Sadness

Sadness
(Extracts from “The Emotional Toolkit” by Darlene Mininni, directly lifting passages from the book with some changes to get the flow. Sometimes I give my own comments in parenthesis)

When you feel sad, you’re likely to find your thoughts focused on the negative aspects of a situation or yourself. These thoughts often revolve around the same theme: loss. This loss could be related to an object you value, or something less tangible like time.


At the bottom of sadness is loss (examples)

1) When not promoted. What is lost? “The positive impression I thought my boss has of my ability to lead” (I don't relate to this issue, haha)

2) Resigning from a job after 27 years(my own eg). What is lost? My old identity.

In developing a new part of your identity you lose another part of yourself. That’s why women will sometimes feel sad when they get married…..or make a decision to alter their lives for the better. Even though the changes are positive and frequently planned, there is still a letting-go and grieving that occur simultaneously. (Here I can relate. I do feel the pain resigning from my ex-company after 27 years; especially so when I feel my contributions in real financial terms and otherwise seem to pass unnoticed, sigh….)

Growth sadness can be magnified if a woman feels the need to change her old ways, but is unsure of what the change should be. (Here the book quote a real case of a lady called Miriam) For ten years Miriam worked as an accountant in a large organization. She enjoyed her job, but as time went on she found herself frustrated by the bureaucracy (phew..this is me..), stymied by the politics, and generally bored by her work. She knew it was time to move on. But to what? Miriam no longer wanted to be an accountant, but she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do with her life. The sadness she felt was underscored by her confusion. Her old identity as an accountant no longer fit her, but her new identity had not yet emerged…..Feeling sad can be a motivator for change….Miriam decided to create a plan to figure out what her new passions were, she talked with people in other fields to find out about their work, met with a career counsellor, and looked to her childhood to remember the things that gave her joy. During this time she still felt sad going to a job that no longer fit her identity, but she was consoled by the fact that she was on her way to discovering what her new identity was



Internal Questioning Process (this is just the first phase of the toolkit)
Identify the feeling ( for eg. “I’m feeling sad”). Ask about the core issue “what is the core thing I am losing”. When you identify that, you find your body will relax and you may cry.

To be continued....