Reading about former business associates in the news, their achievement and success, reminds me often of the "power" and identity that is lost once I gave out my position in the corporate world. In that world, a person is valued by the influence and authority he or she has in bringing about business dealings. To this day I still shudder at the abruptness social contact is disconnected once people know you are retiring from your field for good. I am still coming to terms with my naiveness in believing that these people (whom I have dealt with for years) have become my friends. To some extent there is a bit of disillusionment with people and a feeling of voidness. A person who opts for early retirement or a complete career switch must be mentally prepared for this sudden loss of identity.
One then enters into a period of deep reflection and inward search of one's true self which has been overshadowed by one's job identity. A whole spectrum of feelings will be experienced. In one sense you relish the real freedom to decide how you want to live henceforth, uninhibited by financial obligations for your children. The choice is yours, just yours, whether you want to continue focusing on money and the prestige and recogntion it brings or decide on a simpler life and find other joys. This sense of "freedom" is interspersed with feeling of bewilderment because it is not at all easy to know what you really want and who you really are. It calls for a re-defintion of yourself. It started when you feel instinctively that the old identity no longer fits your true self, although you have not the faintest idea what the true self is. You now have to learn to listen deeply to yourself. So you engage with activities that help you do that like being with nature, reading, having quiet time day dreaming, attending art or cooking class etc. It will take a long time and it can be rather erratic. For instance, one day I will toy with the idea of turning one room in my house into a mini library and me conducting story telling sessions. Another day I wonder whether my brains is still agile enough to pursue another degree. Yet another instance I dream of writing a children's book.
I guess we women are luckier than the men. Instinctively I think women find joy in nurturing, be it our own or others. In that sense our journey to discover our real self may not be so fraught with despair.
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2 comments:
You are right about how people in the corporate world values a person - it correlates directly with the authority and influence one welds. Sadly, one also feel it even before leaving the corporate world - when circumstances change.
I always look at it positively - you really only know who your friends are when you are no longer of use to them (from a corporate perspective).
Fortunate are those who had the opportunity to know and once you know, it is important to treasure that friendship.
Have fun in your search.
Recalling that those smiles, warm handshakes and personal chat were actually fake gestures does render one's heart a bit hollow though.
Nevertheless it also helps one realise what really matters at the very end.
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