Our workshop for children from divorced families is over 3 sessions on 3 consecutive Fridays. One participant did not turn up for the first session. When contacted the father said he didn't see the need for his son to attend. However we were quite startled when the boy turned up for the second session brought in by his mother. The mother was then advised to work this out with her husband as the child seemed to be benefitting from the workshop session. When the boy did not turn up for the third session the mother, when contacted, said the child was scheduled to be with the father on that day and she could not make him bring the kid to attend the workshop.
Jennifer Hurvitz, author of One Happy Divorce said " You have to love your child more than you hate your spouse "
Fortunately, there was the father of another participant who amusingly related to us that the child applied what she learnt from the workshop promptly. When asked by her mother to pass a message to him, the little girl told her mum politely to do so herself. The girl said she didn't want to be "caught in the middle".
For every despair there is hope.
Still it is hard for these kids. Indeed when asked about the take away, strategies and tools they have learnt in managing their feelings and worries, they can regurgitate the contents. However on completion of the workshop sessions when asked in a survey form whether they agree they now feel less stressed about their parents' divorce, many still 'disagree'.
Indeed it is not only about how much the children can absorb in the 3 two-hourly sessions, it is largely dependent on how much effort the parents are willing to put in to suspend their anger/hatred and work towards a common goal for the mental well being of their children.
"When you tell a child you hate their other parent you are telling them you hate half of of who they are"-unknown
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