The Unexamined Life

 

With reduced activities & engagements during this Covid pandemic I have much time for fruitless (or maybe not so fruitless) contemplation.

I ponder over Socrates statement : The unexamined life is not worth living.

Does this statement hold any truth?

First and foremost what constitutes 'A life worth living' ?

Is the life of a hypothetically fortunate person (with most of his desires met) who is constantly contented considered worth living even if he hardly contemplates about the purpose of his life and what lies beyond? Can attaining happiness by personal standards constitute a worthy life?

On the other hand, unlike other animal species, we are endowed with a brain that is capable of pursuing deeper meaning and purpose in our existence.

Without sounding like a snob, occasionally I look condescendingly at people  when they get excited over small mundane stuff as if life is all about maximising our sense pleasures. I also tend to have higher regards for people who achieve some form of self actualization in Maslow's hierarchy of needs. However if a person leads a happy routine life with all the basic physiological needs met and surrounded by loved ones, does their life not stand out clearly as a very worthy life even if they have never ever ponder about the meaning of their existence or wonder about whether there is a soul after life.

So my mind goes back and forth, back and forth. 

There is no answer. For now, I contend that we are unique individuals, born with different traits, constitution and conditioning. Some are born with an introspective nature and are more inclined to think metaphysically while others are born to 'just carry on living' 活着.

While over-examination and overthink may not be fruitful, I do feel some degree of self awareness and recognising one's connectedness with the world at large will serve as a good compass in living.

Equanimity is not insensitivity

 

Equanimity is not insensitivity. Learning to be equanimous does not mean practicing to be aloof and indifferent. Our sensitivity arises because we care about ourselves and others. Equanimity is when we are constantly aware of our sensitivity, watching our emotions rise and wane and accepting them as being human. The pali word for equanimity is Upekkha which means "to look over" ie. being able to see with calm. Constant practice of such observation evokes a sense of peace.

This is the gist of a talk I heard over podcast.

Yet it is not an easy trait to acquire. I think it needs one to be centred. It helps when one takes a step back and allows some space to view the situation, more commonly referred as seeing the bigger picture. This also involves trying to understand. Recognising that many conditioning factors give rise to a person's behaviour help us to become more empathetic and less reactive towards people who 'wrong' or hurt us. Recognising our initial emotional response originates from years of conditioning and inborn constitution also cuts ourselves some slack. At the bottom of it all recognise that everyone is trying to be a bit happier. 

Often the most difficult obstacle to being equanimous is when someone you love is struggling or hurting. To continue feeling helpless, sad or angry is difficult and the desire to get rid of the pain is instant. However this impulsive need for oneself to feel better may result in an inappropriate response for example giving not well thought out advice or lashing out. This is because we resist the reality of the situation. We can not accept and say it should not be this way. As someone suggests maybe it is more helpful by saying to yourself "This is difficult and this is how it is right now".

Needless to say it requires loads of practice. One must diligently find the inner space which remains centered amid a storm. Regular meditation which provides glimpses of calm and peace builds one's confidence that equanimity is achievable. Visualisation and metaphors also help. Once when I visited the Forbidden City, a guide pointed out a tree which is more than half a century old. I remember thinking to myself how many lifetimes of suffering the tree must have witnessed of emperors, empresses, concubines, eunuchs, maids, servants etc; yet there it stands stoic and calm watching waves of history rise and fall. This is viewing things from a bigger time dimension.

Another big picture metaphor is viewing earth from outer space. Imagine an astronaut viewing earth as a globe, experiencing the quiet stillness, then zooming in to the continent, the country, the town, the spot you are at, a tiny miniscule speck in the vastness. It may help one transcends beyond one's self absorption. 

This covid pandemic gives us much opportunity to turn inward. Now that we can not travel and with external indulgences curtailed, we should spend time practicing to find the inner space within us. Hopefully we can then watch our vulnerability with more quiet.

And then the Real World

 

My previous blog was about paradigm shift in standard ways of living, the metaverse world as well as the lofty aim to transcend attachment, a bit like the mind darting everywhere.

My encounter with 2 children yesterday brings me back to thinking of the real world, the pain. I conducted a workshop session for children caught in between parents' divorce. A pair of brothers aged 8 and 6 in particular leave a lingering impression. The stark lack of childhood joy, zombie like sullen despair and the complete absence of childish fun or playfulness in the elder boy disturbs me. He is so young and yet  so lifeless. The younger boy is clearly not able to focus with very short attention span. Their parents divorce is extremely acrimonious fighting for their custody and the boys have not seen their father for months. It is quite frightening when both boys vouched repeatedly that they hate him. I can not imagine that at such a young age their minds are conditioned to hate a very significant person  who is supposed to provide support and love in their life. 

At yesterday's session the children were taught to recognize their feelings and learn strategies to cope with difficult feelings. They were also taught to disentangle themselves from their parents' conflict and that their job is just to do kid things. 

We do a survey after a 3 session workshop . It is ridiculous to expect in 6 hours kids will be able to adopt or master the coping strategies learnt. So it is not surprising for them to tick the "disagree" answer to questionnaire sentences like "I know I need not be caught in the middle between my parents" and "I feel less stressed about my parents' divorce".

It really strikes me that what these children need is some semblance of joy in their life, some degree of hope that better things will come, some restoration of spirited carefree childhood moments. 

It sets me thinking again about what I can do for them. Maybe I need to be more proactive in this very Real World.

Impact of media influence

 

Talk about being influenced by media. Even a baby boomer like me can be subject to mass media influence. Presently a few sources have kind of shaken my silo thinking. 

I am half way through reading the book 'Nomadland'. It gives you a glimpse of an increasingly large group of people in US who live a huge part of the year in a RV (recreational vehicle) or caravan, moving from place to place to work at seasonal jobs. Though often exploited by employers offering low wages and back breaking work, many of these 'workampers' love the freedom from being enslaved in a lifetime of paying rental or mortgage for a permanent home. This is so counter intuitive to the Asian mentality of owning a home at all cost.

At the same time I am watching the popular Netflix serial 'Squid Game'. The story is a portray of social inequality where people who live on the edge of poverty are prepared to risk their life playing a game which may promise them a fortune and a way out of their financial distress. To them living in another world which offers them a glimpse of hope is better than the harsh hopeless realities of the real world. 

Then there is so much literature about 'Metaverse', the game changing approach to living where you can engage in virtual experiences as good as the real world. I recall Cyber the character in the film Matrix who prefers the more comfortable virtual world to a miserable real world, "I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that its juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realise? Ignorance is bliss." Another quote from Matrix when Morpheus asked "Have you ever had a dream Neo, that you were so sure was real?". 

I wouldn't say all the above confuse me. They however shake me up to explore new paradigm in thinking and exploring new approaches in living. I remember once, waking up from a very pleasant dream and thinking to myself I don't mind living in a dream if it is this good and so what if it is not real. On the other hand Buddhist teachings encourage one to be awakened or be aware and to live beyond the preconceived notion of needs (determined by our societal matrix) which causes suffering when unmet.

Hence our mind darts between longing to live in a dream that fulfills our sense pleasures and one which wants to transcend these attachment and be aware of the mind knowing how a trained mind will change our world. I guess that is the process a human has to go through.

Beyond 'Me'

 

If a man gets whatever he wants and every thing falls in place for him, will he be happy all the time? 

I google 'life is smooth sailing' to see whether anyone shares the feeling or experience of having an easy life. I only found one person who deems his life as smooth sailing amongst multitude postings of 'my life is never smooth sailing' or 'why is my life always a struggle'.

The young man who thinks he is quite blessed with supportive parents, financially secured background, good education and a good job, did also share about how he managed to overcome some challenges growing up as a person with high functioning autistic spectrum. He reckoned that his relatively smooth sailing life may not have trained him for tough challenges ahead. This young man comes across as a very positive and humble individual. Most important, as pointed out in many readers' comments, he is a person who is fully aware of himself and the circumstances around him and should well manage difficulties along the way.

'What's in the way is the way' as per the saying of one wise teacher.

One day I was meditating. Images,  memories, thoughts, plans, feelings jump in and out of my mind in fast succession. I watch them come and go as advised by teachers. In some brief moments I realise I have no control over all these mind flashes. Why? They are the make up of all that my senses and consciousness have encountered and accumulated, including that of the subconscious. I feel that much of me is beyond me. In a brief moment I loosen the grip of the ego Me.

'In the Way' does not only mean obstacles. They are all the stuff that come along the way, much are unexpected while much are also the product of causality.

Awareness will help to provide a clearer perspective of the way.

Time to live by what we are named

 What is a river? It is a name we give to a flow of water. It is in a continuously changing state, not even a fraction of a second the same or stagnant enough to be called an absolute object. In addition a river flows only because it is part of a natural terrain and we view a river in the totality of the water-flow together with its surroundings including the rocks/pebbles, the vegetation, the mist, the living and non living things in it ie. the entire landscape which we notice or not notice. Every tiny element of it is ever changing and yet every time we recall any river we have visited, we think of it as the same river we have last seen. 

A Buddhist teacher used the river as an analogy of 'self'. 

Reflecting on it I now think this may be what Einstein meant when he said:

"A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness".

If we adopt a paradigm shift departing from a separate 'self' approach and adopting more of a "being" approach, we may experience ourselves more as a 'flow'.

Mindfulness is one way to train our mind to be present with the flow. Meditation helps. When we focus on something say our breath, we are training our mind to be present. When feelings and thoughts arise we watch them come and go before calling our mind back to the focused point. We recognise our chattering mind, the feelings resulting from thoughts and vice versa. In some rare split-second moments we may understand the 'delusion' that Einstein and Buddha refer to. 

Apart from meditation there are also other ways to experience being in the flow eg. being absorbed in an activity such that you totally forget about yourself and are immersed in 'being'. 

Perhaps we should start living by what we are named, Human Being.

Walking does it

 

Well when you are stuck at home and travelling overseas is still a risk and a great hassle you have to look within your own country. Of course it is worse when you are living in an island state like Singapore with no hinterland; which is the reason why every holiday season will see a mass exodus out of the country. 

The recent weeks, with my husband being newly retired, we discovered a few nature walks which are quite refreshing. I didn't know Singapore still has many forested trails in addition to the coastal broad-walks, river and reservoir parks as well as botanical gardens. In the past I balked at the monotony of our manicured gardens, the blazing heat and the brow beating humidity which discourage one to venture outdoor. Thus walking has never been part of my exercise regime. Instead I attend air-cond fitness classes or swim in the late afternoons. The only outdoor exercise is my weekly Sunday 8-am taichi class when I have to pull myself out of bed so I wouldn't miss too much of it. 

With the suspension of fitness classes and quotas placed on the club's swimming pool I forced myself to walk, with a target of minimum 5000 steps per day. First I discovered much much more about my neighbourhood including small parks, a charming Japanese cemetery niched inside a residential estate, a broad canal/river just half an hour walk from home and quaint houses a few streets away. Of course I am still fussy over the weather choosing only cloudy days or timing walks after the rain.

Then I began to venture further from home taking a bus or train to forested places where I can do my nature walk even when it is sunny and hot. Where once I would never think of walking anywhere further than one bus stop , I now find walking no longer a chore and really quite pleasant especially when you are with nature. I have learnt to breach my 'comfort zone' and discovered lots of interesting places and gained new experiences. When walking alone I find myself more engaged with the world. The endorphins generated makes me comfortable after the walk and both body and soul feel restored.

“Above all, do not lose your desire to walk: every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness; I have walked myself into my best thoughts and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it.” -- Soren Kierkegaard (philosopher)