That silver lining

Counselling children calls for much patience and humility. On Mondays I have session with a child who needs help to manage his anger. For 2 consecutive weeks, I received feedback that "despite" a session with me, he still threw angry tantrums on that very day. I must confess I am not really trained on the special skills on anger management but is trying to help the child address his insecurity because I believe the child is trying to be in control through anger to overcome his fears. I do not wish to elaborate on how I reach this hypothesis. However these type of feedback from teachers very often cast self doubt on what you are doing. Sometimes I wonder shouldn't I be spending time at home watching stock prices and trading instead.

But yesterday was an uplifting day. That is the nature of this job. Once in a while when you feel like running out of steam something happens to lift you from your disillusion. Yesterday I had a chat with a divorced mother, with her son's permission and request. Just when the boy is overcoming his parents' divorce and regaining emotional stability, he now is disturbed by the frequent fights betwee his mother and her new boyfriend, also a divorcee with kids around the boy's age. The boy has become friends with that family and the boy has expressed hopes that a happy family will emerge from this relationship. So I called the mum expecting some negative and defensive behaviour. I was surprised that the lady was very receptive and appreciative of the feedback although she did defend her helplessness. She was told by her son that he likes me and can tell me things freely. Somehow I am quite lifted by this conversation.

Then there was another breakthrough. An abandoned child who has been hiding his pain and putting a "happy family" front was able to process his pain through play. It is believed that if a person buries his pain and grief, it will leave a deep imprint throughout his life. Therapy begins with expression of the pain in whatever way which the boy was unable to do for a long time. Yesterday I gave him freedom to play by himself using the miniature toys and figures displayed. I asked him to create a story using the toys. The story began as usual with a happy family circle with a little boy as the main character. As the child lost himself in the play, the story developed. The parents separated and lived far far apart. The boy with the help of a transformer chased after the father who was flying away in an aeroplane. "Why are you running away?" asked the boy and the transformer. Then the transformer helped him to locate his mother "Why are you hiding?" he asked his mother. Throughout I tried to remain quiet except for a few questions to prompt him on.

Later on I shared with the boy's teacher my belief in healing the hurt before addressing whatever behavioural problems the child may have. For once I found a teacher who shares the same belief. For once I was not bombarded with feedback about lack of improvement, be it still not handing in homework, still dreaming in class, still fighting bla bla bla. Instead we chatted about how heart wrenching it is to see how the poor children suffer in such adverse circumstances and encourages each other that whatever little we do it helps.

Yes it is not often we sight silver lining but in the rare moments when we do, it spurs us on to run another mile :)