Heart opens the mind

One participant asked a Dharma teacher how to help a friend who had great difficulty accepting the fact that his son is gay. The mother being a staunch Catholic felt a sense of immense grief. The question asked was whether the only solution lies in the mother learning to accept the son's sexual orientation.

The teacher reckoned it may be difficult for the lady to do that overnight given the steep religious adherence and a lifetime of conditioning. However he said the lady can try opening her heart because "the heart will open the mind".

I feel this advice is also applicable in many other circumstances. Quite often we find ourselves caught in situations unsure of how to comfort a person in deep distress. We worry about saying inappropriate things which may make things worse or we may be self conscious of our own unease, either tongue tied or stumbling with words. Hence many would try to avoid such tough and awkward situations. Yet when we authentically feel and care for the person the appropriate response comes naturally to mind. It may not necessary be words. The ego self always rushes for something to say when a hug or a gentle touch would have shown that you cared. Till this day more than a decade after my mother passed away I can still remember feeling really comforted when a caring colleague touched my shoulders. Very often just your presence and a listening ear is all that matters.

Also I find this to be true when counselling children. When you open your heart to how the child feels it opens your mind to the appropriate strategy or some creative response.

In Chinese, the word for mind and heart is the same  心. Perhaps recognising that the heart is the centre of cognition, the Chinese use one word to represent both. I guess when the mother mentioned in the first paragraph really opens her heart to know her son well enough she will probably know what to do.