Right Communication

Gathered from a podcast on Right Communication the following 4 useful points to remember when communicating:

- authenticity
- good intention
- necessity
- right time & place

I discover at least one benefit using them as a mental checklist before speaking, which is arresting the act of nagging. Take for instance you are about to turn in close to midnight and your daughter is still glued to the laptop and has yet to take her shower. You are about to tell her in the most concise statements (so to reduce irritating her ) that sufficient sleep is SOOO important for health and bathing late at night causes rheumatism in old age. Applying the checklist you then ask:

Are the intended words authentic?- Sure, you have sufficient evidence from what you have gathered.

Are they out of good and kind intention?- Of course, you are being caring and protective. Wait a minute, is it really just from a place of caring?  Quite likely it is also to satisfy your sense of 'responsibility' as a mother to deliver advice (even though it has been repeated thousands of time). In other words you need to feel good about yourself as a caring mother.

Is the reminder really necessary? Yes or No depending on her state of mind. If she is rationale she does not need such superfluous advice. However if she is too carried away or lost in time then maybe a short reminder like ' I'm off to bed, it's close to midnight ' will help restore awareness.

Are those facts about sleep, good health and rheumatism appropriate at close to midnight?  Dicey if she is watching an online movie or chatting. Certainly not if she is rushing to meet a work dateline. Assess whether those words will fall on deaf ears. If so save them for a more appropriate time and place.

I read the blog of one intern psychologist  who was quite exhausted with her mother's continuous nagging. She described them as unsolicited advice, incessant reminders and panicky warnings; and a 'repetition compulsion' to satisfy her own emotional needs.

As I ponder further I can think of other types of communication like gossip and probing which obviously do not meet the 4 criteria of 'right communication'. It is good practice to keep them in mind.