Apps for download

So I have been using the Chinese dictionary a lot to pre-read the text prior to each Buddhist class. It is quite a time consuming process. For certain characters where the reference radical is not obvious, it may involve several trials to get the right radical where the word is listed. One night feeling the strain, I remarked to my daughter how great it would be if there is a software where I can just write the character on the screen and its pronunciation and meaning will pop up. She thought for a moment and said it could well be available. It took her less than 5 minutes to locate the Pleco Android and helped me to download it on my handphone. The software allows search for the Chinese character through either writing on the screen or selecting the radicals. I was amazed. What I deemed as a fanciful wish has all along been available.

My daughter asked me to try it out by writing any Chinese word. So I wrote 我 on the iphone and immediately ' wo' appeared together with its meaning ( "I or me", "we or us" ) as well as suggested phrases linked with 我; where just a touch will give further meaning. I was really thrilled and diligently continued with my readings whilst marveling at the ease in looking up the difficult words.

When I finally closed the text having "played" enough with the new found toy, I thought to myself that attending this Buddhist class has really forced me to learn Chinese. However on deeper reflection I realised that whilst my Chinese has improved I may not have progressed very far in Buddhist concepts. It occurred to me that the first character I instinctively wrote when trying out the app was 我. Hence 我 is still huge in my subconscious mind, a sure sign that attachment is still strong.

My fanciful thinking now wonders whether there is an app currently available to help in my awakening to the Buddhist concepts. It again may not be that fanciful, for in Zen Buddhism enlightenment can be sudden. It is there for download.

Objects that say Singapore

Today's Sunday Times has an article entitled "50 objects that say Singapore" ie. objects which over the years can tell the history of Singapore. Amongst the 50 items listed I could relate most to 3 of them.

When I returned to Singapore after spending more than 10 years in KL where my father had a tailor shop, my siblings and me had to put up at various relatives' homes in Singapore. For more than 2 years we pined for a home of our own. Heavenly bliss came in a small envelop (like the one shown in the picture) containing a set of keys to a new 2-room rented HDB flat. This was the best set of home keys I had ever received. I don't even remember being half as happy getting keys to progressively bigger homes over the years after getting married. The HDB envelopes must have really lighted up many many faces over the years. To me it deserves top spot in our history.

The second object triggered an amusing memory. Many many years ago when my daughter was in primary school, to celebrate National Day the Straits Times held an art contest whereby kids were asked to submit drawings with Singapore as the theme. Now I had never been a mother who bothered to encourage her children to take part in contests, least of all art contest. However my daughter was pestering me for a Tamagotchi which was the rave of the day. 50 tamagotchis were to be given away by ST for winners of the contest. I told my daughter who always hovered between a pass and a fail for art to try her luck. We put our heads together on what it must take for her drawing to attract the judges' attention, knowing if she drew a national day parade hers would be the first into the garbage bin. It must also be a drawing that saw little difference between that of a talent and an untalented. So we agreed that she should draw a durian because it's Singaporeans' favourite food, because it is least time consuming to draw and also the only thing she was capable of drawing. So amongst the 50 little drawings that appeared in the papers, the durian was the only one amongst national day parades, fireworks, etc. Aha! after so many years our idea is validated by ST today and chosen amongst 50 items that say Singapore.

And least but definitely not last, it's my husband's favourite, trustworthy and never failing "Good Morning" brand hand towel. He has been using this branded towel since the day he first learnt to wash his face in the morning. I think my husband deserves a loyalty badge. No other lush and soft imported towels can replace this 祝君早安 towel. I think it is more than just being cheap (S$3.50 for half a dozen) and lasting as he claims. Unknown to many, it probably has a far more significant value. It perhaps provides an assuring presence every morning in a shifting world, it touches your face and greets you with a comforting "Good Morning" before you walk out to meet the changing faces of Singapore.

More than one starting point

During the Singapore Writer's Festival I attended a rather interesting presentation by 2 British comic creators. They shared some tricks in getting creative ideas to write a comic, which I think is equally applicable for writing a children's book.

For example a story can be created just combining a random object with a random activity. As an illustration they asked the audience to pick one object and one activity. Someone shouted "comic" and another person shouted "football". In just minutes the duo came up with a story about a comic book being coveted by all the statesmen in the world. Whoever possesses it will have supreme power. The world leaders gathered for a meeting and agreed to pitch each other at a football match to decide who should have the book. They then created humorous descriptions of the Queen of England playing against other world leaders which the audience could kind of imagine how funny the caricatures will look.

Ideas could also be derived from researching into the extraordinary and weird stuff. As an example they got from the London Underground information on  things left behind in the trains by commuters. Amongst the unbelievable lists include stuffed eagles, real eyeballs, dentures and a 14 feet boat. Interesting and funny scenes or stories can be created just imagining the circumstances when the owners of these objects left them behind.

Watching the duo's presentation makes me think how I have always been a linear thinker. To me there must always be 'a' starting point upon which one builds on in progression. So if I think of writing a children's book, I will first think of an object eg. a cat. Then I will imagine how cats normally behave etc. It didn't occur to me there can be multiple starting points. It strikes me how limiting linear thinking is. I think it is the same with single approaches towards things in Life. Well used single approaches based on generally accepted norms or cultural habits should sometimes be reviewed against alternatives. It may open another world.

Living by Examples

Reading about other people's experiences in the papers or on the net often provides a yardstick for our own way of living. Is this necessarily beneficial?

For instance when I read remarks made by the wealthy self-made CEO of Serial Systems that he has no qualms in financing his children's education up to 40 years of age! it assured me that I am not spoiling mine by financing their post grad studies. Similarly, when the papers reported a judge's decision that S$15K a month is sufficient to maintain a wealthy wife in a divorce case, it gives me a reality check on what fraction of that is required for my own un-lavish retirement.

Now I am disturbed that I can not rely on my own judgement and always need assurances from knowing that others are doing this and  not doing that or that an average parent allows this and disallows that etc, etc. Living by the social norm, is this even necessary at this stage of my life?

On the other hand being exposed to the experiences of the younger generation does provide some new paradigm. However I always wonder what actually holds me back from a less "normal" lifestyle. For instance you hear about this guy, a hedge fund manager who gained financial independence at his late 20s and instead of accumulating more wealth or building a more successful career, goes away to live in various pockets of the world. Now I analyse why I would seriously never do that no matter how much I fantasize about it. Fear of uncertainties, lack of sufficient examples, inability to leave the comfort zone, lack of confidence and  too much family attachment; these are the various factors for not  leading a more adventurous lifestyle; and not just in terms of territorial but include other vocational aspects of life as well.

Whoa what am I rambling and rambling this morning? Maybe suffering from the influence of a novel. Pardon my continued rambling. Sometime my mind is so spongy. I can read a book or watch a tv drama and at night dream I am a character in the story. Scary. Some novels are so well written that it describes so subtly and aptly the feelings and thoughts of certain characters that strikes notes in your own heart so vividly. "Hey that's exactly how I feel" you may say and "I would never have found these words to let Myself know the true 'Me'." At times like these, it is really good and therapeutic to know you are not alone; for
Here's an example of Me.

Aging

An uncle in his 80s suffered a stroke and had to be hospitalised and subsequently transferred to a community hospital for step down care. Now amongst the relatives of my parents' generation, I regard this uncle as the most rationale, most reasonable and open minded. However the illness had taken a toll on him such that he began to exhibit suspicious, sensitive and less tolerant characteristics which are so unlike him. He was also emotionally distressed as the stroke had affected his left mobility. His brains could also have been affected  to bring about such changes in behaviour. It is quite disheartening though to see the change overnight.

It brings to mind how unprepared we may be to face the inevitable degeneration of our body. Even for one in his 80s and who had enjoyed relatively good health for more years than an average person, one can still never accept a body that stops functioning as well as it used to be. Apart from encouraging him to think positive and focused on regaining his mobility and independence through diligent physio therapies, do we need to advise him that some impairment is inevitable as one ages?

There is this strangeness about growing old. Sometime I "feel" younger than my looks. When not reminded by aches and failing eyesight and memory etc, one actually doesn't feel one is older because one's thoughts are very much the same as when one is younger. In fact if one spends a bit of time looking at oneself in the mirror one may be taken aback by the disparity between the actual appearance and what the mind perceives of one's age. This is why one may get a shock when physical problems arise especially when they occur suddenly. This is especially so if the mind unaffected by the illness remains alert and "young" and finds it difficult to accept that one has become incapable and dependent on others. There may also be an underlying fear that immobility may lead to further social isolation and loneliness. As it is, loneliness is already felt when no one in the family seems to truly understand oneself.

Perhaps it is necessary to start training ourselves to be constantly aware of our body, our feelings and our thoughts. If like a bystander we can observe how these affect one another we may stand a better chance of being more prepared for aging.

Penang

A free hotel voucher and cheap budget airline tickets find me and my husband on a cab from Penang airport to a beach hotel. We were told it had been raining for a week as dark clouds loomed. In the distance, mist and clouds hung over the hills in the horizon. It didn't strike me that Penang was this hilly during my last trip maybe close to 2 decades ago. Penang is really more scenic than I thought. As the hills provide a continuous backdrop and as the cab passed some old Chinese schools with the old school buildings still intact,  I begin to understand why some Singaporeans from Penang are still so attached to their homeland and alma mater. I recalled how before my own alma mater in KL made room for the Paragon shopping centre, I would visit the school every time I visited KL. Even after the Paragon was up I would still pace the road, telling myself this back entrance to the shopping mall must be where the gate of Primary school was and this cafe inside the mall must be where the canteen  was.  Perhaps this is what they called "roots" and strangely enough as a person matures the roots can take on more significance just as the roots of plants grew thicker and deeper.

Though the hills are now dotted with highrise condos and the esplanades have taken a modern touristy polish with restored buildings beside highrise ones, the island does not lose being rustic. Georgetown is still dotted with narrow streets lined with shop houses, old colonial mansions and clan associations. There are plenty old coffee shops and street stalls with very very good hawker food. I particularly enjoy having meals under zinc roofed joints with a huge tree right in the middle where the zinc roof was cut to accommodate its trunk. I like the idea that the tree whilst providing the shade watches how humans indulge in simple pleasures.

I guess it must be heart warming for people of Penang origin to be able to go back to their hometown once in awhile and find those places edged in their memories remained little changed. In fact I read in the papers about the intention to build a Hakka tulou 土楼.  Such cultural focus is amazing. And even if some places are no longer there, there will still be the looming hills and its landmark temple that tie the heartstrings of its people.

Does the MBS sky-park tie ours? Maybe the manicured Botanical Gardens will be the last straw!

The art of listening

Sometimes when I reflect on a session which I had with a client, I want to kick myself for not giving a more appropriate response. All the useful things I could have said come flooding upon me after the event. Why didn't it occur to me at that moment? Why was I so dumb struck? Am I inadequate? This usually happens on the day of the session.

For every session, case notes have to be made for record and reference. I usually do that a day or 2 after the session. That means I will be looking through my scribbled notes, recalling, reflecting on the process of the session and recording the main take aways. A more objective mind takes over and I realise that apart from the perceived useless and stupid responses, there were also some helpful and comforting ones.

It has been said that "the art of counselling trumps knowledge and intervention. Knowing what to do is of little value if trust hasn't been fully formed." Finding the right verbal response is not important. What is important is what the clients hear and take away. What is the use of saying the right thing if the client is not hearing. This is especially so for children who are continuously being talked to by teachers and parents. For them it takes more them words to put the message across. Besides every individual is unique and one intervention does not work for all.

For children staying in a home away from their own homes, the emptiness can be gnawing.  Sometimes it is enough just to listen quietly and feel with them.