I said "Hi" to my Little Self

To discover aspects of the child that we were and to a large extent the child that we are now, we were guided by our lecturer to meet our inner child. It is important to be in touch with your inner child to understand why you have certain "inherent" behaviour, beliefs and feelings. You can also give the child what it needed all these years.

After some breathing exercise to put us in a totally relaxed mode, we were asked to reflect and think about ourselves as a child, any age that came into mind. We then pictured the child in a safe place where our adult self could have a quiet and safe conversation. Once we had the image of our child, we used our non-dominant hand (NDH)to draw the picture of the child in that safe place. When the drawing was completed, we were asked to spend some time looking at the picture to see what it was telling us, the thoughts and feelings. We then wrote it down on a second sheet of paper. In this second sheet of paper and with our dominant hand (DH) we started off by introducing ourselves to our little self and asked the little one whether it was ok to have a little chat. Then using our non dominant hand (NDH) we wrote the little child's response. After that the conversation continues using the DH and the NDH.

I pictured myself around 4 years old. I was in the care of my grandmother in Singapore whilst my family including all my elder siblings moved to KL. (I subsequently joined my family at 5). In my mind the 4 year old girl had short bobby hairstyle with a round face and stomach. The safe place was in a small corner leading to a flight of steps in those old shophouses. My grandma stayed in a shop house and used to bring me to buy tobacco leaves from a candy woman who sold cigarettes and sweets at a corner of the landing leading to a stairwell. The two old ladies loved to chat. It was a safe place for me as I remembered lying on my grandma's lap whilst she chatted with the candy woman. Inevitably their conversation would lead to how "guai" I was. The dialogue between me and my little self went on as follow:

Adult me: Hi! Know me? Guess who? It's me your bigger self. Can we talk?
Child: YOU ARE ME? REALLY? Of course we can chat.
Adult me: How old are you?
Child: 4
Adult me: Hey how are you? Having fun?
Child: So so. Popo (grandma) and da jiu fu( first uncle) spoil me.
Adult me: You love them?
Child:Yes I am happy with them.
Adult me: What do you enjoy most doing?
Child: Nothing specifically but I want more people to play with.Where are the rest, mama and baba? Who is my baba, I have never seen him ? Why am I not with them?
Adult me: See, it is not easy to take care of so many kids in a new place, so you have to stay with popo for the time being.
Child: Hmmm... is it a good place, this KL?
Adult me: Well, you may not really like it but there is some good side to it. (At this juncture, my adult self wanted to warn the child she will be joining hell but couldn't bring myself to say that to a child).
(Fortunately, lecturer said to wind up and asked us to tell the child we will chat some other time)
Adult me: May be I will let you know more about our KL home some other time. Anything you want to let me know before I go?
Child: Oh.. I am fine here, but I wonder a lot about my family?
Adult me: No worries you will soon get to know them, basically despite everything they are not a bad bunch.
(conversation ended)
When my lecturer came around and heard me relating our dialogue, her insight was this. Very often adults made major moves without explaining sufficiently to the children involved.
As we were supposed to discuss in groups I had consciously selected an age when I was safe. In the quiet of my own home and when alone, I shall pluck up enough courage to have a conversation with my little self at an age when she suffered most.