Equanimity is not insensitivity

 

Equanimity is not insensitivity. Learning to be equanimous does not mean practicing to be aloof and indifferent. Our sensitivity arises because we care about ourselves and others. Equanimity is when we are constantly aware of our sensitivity, watching our emotions rise and wane and accepting them as being human. The pali word for equanimity is Upekkha which means "to look over" ie. being able to see with calm. Constant practice of such observation evokes a sense of peace.

This is the gist of a talk I heard over podcast.

Yet it is not an easy trait to acquire. I think it needs one to be centred. It helps when one takes a step back and allows some space to view the situation, more commonly referred as seeing the bigger picture. This also involves trying to understand. Recognising that many conditioning factors give rise to a person's behaviour help us to become more empathetic and less reactive towards people who 'wrong' or hurt us. Recognising our initial emotional response originates from years of conditioning and inborn constitution also cuts ourselves some slack. At the bottom of it all recognise that everyone is trying to be a bit happier. 

Often the most difficult obstacle to being equanimous is when someone you love is struggling or hurting. To continue feeling helpless, sad or angry is difficult and the desire to get rid of the pain is instant. However this impulsive need for oneself to feel better may result in an inappropriate response for example giving not well thought out advice or lashing out. This is because we resist the reality of the situation. We can not accept and say it should not be this way. As someone suggests maybe it is more helpful by saying to yourself "This is difficult and this is how it is right now".

Needless to say it requires loads of practice. One must diligently find the inner space which remains centered amid a storm. Regular meditation which provides glimpses of calm and peace builds one's confidence that equanimity is achievable. Visualisation and metaphors also help. Once when I visited the Forbidden City, a guide pointed out a tree which is more than half a century old. I remember thinking to myself how many lifetimes of suffering the tree must have witnessed of emperors, empresses, concubines, eunuchs, maids, servants etc; yet there it stands stoic and calm watching waves of history rise and fall. This is viewing things from a bigger time dimension.

Another big picture metaphor is viewing earth from outer space. Imagine an astronaut viewing earth as a globe, experiencing the quiet stillness, then zooming in to the continent, the country, the town, the spot you are at, a tiny miniscule speck in the vastness. It may help one transcends beyond one's self absorption. 

This covid pandemic gives us much opportunity to turn inward. Now that we can not travel and with external indulgences curtailed, we should spend time practicing to find the inner space within us. Hopefully we can then watch our vulnerability with more quiet.