The Spirit of Independence- early woman settlers

There is something I find quite refreshing reading Ann Wee's book A Tiger Remembers- The way we were in Singapore. Ann Wee is often referred to as the founding Mother of social work in Singapore. Back in the 70s her university students in the course of their project work observed that early immigrants from China who remained as singles took on vastly different attitudes towards single hood depending on their gender. The single old men had low esteem for having no means to establish a family and carry on the family lineage. The single elderly female immigrants however had a proud sense of achieving independence through earning a livelihood without relying on others. Most of these grand old dames who lived in 'kongsi' (dwelling arrangement shared by singles) were either the 'Sam Sui' women who worked at construction sites or domestic servants who had pledged singlehood as a lifetime choice.
I find this phenomenon very amazing. We are referring to an era more than half a century ago when women are considered incomplete without settling down with a family, a social stigma against spinsters which lasted for centuries and which perhaps only abated until recent times. Instead this admirable group of fiercely independent women were proud of their status of self supporting livelihood. Along the way I wonder what happened that this spirit had not been upheld and that my generation still felt the pressure from society to get married despite the fact that we are educated and hold jobs like our brothers.
Apparently the history of this spirit started way back when young women in Guangdong working in the silk industry brought home income as much as their brothers. When rayon displaced silk in the early 20th Century many moved to Shanghai to work in the factories. When the Japanese invaded China these Cantonese women found their way to Singapore. "From only one dialect group, the Cantonese, was there sizeable immigration by single women " as was written in the book.

Being of Cantonese origin I am really proud of them and only lament this spirit of fearless disregard of social norms was not imparted to us. Now I also know why other Chinese dialects had the impression that Cantonese women are fierce; and I must say rightly and proudly so.

Life script review- childhood

I am currently attending a class on Life Scripts Review organised by SACE. The objective of the course is to analyse our current life script and re-script it where possible to achieve a more meaningful and better quality life. There are about 10 female participants ranging from 51 to 68 years of age, and we are still at the early stage of recalling critical life events in childhood and thinking about their impact or implications.

So far no one has shared any truly traumatic experience or perhaps withheld from sharing. However there seems to be a few common situations that the ladies remember vividly about their childhood. Do not forget we are talking about us growing up in the 1950s and 1960s. One typical experience is gender bias. So we have people sharing about how their birth was met with disappointment by grandparents/parents. One lady being the second granddaughter was denied the pleasure of being named by the grandmother. So her father had to give her a name where the second character means "end" ie. signifying the last of the female offspring. Most of the participants, not to mention one Indian lady, spoke with half humour  and half lament about how the sons in the family were treated like lords. However there seems to be very little impact. None of us become men haters or fiercely grudging feminists. All of us just laughed it off as quirks of the previous era.

Another common experience that left deep imprint is poverty and the resulting humiliation encountered. Poverty however was relative. So the hardest hit are those who went to elite schools whilst coming from poor families. Vivid in their minds were the stress of sharing books or accessories which were commonly used by pupils in different levels like the book "First Aid in English". So one had to excuse from class to get the shared book from a sibling in another class. Also of embarrassment was worn out shoes with holes and tattered or patched uniform. One lady recounted being so poor that the family rented a room from the owner of an attap house and was denied by the house owner the use of the bathroom. Her family had to take baths at the public water turnpikes. When she took her quick baths she was wary of being witnessed by her classmates who lived in the same area. The humiliation was more acute when being academically inclined one was placed in the top classes where the proportion of pupils from well off families was higher. One lady recounted being shy that her grandmother ran a stall in the school canteen. Another recounted the embarrassment of bringing a kati of cheap biscuits for the year end class party and noticing in dismay the untouched biscuits amongst fruit pudding, fanciful cakes, sandwiches and candies contributed by other classmates.

Yet one extremely positive experience is the freedom of play and especially so amongst those who lived in kampong houses or near to nature. As parents were too occupied with earning a living most were left to their own devices. Rough play and fighting to defend oneself from bullies or gangsters instilled fearlessness and independence. The joy of such freedom and carefree play seemed to erase any misery from hardship and provided the equilibrium that constituted a generally happy life.

Well at least for now that is what people have shared. Let's see what will come out as we venture deeper into our current life scripts.

US Presidency-Is it written in the stars?

So much has been written, ridiculed, lamented and dissected about the shocking Trump presidential victory that one who wishes to analyse this unexpected historical event will be affronted with mountains of material.

I watched the election results on CNN and BBC live and I could feel what it meant for the Democrat supporters to be delivered progressively poor outcomes. The live analysis became more and more painful when commentators worked out scenarios that even with the most positive outcome in the Clinton strongholds the cause seemed to be losing faster and faster. In the end it was too distressing to watch and I just quit in a general sense of despondency. Whether it is about free trade, climate change revamp, international security policies, globalization or liberalism taking a step or more backwards I do not know, but I just felt like humanity has stealthed a bit more into darkness.

I ponder about this event from a cosmic and metaphysical approach and can not help but think it is really part of destiny. To think that any Republican candidate other than Trump could have won the race given the anti establishment sentiments and that any Democrat candidate other than Clinton could also have won the race against the demonised Trump, and yet the most seemingly undeserving person came to power just smacked of a destined historical thread in the fabric of the world. In a world of climax and anti climax all situations stretched beyond limits have breaking points. So the marginalized population all the world over have revolted through their ballots in this year of the Monkey as perhaps written in the stars.

In early 2016 with the pending year of the monkey CNN asked Hong Kong fortune teller Priscilla Lam to predict the chances of the candidates for the US presidency. This is the extract:
 "She says the new lunar year will fuel good fortune for "earth dog" Donald Trump, while also lighting a fire under Hillary Clinton. Bernie Sanders' missing metal is a problem with older voters and the fighting elements of fire and water might just leave Marco Rubio all wet."

So if it is destined by the stars, it is inevitable that Trump won against all odds. Should it really be Armageddon then it should be remembered that a phoenix will arise from the ashes. Perhaps the world needs to reach a nadir point before big positive changes take place. Perhaps too events  may not be as dramatic as what Trump promised and who knows he might turn out to be amongst the great and effective presidents in US history. Who knows? Try reading the stars.

Beyond Utilitarian Values

Researches have found that senior citizens who feel they are no longer useful to anyone are 3 times more likely to die prematurely than those who feel otherwise. Is this a need for utilitarian acceptance or some form of selfish pride/self esteem?

Going into the future this problem may extend to the general population when AI and robotic automation brings about unprecedented job loss. It has been suggested that almost half of existing jobs are threatened to be displaced by 2025. It is this threat that has given rise to the idea of an universal income, a basic income for every resident in a country. It ensures everyone's basic needs are met without the negative carry of being on social security. However being without a job has far reaching consequences beyond just economic. There is  the loss of self respect and the emotional pain of not being needed by society.

Hence the values of society must also undergo a paradigm shift. There need to be new criteria for social acceptance beyond job status . In some ways the new generation are exhibiting some semblance of such change like the emergence of social enterprises. Social entrepreneurs are described as "individuals with innovative solutions to society's most pressing social problems." The millenials want real meaning beyond collecting things, homes and cars and they are creating new definitions to success and what constitutes a well lived life.

In a world where every one has a basic income and jobs have to be shared there will be more leisure time for the development of the human spirit. A person can now worry less about bread and butter and is freed to find work in area which really interests him. More people will engage in artistic pursuits, innovative ventures, learning and research. People will also have more time for social interaction. In short people can become more alive if you will.

 Even the unemployed need not suffer from economic uncertainties nor the emotional loss of self esteem.Utilitarian values and material success which inculcate competition and personal gain will no longer be the criteria for external approval. Social participation, self expression, self learning and creative innovations may be the new values replacing them.

I must reiterate the quote which I mentioned in a previous blog which says what the world needs is people who have come alive. Ask what makes you come alive and do that.

When 10 meter is way too far

I attend Taiji class at Serangoon Garden Country Club every Sunday morning from 8 to 9 am. 2 Two classes are conducted at the carpark with half of its length ringed off for the purpose. Swimming classes for the children start at 9am. Usually by that time there will be a stream of cars approaching the carpark. Drivers who come later will have problem finding a proper car park slot but can always park their car at an open unpaved ground still within the club's premise but about 10 meters away. As the gym is nearer to the place where we practice Taiji a person going for his workout will have to walk slightly further as he cannot access the carpark spaces outside the gym. The club had in the past received complaints about these inconveniences but the club held its stand explaining that the Taiji groups have been practicing for more than 2 decades and there arent't any alternative space for the classes. One really fails to figure out what the rationale of the complaint is given that people go for exercise at the gym. So an additional 20 meter walk from the carpark to the gym is a toll and it doesn't even qualify as a warm up?

This morning about 5 minutes before 9 am a car drove at quite a speed abruptly stopped before the 2 traffic cones and tapes which were used to cordon off the area for Taiji. I was practicing closest to the cones and could see the driver giving us a hand signal with his palm as if saying "What is this man?". I gave him a smirk look which I hope he could notice.  Ignoring him the teacher just continued as per normal. Meanwhile I was a bit worried that the driver might out of sudden madness bulldoze into us. A short while later 2 boys around 8 to 10 years of age came out of the car and walked towards the pool. The male driver in his late 30s then got out, stood next to the opened car door and asked in a raised irritated voice "what time will this be over?" By then we were done and the teacher quickly removed the traffic cones.

I caught sight of the guy queuing  at the pool cafe to order food on my way to the ladies. I was thinking to myself that I should walk up to him and pass some sarcastic remarks. I was musing over what I should say. Perhaps I can walk up to him and say "Sir, don't you agree that we have many first world problems in Singapore" or maybe I should say "Sir, you must have a terrible day today, sorry we made you wait " or maybe "Sorry sir that we delayed your breakfast" or even "Sir, you really showed a very good example to your kids on how to assert your rights".

I don't know what's coming over me but as I grow older I develop impulses to voices my opinion even in front of strangers. For instance I told a cab driver once to be very wary when he shared that he has a Chinese national girl friend. In another instance I told the contract cleaning worker that he should cut down on his smoking. Maybe this is what they called the "以老卖老" syndrome ie, using the excuse of age to ignore rules. 

In the end I didn't speak to the guy although I stared at him and gave him a dirty look on my way out. In the car I mused about it and became aware of my lack of kindness. Who knows maybe he really had a bad day or perhaps his wife left him. It is also possible he is a product of much blessings such that minor inconveniences seem insurmountable. Maybe I should have given him a pitiful look instead.

Passionate pursuits

I was lunching with my husband at a restaurant yesterday. A young couple with 2 young kids were at the next table. As it was a buffet lunch I had lots of time watching people nearby whilst my husband passionately tried all kinds of food being served. One of the kids at the next table was sitting on a baby chair whilst the elder one was trying her best to reach the food on the table. Their age difference was small and I noticed mum and dad taking turns to feed the kids and engaging them. The couple looked like professionals or executives and instantly reminded me of myself and my husband 3 decades ago in a similar situation. Very likely it was the maid's day off and the easiest way was to eat out and get the kids distracted in some new environment.

I began to muse how very likely the couples' trajectories and wishes could resemble ours a long time ago. It was a time when, with one mindedness, we spent all our energy on providing the children with every thinkable resources to nurture their physical and intellectual development as well as emotional development as an afterthought. We worked on our day job to finance and enable this pursuit and tried our best to balance the time and effort between work and family. We worried about their school work, we worried when they were sick, we worried about the friends they had or not had, we worried about their career choices, we worried about their partners or lack of. Maybe because I was gazing at them, the young mum stared at me. Maybe she thought I was being nosy or maybe she wondered whether this middle age  couple is childless and lonely or is having empty nest syndrome.

Now me, the middle age woman having lunch beside the busy young couple was really wondering what else she could do with her life other than relishing food and seeing places. What passion can now fire up my life. I watched a BBC documentary on Sir David Attenbourough, the naturalist who produced and narrated  BBC natural history programmes. The documentary showed him at 88 still travelling the world  filming natural life (often in precarious positions like being hoisted 250ft in the air filming the bat colony in a Borneo Cave); and learning with great excitement and enthusiasm of the latest equipment and technology available to make better films.

I think having a passion will keep a person going and living to a ripe old age, for example Warren Buffet at 86 is still keeping his passion of investing alive. However not everyone is so fortunate as to have a passion or know one right away. Fortunately you can find or develop one though it may be a long self-discovery process. It usually starts with recalling the subject that you often talk about most excitedly. It does not need to be something artistic or altruistic and can even be mundane to most. It's an activity that fully absorbs your mind and you are in the state of flow. One should really embark early in search for one.


"Don’t worry about what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive"- Howard Thurman

Shakespeare 2016

Watching the first 20 min of the second US presidential debate made me wonder how the presidential candidates of the world's most powerful country had stooped so low just exposing each other's dirty linen. It was worse than a cat fight. Increasingly it becomes harder and harder for me to comprehend the happenings in this world.

Todays ST carried an article "Shakespeare explains the 2016 US election". In the play Richard III, Shakespeare  through his characters portrayed 5 types of people that collectively enabled a loathsome villain to attain the crown. As with many of his plays, his observation about human truths are still applicable in this modern world.

The 5 types are as follow:
- Those who trust that everything will continue in a normal way
- Those who can not focus and have a penchant for forgetting, always trying to normalise the abnormal
-Those that are frightened or helpless in the face of bullying
-Those who felt they could gain from the situation and hence assisting the process
-Those who take pleasure in the madness and outrage and as the writer puts it "enjoying every minute of his ascent to power"

I was just thinking that the same traits are present in our people too though we had never put outrageous candidates into parliament. I am not ashamed to admit I can be included in type 1 and 2. The trust that everything will work as before leads to indifference and apathy; relying on the structure to resolve whatever problems that arise. Even if something does seem evidently wrong it is easier to forget and not remembering the problem whilst trying to normalise it (type 2).

Way back when I was very young I voted for the ruling party because I was working for the government and feared my career prospect might be jeopardised if the vote was not really secret as was claimed. As I became more matured I was angry when their strategies to gain vote tilted towards blackmailing. Hence I don't belong to type 3 nor 4.

Though I followed the US presidential debates just to enjoy the drama, I do not for a moment wish an irrational and unkind person to be the US president. I am no sadist, and

I should reread my Shakespeare literature books.