There is no gender toys

Some weeks back I facilitated sand-play  therapy with a 10 year old boy who is very closed up and reluctant to share his thoughts and feelings with the social workers at the Children's Home. He has very few visits from his parents. Other boys in the home like to make fun of his mildly effeminate mannerism and his preference for female company. When I first saw him he struck me as a very pleasant and gentle character.

The accessories I use for sand-play therapy include a sand tray, symbols and figurines as well as some common toys. Depending on the gender of the client I will display items that are often selected within easier reach. For example from my experience most boys like to play with combat figures. Hence I will display them nearer to the tray when the session involves a boy and household play items when the session is with a girl. Favourite items like marbles and treasure chest well loved by all are also positioned for easy access.

As the boy engaged with play he whispered to himself making remarks or stories about the items he selected to place in the tray. One noticeable trait about his first sand-tray story was the absence of any human figure or animal. Instead inanimate objects were used to express weariness and hardwork like "the marbles need to rest" and the "truck is small but is very hardworking". The lack of human touch in his life seemed evident.

As the session progressed I noticed the boy was using some substitute items to play cooking. Due to space constraint I had placed a bag of toy cooking utensils and tea sets under the table which he had not noticed. When I drew his attention to it he was delighted and played with them for quite a long while to "cook a meal and make tea" for both of us. Some sand play therapists believe when a child plays cooking food he or she is exhibiting a need for nurture or to nurture. When the session was over he remarked that the toy cooking and tea sets "are more fun than normal toys" and asked whether he could come another time to play the same. (Notice his use of the word normal)

In a sand-play session the facilitator impresses on the client that the session belongs to him and he is free to play as he likes. There is no right or wrong nor rules to abide as long as he does not hurt himself or the therapist. The aim is to provide a safe and secure ambiance for the client to explore his feelings.

It makes me wonder whether that was the first time the boy was playing cooking without fear of being ridiculed. Perhaps it may also be the first time he felt normal. It struck me how gender stereotyping can stifle true identities.

I will now abandon any ideas about toys having gender preferences, realizsing the danger of generalization. This is to ensure each child can be empowered to define himself or herself  and not be stifled by what society expects of him or her to confine to.