A Case of Imposed Values

(Written by Vicky Sanders, counsellor in private practice. The name of the client is disguised but the emerging theme, action plans and occurrence are essentially true. Extracted)

Name: William, Age: 56, Married, Profession-Medical doctor.
Problem: Cyclical debilitating depression.

Factors that emerged during exploration:
Client had grown up in a very wealthy but austere family. Money was made and saved but rarely spent. The family only valued people with extreme wealth. The client had become a successful medical practitioner. He had also attempted to make even more money by investing in various stocks and shares...and he had lost money. He had left his private practice some 8 years previously to work in a corporate setting because he believed he had the capacity to "rise to the top". He had a reputation of being "tough" and autocratic. He disliked this reputation because it didn't seem to "fit" his internal experience but he believed it to be necessary in order to get the job done. He was promoted but then the organisational culture changed as a result of a change of CEO and he found himself being overtaken for promotional positions. The client felt devastated, cheated and bewildered. His marriage was convenient and suitable for his status- but unloving. His 4 children were adult, but still financially dependent on him. He realised, as he talked, that he had tried to give them some of the indulgence he didn't get as a child. Overall this client felt useless.

Themes that emerged:
The pervasive feeling of uselessness experienced by the client was because he had adopted a family culture that hadn't really satisfied him as he was growing up or as an adult. He had lived his life in accordance with the values of "toughness", wealth creation and personal austerity- but he had also been an indulgent father to "make up" for the love he didn't receive. He realised in talking that he had been trying all his life to accumulate wealth quickly- so that he could do what he really wanted to do. He actually enjoyed reading, creative writing, cooking- and he yearned to have joy and fun in his life.

Specific deficits that emerged:
The client was experiencing the paralysing feeling of worthlessness and depression because he couldn't find a way to abandon the values that had imposed on him as a child in favour of the values that are more harmonious with his internal experience. He desperately needed to do so because he was stagnating and "drying up"- personally and professionally.

Plans for action that were made:
- client to explore the financial implications of leaving his current position
- client to explore opportunities for working from home as a consultant on a part time basis
- client to discuss his feelings with his wife to assess her willingness to support a change in their circumstances

What has happened:
Client discussed situation with his wife and was surprised to find that she would be relieved if he left work. She was concerned for his health...and believed they could manage adequately. Client and his wife reshaped their finances- including informing the children that they could no longer support them. The client learned to cook exceptionally well and he enjoys catering for family and friends enormously. Client occasionally compares himself unfavourably with richer people, but is able to "shake himself out" of that comparison by reminding himself of the joy he now has.