Is it Just About Me?

Is it just about me? or
Is it not about me?

Sometimes I wonder whether I should go all out to please myself and live by the principle that it is Just About ME. So If I enjoy doing story telling at the library more than anything else I should spend all my spare time doing just that instead of allocating time for other volunteer work. What holds me back is knowing that many out there need help. Although volunteer work brings contentment it is often taxing and can never be compared to the fun derived from story telling.

Sometimes I also dream of offloading all duties and responsibilities to family to pursue a care free lifestyle. The romantic notion of spending months at a time in different parts of the world seems so enticing. However you know there are close ones who need someone to provide decent meals, to talk to or just be present.

In many other little things in daily life there is this constant tussle between pleasing ourselves versus pleasing others. For example I like to watch TV serial drama but when my children see me doing that they will pass comments about me wasting time or ask whether I have read this link or that article they have sent me. They always want me to acquire knowledge and grow my mind but I just want to indulge in simple lazy pleasures; so I feel more relaxed watching TV drama when they are not around. Similarly an afternoon at a movie or shopping mall is definitely more pleasurable than a visit to an elderly uncle at the nursing home. Very often the visit to the nursing home is fueled by guilt (because he has requested that you come more often) but almost inevitably every visit ends with you feeling glad and telling yourself you should do it more often.

I guess for people who go all out to serve others the concept of "I" relative to "they" is faint and not so distinctive. Their sense of self is probably not strong and seems to merge with that of others, hence they feel fulfilled when others' needs are met. This is the concept of non duality.

So Is it just about me or Is it not about me? For me, for now at least, it lies somewhere in between. It's a long climb towards non duality.

(Note: I was in a contemplative mood thinking about the above subject on a Sunday morning whilst doing my taiji and feeling the energy of the surroundings, the trees, the wind and the birds and my own)