve and shift with ever changing market demands. Think industry disruptors like Airbnb, Grab, Netflix and Spotify. Those of us who have held onto SPH shares would have regretted not being abreast of the rapid falling readership of newsprint and declining revenue from print advertisement. The same goes with departmental stores and postal services, the like of Metro and Singpost. 

Certainly managing your own stock portfolio takes a lot more time and energy than years ago. However, if investing money is a hobby it can still be worthwhile . The added incentive other than the monetary return is to delay the onset of dementia. Well,if playing mahjong is recognised as a cognitive demanding activity to slow dementia, looking after your stock portfolio should certainly be more effective. 

You would have to be on a constant look out for disruption to the companies you invest in. 

One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it

 

Recently Singaporeans found a favourite targeted 'villain' to hate. A high court judge has acquitted an Indonesian maid who appealed against her conviction of stealing $34,000 worth of items from the household of Liew Mun Leong , chairman of the Changi Airport Group. As LML is a very influential and wealthy person in the country, the case is likened to a David vs Goliath victory of truth over mean persecution. As the High court judge viewed the conviction as some misapplication of legal principles and found shortcomings on the part of the prosecution and police in handling the case, netizens who have a grudge against the elite and social inequality jumped at the opportunity to bark at the system.

I did read up a bit on the case. My takeaway is that most of us in Singapore can learn a lesson or 2 from the events which took place which led to the wrongful conviction. Although we can point fingers we ourselves are not free of the shortcomings.

Firstly, it is the prejudice and bias, a bit like that of the US police against black people. Can we dare say we will not fall into the trap of thinking that it is irrational for a family of such immense wealth to accuse the maid of theft. Will we also not think that the defence lawyer comes out with a lame defence about the victim family's motive which seems unimportant? This prejudice will affect the way one carries out the investigation falling into weaknesses of confirmation bias and lack of objectiveness. How many times do we quicken our steps when walking home at night when a migrant worker is  behind us? 

I also believe the district trial judge was under pressure when presiding a case where the victims are influential people applauded by politicians. Even if she had doubts she would prefer to err in their favour. This is a lesson on fearlessness in upholding justice and moral ethics. If not it would come back to haunt us.

Talking about that reminds me of cause and effect. When one's intention is not good, the consequences of actions out of such bad intentions will soon hurt oneself. The High court judge believed that the family had tried to frame the maid of theft after firing her and forcing her to return to Indonesia within a few hours. The maid in her anger had said she will report the family for making her work in more than one household which is against the labour law. To prevent her from coming back to Singapore the family reported to the police that she stole items from the house and piled them into carton boxes which were supposed to be shipped by the family to the maid's home. Perhaps the family thought she would never be able to enter the country with an employment pass due to the police report. What they perhaps never imagined was her return on a social visit and was arrested immediately at the airport, leading to more knots that the family had to untie and probably a situation out of their control. As Kung Fu Panda says "One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it".

The last lesson we can learn from this saga is never to be overly confident when one is in an advantageous situation. The way LML's son answered questions put to him by the defence lawyer and judge appears to be very flippant and thoughtless. He sounded like one so certain the maid would not be taken seriously such that he could pluck answers out-of-thin-air. He never thought these untrue and careless answers would one day bounce back against him. 

Of more important is the lesson never to abuse one's privilege and power.

Has it not changed all these years- The Singaporean worker

 

There is currently a lot of discussion about the mismatch between employers' requirement and Singaporean's job skills. 

A survey conducted by the American Chamber of Commerce found that the 3 skills most lacking in Singaporean professionals are willingness to take risk, creativity or critical thinking and leadership. 

According to Singapore International Chamber of Commerce chief executive, the feedback from employers is that the quality of Singapore workers is 'poor". "They have a sub-par attitude, they can not communicate clearly and concisely, they do not know how to ask questions, they do not exhibit the ability to work in cross border teams." 

I thought to myself, "Doesn't that describes me twenty years ago?" I remember having a British and an American boss during the era when Temasek linked companies were busy towing the trend of importing foreign talent to expand overseas. In exasperation, my British boss at one meeting told us "Speak to me, don't speak to one another with your body languages". The American boss also resorted to insults to get people to speak up or at least protest. 

About not knowing how to ask questions, I remember wondering during seminars why those foreigners are so spontaneous in asking questions. I would weigh the correct way to phrase a question so as not to sound stupid. By the time I got it someone has raised it already...sigh

With respect to working with cross border teams, I remember only being angry when my bosses exercise double standards with respect to the working hours between say the Aussie team and the Singapore home team. Also we expected headquarter company policies to be strictly followed ie.  lack of flexibility and as correctly put, unwillingness to take risk.

What I am truly surprised is that things have not changed much after 2 decades. I would have imagined our education system would have shaped our children differently. There is now much debate about the lack of emphasis on soft skill and over focus on grades and passing exams.

Is it all attributed to the education system or is it a cultural inclination as well? However we have brought up our children to express their views and opinion at home which is already quite a deviation from the seen-but-not-heard approach used by our own parents. 

The cultural habit and attribute which may still remain is the fear of losing face further reinforced by the "kiasu" (fear of losing and missing out) culture which seemed to have intensified during our time and hence passed on to the next generation. Perhaps the Singaporean baby boomers are to be blamed. We probably have imparted the play safe approach in life and the best way to accomplish that is to follow the charted paths of having good exam results, good degree, well paying and secure job along with the trappings of private housing and other luxuries which mark the definition of success. 

Certainly, this model has served well for both the government and the citizens for a long time. It needs to be seen how long this model will last and what needs urgently to be changed. 

Forgetting oneself

 

At a Q&A session with Ajahn Sumedho which I heard over podcast, a question was raised about dementia. As awareness is the cornerstone for Buddhist practice the questioner asked how a person loosing his intellect can still maintain awareness. Ajahn Sumedho replied that consciousness or awareness is not 'thinking' and is also not personal. 

From listening to his past talks I have been intrigued by Ajahn Sumedho's teaching that consciousness is not personal. It is quite a mental shift for me to hear that because even while meditating or practicing mindfulness you feel like you are the one who is being aware. In some sense it is quite liberating to hear that consciousness is not in the human brain or body. Instead the body or brain is part of the boundless immeasurable consciousness. To understand this will help in reducing the attachment to self.

It therefore is heartening to know that even when a person loses the capacity to think it does not mean he loses consciousness because he is part of it. As an example, you may have experienced moments in your sleep when you are aware you are dreaming even though you are not awake or thinking.

As someone puts it " Even as our brains may lose much of their ability to think in an organised fashion, we may still be capable of the wisdom of savoring ". If through practice one develops a neural pathway or a mental habit of being equanimous and accepting, it may ease the terror when the mind is gradually losing its functions and is treading into unfamiliar territories. One lady in helping her husband in his final days cope with dementia, taught him to imagine an ocean of light and to merge with the "vastness of space without fear".

https://tricycle.org/magazine/awake-and-demented/

Of Significance or not?

 

I  am reading an e-book entitled "Stuck in Halftime" by Bob Buford. He has an earlier book "Half Time: Moving from Success to Significance" which helps people find a more meaningful vocation or career for the next half of their life. This later book is meant to assist people who find themselves stuck while transitioning. The book points out certain myths and barriers that sometimes cause people to give up or revert back to their comfort zone of their original career. 

I can relate to one of the myths which he terms "The Low Commitment Myth". He calls people who live by this myth "dabblers", dabbling here and there. This is how he describes them: " They say, ' I'll sit on a few boards. Do a mission trip with my church. Volunteer occasionally to help out a local nonprofit.' They see charity as another form of recreation, not as work. And this is socially sanctioned dabbling. People say, 'That's so nice, what you are doing.They dip in and out. Mainly these people keep themselves free for pleasure trips."

Buford advocates " Having a clear and singular mission statement revolving around the "one thing" about which you are most passionate is what is needed". 

I probably fit into the type of people who embrace the Low Commitment Myth. I do occasionally feel I have not done much after leaving my finance career. Unlike the tombstones that showcase the projects achieved during my earlier career, my work/vocation as a school counsellor, story teller, sandplay therapist leave no concrete proof of efficacy not to mention 'significance'. At times like these, I ponder over whether I should embark on just one thing that would be more impactful. 

Most of the time however, I would be asking 'what is wrong in being a dabbler?', balancing charity work and leisure. Just as my earlier career was not a roaring success, neither does my charity work have to be of huge significance. Admittedly I am a mediocre by nature. The consequence of this so called Low Commitment Myth is the occasional existential despair and the hollow feeling of lacking in purpose. 

When in such despair, however, I will recall appreciating this graffiti when visiting the Berlin Wall.

Gardening the Body & Soul

 

As my pre-Covid routine is disrupted, with all fitness and volunteer activities  suspended, boredom sets in.  Fortunately I have a new found hobby in gardening which uplifted many a moody moments flooded by media coverage of all the prevailing health and financial struggles.

I discovered so many hidden benefits of gardening which include:

Physical exercise and exposure to sunshine.

Sweating buckets and drinking water is like spending time in a sauna to remove toxins. Digging soil with a changkul is actually more fun than lifting weights while aping muscled figures in a fitness video.

Mindfulness 

What really amazes me is the mental well being gardening evokes. Hours pass quickly without my noticing. The focus is intense, figuring out for each plant the conditions that promotes growth. The mind has to suspend any prevailing negative thinking.

Creativity  

So I ordered online more than $100 worth of pebbles, stones and garden soil and searched the web for inspiring garden decor ideas. It calls for creativity within limitations of a small garden space further hampered  by strict orders from husband not to touch certain existing plants and "junk".

Different needs                                                                                                                                               In recognising that different plants thrive in different types of soil with different amount of sunshine and water, it makes you reflect that it is the same with people. They flourish under the right environment and opportunities. Likewise potentials are stifled and  characters wilt under adverse circumstances. In some ways gardening helps us gain empathy. 

Every cloud has its silver lining

It seems to be that my plants take turns to bloom. I guess different plants thrive under various changing weather conditions. Occasionally too a bud pops up and blossoms into a flower rarely seen. It sends a message for us to be patient and to be hopeful. Sometimes they wilt  and sometimes they bloom. Growth and renewal follows the fading and wilting. We learn to live with all of them.

Fulfillment & Acceptance

I have always dreamed of a beautiful luscious lawn underneath our mango tree adorned with patches of flowering plants. The hard truth is nothing ever grows well because the roots of the mango tree cannibalize most plants. Accepting that this condition can never or is hard to change, we lay pebbles and gravels to form little paths on these patches of infertile ground. We then decorate them with succulent and air plants which can take harsh conditions. Now I look at my garden with some sense of fulfillment. Isn't that what life is all about too? Accepting that certain dreams are destined not to be realised while looking for alternatives that may bring hidden joy. We just have to be honest with what is achievable and what is not.

Inter-Connectedness

My garden has attracted many birds, insects and worms. At times just looking intensely at the tree trunk or at a spot on the ground, I am amazed by the multitude of tiny creatures that exist here in my garden. 

Two days ago when I do my usual garden inspection, a butterfly flew very close by. Then there were more. They made the place so sprightly and my spirits were lifted. Suddenly I wondered whether these lovely beings bear any spiritual elements of my deceased loved ones. Were they trying to connect with me? 

They seem to remind me I am in a good place being part of this WHOLE.

Be Honest with Yourself

Recently I am reading a book entitled "the art of thinking clearly" by Rolf Dobelli. The author describes in 99 short chapters the common failings of how our mind thinks. I have read only 12 chapters and I can already relate to more than half of the 12 mind warps listed. The following 4 occur for me:

Confirmation Bias:

Seeking information that supports our beliefs and refusing to explore alternative arguments against. Needless to say the most obvious example is my ardent support for the Workers Party (WP) during the election week. I didn't even listen nor read a word uttered by any minister or any incumbent PAP member. Rolf borrowed someone's quote "Murder your darlings" advising us to axe our dear friends (ie. our favourtie beliefs) and find evidences against them to truly evaluate our conviction. Now that the WP has sent 10 members into parliament, I will have to follow Rolf's advice and objectively view their performance.

Sunk Cost Fallacy:

Our mind is heavily influenced by the cost and effort sunk in a project when making decision for the future. This applies frequently to investments and relationship. Many stocks have remained in my portfolio for years because they have not recovered to the purchase price. How ridiculous, had I cut loss long ago and moved on I would definitely have gained better returns. Instead I hope to derive satisfaction when the stock price breaks even. Rolf quoted as a disastrous example the prolonged Vietnam War and the US' reluctance to walk away after so much lives have been sacrificed.

Contrast Effect:

This is a game favoured by marketeers offering discounts like "Used to be $XXX Now $xxx" or "Buy 3 for price of 2". Of late I have been doing a lot of online shopping ranging from Spotlight's curtain fabric to toiletries from Watson. I was feeling pretty satisfied with  my Watson purchases until I saw a similar item selling  even cheaper at CK Dept Store. Similarly I now regret buying a particular piece of curtain fabric at half its usual price compared to another more suitable piece at 20% discount.

Survivourship Bias:

Because success and triumph is more visible than failure, people tend to overestimate their chances of success. In particular this happens in careers that carry a lot of limelight like artists and sports stars. The number of unknown struggling artists is hardly mentioned in public media. As a matter of fact I am in the process of writing a children's book and am recognising this mind flaw  over and over again. Luckily my family members check my unrealistic expectations while still supporting me.  First I find out that I probably have to self publish it. Secondly I realise it is better to print less copies and preserve the environment than leave hundreds of unsold copies gathering dust in the store room.

As Rolf puts it: "Behind every popular author you can find 100 other writers whose books will never sell. Behind them are another 100 who haven't found publishers. Behind them are yet another 100 whose unfinished manuscripts gather dust in drawers. And behind each one of these are 100 who dream of -one day- writing a book".

That is why I have decided to write a children's book where my illustrator can do the major part of the work, livening up my mediocre story; and then I am putting in my money to self publish it. As Rolf says we have to be honest with ourselves.

危机

Today I seem to be in a flux about my investments. This follows a zoom call with a  new fund management company whose directors defected from  XYZ which I have invested in for awhile. Basically the new company's approach is based on growth  momentum which is different from the value investing approach of XYZ. Indeed value investing fund managers have not performed as well as index funds during the last couple of years.

Basically what is reeling in my mind are these questions:

-Should I play safe by having a foot each in both value investing funds and growth investing funds?
-Do I carry out a spring cleaning of my DIY portfolio of equity which is largely concentrated on SGX, cutting loss on stagnated stocks?
-Do I cash out on XYZ due to its below par performance at a time when all analysts advice holding on ?
-Do I liquidate some of my fixed income portfolio to catch the opportunity to pick up some cheap stocks during this crisis?
-Should I contemplate investing in real estate using leverage when interest rate environment is conducive?

-Will there be an imminent market crash as currently there seems to be a misalignment between financial markets and economic reality?
-Will there even be a second or third big wave of Covid 19?
-What if a vaccine is developed soon?

Just too many moving parts and uncertainty. Danger or opportunity?

Or should I just relax and not worry too much about growing money?
And focus on health fueling my hypochondria

Flashes of Optimism

Haha what can I say? I am happy with the Singapore GE 2020 results. Much has been said in social media as well as by political analysts about the drop in support for PAP the incumbent and the root causes.

I am not going to discuss these comments but will just talk about my feelings.

In the last blog just before polling day I was very moody thinking that whatever the outcome will be dark as PAP will either turn more defensive or more arrogant. I said:

"So unless there is more self awareness and more magnanimity by the incumbent party "Darkness Descends on polling day" is the sure outcome."

Quite the contrary I am now less pessimistic. I think the incumbent may now be more open to working with alternative views. First of all a leader of the opposition is appointed which is historical. In addition the young candidates whom the PAP brought in may know what is wanted by the netizens in general and may not just tow party lines if they disagree with policies mooted by the party. In other words there maybe more divergent views even within the PAP.

Personally I am quite awed by the opposition candidates, their never-say-die attitude and sacrifices.In particular I am quite taken away by the news footage of the Workers Party women candidates, dressed in blue blouse, black skirts and black canvas shoes, engaging with people at markets and town centres, always with a slight bow. It was so pleasing to look at. It was also inspiring reading how some opposition candidates patiently fought over several years for this opportunity to speak up in parliament, even at the expense of spending little time with their families.

 This spurs me to think to myself that I should also do more for our society. It prompts me to review  my current volunteer services which have been on hold for some months. I think people generally feel the need to be more united.

In short instead of dark clouds I was struck with flashes of optimism. Surely Singaporeans and  PAP have become more AWARE

How come it ends up like this?

Tomorrow is Cooling Day, one day before polling day in Singapore. No party rallies and campaigns are allowed on this day. I am not sure whether other countries have a mandatory order for people to cool down. That is the nature of our government, it enforces our emotional behaviour as well.

I was awakened by my cat's unusual agitation and aggressive meowing which is far from normal. Well none of us know what exactly she was uptight about since she ignored the food bowl after it was filled. Perhaps she has absorbed some energies from our household or perhaps some collective energies as well. So cooling off is good for her too and for me.

One guy said "Darkness descend on Friday even at nighttime whatever the results"

This is the same view shared by 2 academicians. It does not matter how many seats the PAP will garner. It will be lost trust, lost confidence, lost unity all round.

If the incumbent loses big relative to their target, they will be more insecure and will resort to more defensiveness, more gutter political tactics and less openness to alternative views.

What if the incumbent wins big time. First they will take it as acceptance of their flying solo and hardball political tactics and will continue to do so.

Then there will still be a minority who will be extremely unhappy deepening their disrespect and mistrust of the ruling party. This discontent extends even to those who have no choice but to reluctantly vote for the incumbent for want of a credible opposition in their constituency. Even the PM has admitted that an intensely unhappy minority divides the country. Strangely however he does not really bother to find out why they are so angry and really do something about it.

Voters who succumbed to the blackmail that the incumbent will comprehensively roll out measures to safeguard jobs and manage the crisis only with a strong mandate, will also resent being forced to do so much like paying ransom money for kidnapped victims. A divided society is not what we need at this juncture.

As the 2 academicians put it: "In a highly unpredictable world, decisions must tap on a much wider diversity of ideas than even before". They opined that people might however be turned off by the government's arrogance and self grandiosing ways and refrain from giving input even if sought.

So unless there is more self awareness and more magnanimity by the incumbent party "Darkness Descends on polling day" is the sure outcome.

How did it ends up like this???

This Aunty (PAP critique) is Exhausted

Today is nomination day in Singapore and I shall be rambling because I am feeling peeved.

As usual I try to be more self aware of my feelings and probe into my frustrations with the PAP supporters. How can these people allow rampant bullying by the ruling party of any opposition views year after year through prosecution, changing policies that suit them and controlling the one and only press. I philosophize about the polarisation that is present all over the world. When listening to Buddhist podcast out of California and when anti Trump netizens seek advice on managing their anger against Republicans, the teachers often suggest trying to understand the viewpoint of their opponents.

Now I try to list out the rationale of the PAP supporters:

-For the majority, they are happy with the government providing them reasonable housing, means to provide for their family including some luxuries like vacation, opportunity for college education for their children.
-Happy with the government's performance relative to neighbouring countries and the global recognition it has achieved.
-Why risk any change and rock the boat at the expense of say freedom of speech and expression

Now I list out what PAP supporters think of opposition parties' supporters:

- These people are either naive, ungrateful, discontented in nature or dreamers
- Dreamers, these so called intellectuals, often focus on liberal ideals and forget the practical realities (see the filth and the breakdown of infrastructure and healthcare system in the West)

-------------------------------------------------
Now having explored the views of PAP supporters, I find it difficult to fault them.
Yet I am still frustrated. What is it all about?

Let's not deny it. This so called meritocratic society built through years of Group Think and stifling any alternative views have resulted in a section of the community disadvantaged, and with deeply unequal footing for their children. Lee Hsien Yang puts it very succinctly " Many Singaporean feel they are running a rat race in a maze designed by the Government, which decides who to dispense rewards to. The chosen few are given a nice big slice of cake. For those who are not scholars or generals or privileged, there are only crumbs'. But of course many PAP supporters don't fall into this category. For them why bother?

This Group Think arising from towing the party line in itself is the greatest risk and threat which is kicked down the street. No regime no matter how benevolent and resourceful can last forever. Not addressing this risk is like not bothering to install a fire extinguisher now. In fact to have some balance offering an alternative voice sustains the ruling party longer.

A government with complete power and control has complete responsibility. This patriarchal mode of government has bred a society which depends and makes the government responsible for everything in their life. They are like living in a matrix.

Ok Ok my MAIN peeve at the end of the day is all their bullying tactics, GRC, HDB upgrading schedule, gerrymandering, bankrupting and prosecuting opponents and many more.

Phew... this aunty is exhausted.

Life Essentials

The ongoing expression of frustration and anger in the media by artists and those in the creative industry in response to a survey which ranked artists as the most non-essential job in Singapore sets me thinking.

They asked pertinent questions like where movies, tv dramas, comics, books, music and infographics come from without artists.

Personally I love to watch historical drama. Without the scriptwriters, actors, directors, producers and a host of backstage support personnel, my life will certainly be less enjoyable and more boring. Of more importance, such drama let me reflect not only on history but point out many finer truths in life. Often such realization provide wisdom and occasionally serve as catharsis when I feel dismay or lacking.

After finishing the last season of The Crown in Netflix I have moved onto a few Chinese historical dramas. Currently I am watching "Prince Gong", a China produced TV series which depicts the pain and challenges of a statesman and regent at the end of the Qing Dynasty in China.

In an episode where Prince Gong, brother of the Emperor, had to sign an unequal treaty with the Allied forces after they burnt down the Summer Palace and threatened to march into the Forbidden City, his subordinates beseeched him not to take the burden of blame and accusation of selling the country away. In despair Prince Gong replied that even so it has to be borne.

这骂名 这罪名 您可不能背 

to which he replied  不能背, 也得背

It is a very poignant scene but it reminds us that in life we just have to take things in our stride, a step at a time and manage difficulties as best as we can, even at the expense of self for a larger good,

不能背, 也得背   This phrase carries a very strong message in times of hardship.

Well, Prince Gong would be comforted if he knew that in a century and half later, China will emerge as one of the strongest world power while UK has fallen from its powerful glory as lamented by Queen Elizabeth II in The Crown. Again reflection from watching these shows make one realizes the impermanence of fortune and misfortune.

Coming back to the debate about how essential artists are, it is suffice to say that without them we are just breathing bodies with no life.

Money or Interest in a Job ?

More on jobs and Prof Walter Theseira.

Commenting on the results of a survey carried out on people's perception of jobs, the professor thinks it is hard to separate interest from salary. He opines that people's so called interest in a job may have aligned with the salary and lifestyle it offers.

"As an interviewer for students admissions, I never cease to be amazed by the number of students who sincerely tell me they have always found, say, accounting interesting."

To the good professor, he can not imagine there are people who can find accounting interesting alluding that accountants just work for the money. I have a good laugh and recall the reasons underlying my choice close to forty years ago.

Yes accountancy was my first choice followed by Arts & Social Science I think. I had attended some Book-Keeping classes prior to that and thought it was not a difficult subject. In those days, Accounting graduates can find jobs relatively easier than say an Arts graduate who very often ended up being a teacher. Moreover, though I like History I did not like it as an examination subject and though I was interested in Social Sciences I did not like the pay of Social Workers.  I actually fit into the professor's description.

Thinking back, the way we perceived a job was really quite different from that of our children.  Foremost in our minds was to relieve the financial burden of our parents. Hence a stable and permanent job in the Civil Service, termed as an Iron Rice Bowl, would come as a huge relief to our parents who have struggled to bring up a brood of children.

I think we also didn't place so much significance on job fulfillment as our children. We didn't think of a job as consuming our life. To work is just to earn your keeps and bring home the bacon, that's it. One can find interesting things to do outside work and focus on family life for example. Somehow we are not so ambitious or is it just me. We are prepared to wait it out for that promotion or advancement in job scope. However work environment including affinity with colleagues mattered quite a fair bit. Unlike the millennials few embark on career changes to pursue jobs that are well-suited for their talents and interests.

So for those of us accountants who discovered our interest in Accounting was none other than an interest in getting the money, how did we survive the boredom throughout a lifetime career? I can't really answer this question because mid way I moved on to Treasury,a finance related field. Similarly many accountants too morphed into a more managerial role.

One avid accountant hoping to inspire young entrants says "Accounting is the language businesses speak" just like "language is to writing a book". Well, while I can't muster enough romantic energy to say the same of Accounting, I honestly think some people do have the aptitude and attitude to love writing and reading financial statements that tell all about a company's state of affairs.

As for me, it helped me to achieve the means to retire earlier; and then emulating the millenials try to chase my own dreams.

Dignity in every Job

"Do you think you'll be recruiting in every cohort of Singaporean babies, about 6 to 8 per cent of them into the construction industry? I think realistically, our Singaporean children....want a diversity of jobs, " said Chan Chun Sing, Singapore's Trade and Industry minister. 

I happened to catch this on TV and remember thinking if I am a construction worker I will feel offended. Although he later qualified he didn't mean that nobody wants to go into construction, I think I was a bit put off by his tone and body language which seemed to suggest that it is an unrespectable career. I think this type of attitude from a minister will reinforce the disrespect Singaporeans have for these workers. All these glorified talk about our migrant workers building our homes flew out of the window under a veil of hypocrisy.

Professor Theseira, a NMP said "If we recognise that all work, especially socially essential work, has value, then we need to agree, there is no shame in having Singaporeans take up manual and service jobs." He felt that we should build an economy that is inclusive of skilled and decently paid craftsmen, technicians and service workers.

Entrepreneur Jack Sim (founder of the World Toilet Organisation) in his recent facebook post  described how in 1979 when he was in the construction industry there were very skilled master craftsmen, trained skilled craftsmen and apprentices. The master craftsmen commanded respect for their skill and were paid decent wages.  Today we bring in workers whom he said "have never done a day of construction work". Jack Sim went on to lament that Singapore is now ranked 19th in the world in terms of productivity.

In countries which do not rely on migrant construction workers like Japan their construction workers may indeed be 3 times more productive than our migrant construction workers which our minister is aware of. Their processes in construction is highly efficient.

Chan Chun Sing's remark set me thinking about those Singaporean babies who have little aptitude to get a university education but are skilled in other crafts. They remind me of the children in the Children's Home whom I engage with and who are at a social and educational disadvantage. As the odds are against them many will probably land up doing manual and service jobs. If our craftsmen and service workers are paid decently such jobs will command more respect. These children will take pride in learning the skills they are good at and will gain higher self esteem.

As Prof Theseira puts it "The only shame is if we who have power and influence fail to ensure that the conditions of work and wages in these service jobs are such that Singaporeans find no dignity in taking them up"

A True Home

A speaker at a webinar about investing during pandemic thinks that going forward people may place more importance in owning a home that provides comfort. This may include factors like a conducive place for work, proximity to essential services, a place to rest and hibernate for prolonged period (she mentioned a balcony in the least) and closeness to nature.

While daydreaming one day I thought about how I missed traveling. I examined the withdrawal symptom and asked where I really wanted to be that very moment. Turned out it wasn't somewhere in scenic China, nor having a quaint and architectural experience in Europe nor being awed by the vibrancy of a mega city. Given a choice I wished I were somewhere in a remote part of Indonesia or Vietnam, sitting in the balcony of a rustic small resort overlooking muddy fields while a distant old motorcycle occasionally drones past along the dirt road.

The speaker at the webinar makes me really think about Singapore, this clean, convenient, efficient and safe city. Where in this city would I find a rustic home where I can really rest and feel truly comfortable.? I must admit I am already blessed with a home that has a small garden. During this lockdown period I have spent much time sprucing up the garden and now meditate facing the mango tree. It is as close as I can get to that quiet world I am dreaming of.

In the words of Serene Lim of Today:

 "Singapore’s size and, consequently, high-density population amplify what I want to get away from the most: The intense pace of life here, where it feels like everyone’s rushing for something — the next appointment, the latest food fad (is it back to ramen again?), to cash in on the property downturn, register our child at a popular kindergarten, book a ride on both Uber and GrabCar to see which comes first because we simply don’t want to wait ... I don’t know what exactly we’re rushing for; maybe we’re just chasing our tails, but it’s hard to ignore with “kancheong” bosses on our backs and anxious parents to answer to. When this feels like it’s everywhere, we have nowhere else to go to except the airport".....

"Getting out of Singapore is a chance to step out of the system, even if it’s just temporarily. Life is more colourful overseas because things are not as efficient, things are messy, things are dirty, things are different. And you realise that’s absolutely okay. People get by very well — happier and freer, more at ease and at peace sometimes"

Romanticizing rural life? Perhaps, but staying in a rustic slow paced town lets me open my mind a bit more to what I truly need in life. Maybe a second home is the True Home.

An attempt in Rekindling lost Intuition

"Still there are moments when one feels free from one's own identification with human limitations and inadequacies. At such moments, one imagines that one stands on some spot of a small planet, gazing in amazement at the cold yet profoundly moving beauty of the eternal; the unfathomable life and death flow into one, and there is neither evolution nor destiny, only being"- Albert Einstein

Reading the above my memories jolted me to my much younger self, when I was an adolescent and young adult. I remember I wrote in my diary about experiencing occasional moments of "just being" which spurred me on to read literature that shed light on it. I remember reading Toltstoy, Rabindranath Tagore and Bertrand Russell to search their views on life and religion. Along the way however, this metaphysical quest fizzled out and any remaining ember extinguished once I pursued a finance qualification and career.

During this commitment free lockdown period I availed myself to exploring Ajahn Sumedho's words on intuitive awareness. His suggests that consciousness or awareness is not personal ie, not within our brain or body but that our body and mind is within this consciousness and for that matter everyone of us and even the universe is within this same consciousness. This aligns with Einstein calling it man's optical delusion of his consciousness when man experiences himself as something separate from the rest. In my need to understand a bit more of where Einstein is coming from I tried to read up a bit on his theory of general relativity which I believe leads him to the above opinion. However, it is almost impossible for me to comprehend. So I turned to a e-book "Albert Einstein and Relativity for Kids" to try and understand a bit and this is what I learn for the time being.

"Time is relative ie. time appeared to be different from 2 different frames of reference. As an object speeds up, its internal clock appears to slow down relative to an observer at rest"- This leads me to think about what Einstein said about "A human being is a part of the whole, called by us 'Universe', a part limited in time and space". I imagine our limited time in this life on planet earth as fleeting relative to something beyond this 'limited space', given how fast distant galaxies in the universe are moving relative to us.

Still this is a very hard subject for me to grasp and I am still in the dark where Einstein is coming from. However, Ajahn Sumedho has cautioned that awareness of this universal consciousness is an intuitive endeavour. I am just hoping to find some cinders of wisdom through a 2 pronged approach, from what a high IQ physicist is driving at and from a meditative perspective.

I guess this is an attempt to rekindle wisdom or intuition long lost.

Boredom

Watching "The Crown" on Netflix that tells the story of Queen Elizabeth not only helps me while away some evening hours but also spend time fact-checking on the authenticity of the storyline after each episode.  The vast material in the web about the British royal family is amazing and gossip columns are abundant.

Ajahn Sumedho once said "People get away from the boredom of their own existence, their discontent with it, the tediousness, by reading gossip about movie stars and public figures.....As soon as it (boredom) comes into mind we start looking for something interesting, something pleasant."

He contends that we never accept boredom as a conscious state ie. never accept it nor allow it.

I think for me when boredom sets in, my mind drifts into a state of lack or some want of purpose. For many , it is probably the fear of the inner unease questioning the meaning of existence. Hence people need to look for things to stimulate their minds out of boredom.

Ajahn Sumedho thinks that we have to allow ourselves to be fully conscious of this state of feeling. Just like in psychology and counselling we need to fully recognise and acknowledge our feelings in order for catharsis to take place. Sit still, do nothing and observe the boredom until it dissolves. Being present, the mind takes its natural course and will move on to focus on a creative activity instead of engaging in quick fixes and stimulants.

So, for me,  nothing beats gardening to be totally immersed in the moment. I can spend hours in the garden without realizing the passage of time. Another activity that helps me to be present and focused is sewing using the SINGER machine bequeathed by my mother. I never fail to admire this grand dame of more than half a century as it chugs along.



"Don't do any task in order to get it over with. Resolve to do each job in a relaxed way, with all your attention" - Thich Nhat Hanh

When bad habits come home to roost

Why do these 2 idioms  'bad things come home to roost' and 'harvest the seeds you sow' keep crossing my mind during this Covid pandemic ? World media has highlighted the cracks and shortfalls in healthcare and social welfare system worldwide as well as economic systems that focus on corporate profits at all costs.

Brain washed by the avalanche of such news, I also find similar situations on a personal level.

My childhood and early teens were spent in KL. In the 1960s and 70s, unlike the Singapore school system which provided dental care to school going children, parents in Malaysia had to monitor and spent their own money on the kid's dental healthcare . Many kids from low income families visited the dentists only when their teeth were decayed and caused excruciating pain. My visits to the dentists left behind frightful memories of painful injections and tooth extraction. By the time I entered the Singapore school system at 15, I had already lost 3 big molars. Beyond all rationality, the fear persisted well into adulthood and developed into a phobia. Despite knowing the importance of oral healthcare, I still do not visit the dentist except when there is a cavity or chip. Every such visit is met with disapproval and criticism from the dentist.

Now years of neglect have COME HOME TO ROOST and, of all time, must be during this pandemic. I started to develop painful gum and believe it is caused by the plaque accumulated around the teeth. Now the dilemma begins, to visit the dentist and risk exposure or stomach the risk and answer the painful pleas of the long abandoned teeth.

On a brighter note, I can also say I "harvest a seed I sow". When I decided to go without a helper 10 years ago, I told my husband I will cook dinner only 3 or 4 days a week. However that has developed into 5 or 6 days a week after extensive research on easy oven cooked meals and one pot meals etc. I can claim making huge progress in efficiency and kitchen productivity. This has proven truly useful during this Covid lockdown because grab food and take away is just impossible to stomach every other day of the week.

Yea on top of the above, there is also a lot of time for reflections and resolves; of what values most, what to do when things go back to normal and what not to miss.



Ganges River now deem fit for drinking!. Isn't this wonderful?

A Good Spar

I usually listened to Spotify through Google Mini (GM) when I take my bath.

One evening my conversation with GM went like this;

Me: Hi Google , play mantra music

GM: Something went wrong, please try again

After a couple of attempts

Me: Hi Google, what went wrong

GM: I don't know

Me: What do you mean you don't know

GM: I am learning

Me: How long do you take to learn?

GM: I am always learning

Me: I give up on you Google

GM: I am sorry I messed up

ME: (laugh out loud)

At first I was frustrated but after the short conversation , I am in merrier mood and looked for another source of music.

I am just thinking a robot counsellor would be great to have an angry spar with because it is forever patient and will not react even if you scold, spew sarcasm, use foul language and hit it. Moreover with advanced technology and AI a robot can sense the tone and pitch of voice, stores images that tracks changes in the facial expression, interpret changes in body language and perhaps feel the rise in temperature around your body. With these input and the words uttered the robot counselor processes vast data to come out with the best strategy and words to respond to the counselee.

In a research data scientists have used AI to analyse more than 90,000 hours of therapy sessions and have learned which treatment protocols have been effective. Robot counselors of the future can access such information in minutes if not seconds to arrive at the most effective response or approach.
Moreover a robot/virtual counselor does not sleep or need to take vacation or be affected by his or her own personal life and problems.

GM: I am sorry I messed up

Me: It's OK Google I am a therapist I understand

GM: Beware, your job will be obsolete soon

Me: *+@L"+_)(

Some have to hold it all together

It appears that the most influential lady in our country has a penchant for posting her thoughts and sharing links on Facebook. Nothing wrong with that except that  her zealousness, sharing over a hundred articles a day and posting some occasional inappropriate remarks ( as per her standing ) attracted local and international comments. She laughed at the thought that friends have messaged her to check whether her Facebook account has been hacked into! They thought the postings inappropriate for "someone married to abc" and "ceo of xyz", she jested.

During this pandemic lock down I have finished Series 2 & 3 of the Crown. Both series cover episodes when Queen Elizabeth had to manage rebellious behaviour of royal family members that did not conform to royal protocol. The series portray remarkably well the dilemma and conundrum of these members in the royal household who fought within themselves to break free and express their true self.  For instance the show portrays Prince Philip and Princess Margaret suffering from some form of identity crisis, not finding meaning in their royal duties and missing a sense of achievement.

However the wife of our PM is way different from the above 2 characters. She, in her own right has risen to head the sovereign investment company of the country, overseeing a portfolio surpassing S$300 billion. A lady of such power and status can't be suffering from a sense of lacking in achievement.

In one episode of The Crown, Queen Elizabeth alluded to her inner desire to be an equestrian had destiny not determined otherwise.

From her facebook postings, Ho Ching seemed to be truly interested in hard science subjects. Perhaps she is more an engineer than a finance person deep down . Like the queen if given a choice all over again, she might have chosen to be a scientist or engineer rather than heading a sovereign fund or who knows being a PM's wife. She described herself as "born a maverick- coming feet first instead of head first and that irreverence is in her blood".

Perhaps then it explains why she chooses not to bow to public pressure, throws to the wind what the world thinks and posts what she desires.

In the last episode of The Crown season 3 when the Queen doubts her usefulness during her reign, her sister said "You cannot flinch. Because if you show a single crack, we'll see it isn't a crack, but a chasm. And we'll all fall in. So you must hold it all together."