Life's Progress

Next week looms gloomy. Daughter just flew back after summer holiday and son in camp. School breaks for a week. At times like these, with the whole week at one's own disposal, one should be feeling really free and lucky. The choice is unlimited, you can spend the whole week reading, following a exercise regime, shopping, visiting relatives, going for shows with your sisters, catching up with friends, blogging, planning for winter holiday, tidying up the house etc etc. When I was working I would have cried for joy, not only for the break but also for the lack of a work-burdened mind. The contemplation of a week alone does not seem so inviting to me now. Somehow I prefer company.

Looking back at my life, when I was an adolesccent I did not like company. I forced myself to join in activities with whichever close circle I happened to be in at every stage of my early life and did not really enjoy it at all. I moved with each circle just not to be deemed as being aloof. As Rollo May says in his book Man's Search for Himself, " If a person is alone very much of the time, people tend to think of him as a failure, for it is inconceivable to them that he would choose to be alone...."

But strangely as the years go by and I gain more independence of what I want out of my life and less interested in what people perceive of me, I feel more and more the pleasures of interacting with people; from the exchange of ideas and experiences. This warmth is more pronounced when I show concern and interest for their welfare like when I chat with parents of my young clients. In the early days after I resigned from my previous corporate job, I felt a bit disappointed when people abruptly dropped me from their mind once I was of no use to them (like a banker whom I thought was almost a friend but called not to bade me farewell or wish me well but to get tips to clinch a deal before I left). Now I respect different individuals as pursuers of their own goals and destinies and are of no consequence to me if we do not bond.

This then perhaps is what we call progress and growth, from a lone individual struggling to fit in with the crowd to one who is in the process of finding a centre within, which can support meaningful and warm interaction with others.