Someone has to take out the garbage

 

Rohit Brijnath wrote an amusing piece entitled The Complexity of Singledom in today's Sunday Times.

"We like space more than Neil Armstrong did, can be more fastidious than a finishing school matron and view compromise as an idea with limited elasticity. We'll stretch, but only so far." He speaks of the love for freedom and independence expressed by older singles and how they are so accustomed to their own peculiar ways that intimacy becomes a risk they are not prepared to take. They prefer to "live free and answerable to no one within their four walls".

The phrase "answerable to no one" really sounds refreshing. A lady participant in a class on "Happiness Act" run by the Silver Academy recounted how she took leave from her family and stayed away for a year to experience freedom from responsibilities of being a mother and wife. The rest of us participants marveled at the idea.

In the article Rohit went on to describe why younger couples can forgo such independence. "When you are young, you're building something as a duet, a house, a life, a future",  alluding that for older singles most of these goals would have been accomplished in some measure. Reflecting on my younger days I think this is quite true. The common goal of bringing up children and building a conducive home environment for the family pushes aside the desire for freedom and raises the tolerance to live with the idiosyncrasies of your spouse. Now that the children are grown and the home has become a home for decades, common goals have to be re-established. Those blessed with grandchildren may replicate old goals in a new format while those without grandchildren may have to create common projects to divert their focus from each other's neurotic ways.

Rohit interviewed a few older single ladies to find out what they want in a relationship if at all. One wants a partner as a travelling companion, another for the warmth of touch and for Rohit himself a book browsing pal. 

Well, truth be told I do indeed appreciate my husband a bit better when we travel because I don't have to worry about navigating the complex subways of Tokyo or fear being trapped at some rough terrain on country hikes. Though we never ever go book browsing together, the warmth of a rub on my sore back can certainly sooth the pain that being married occasionally brings. Besides someone has to take out the garbage when I'm definitely not going to.