"This is Me, not my tattoos, not my degree"

 

The local media celebrated the success of an ex gangster  who picked up the pieces after spending time in a detection centre twice and then went on to ITE, Polytechnic before graduating with highest distinction in Social Work in NUS at the age of 31.

Something he said in his interview with the media strikes me. 

All the accolades and congratulatory messages gave him 'mixed feelings'. Though happy, he has questions being the poster boy who is able to succeed academically despite adverse and disadvantaged circumstances. He feels sad that people do not really appreciate him as a person (tattoo and Singlish inclusive) but more the qualifications he has achieved. Unlike his ITE classmates and friends from the gangs who are more "genuine" and accept him as he is, he thinks people are generally too "materialistic". He related how he became quite self conscious about his appearance and manner of speech when he first entered university and found it difficult to connect with his classmates. He appreciated people who accepted him as one of them. 

Hence he wrote a book entitled "I am not a label, I am Gary" 

I think of how I am probably one of the so called 'people' who measure another person by appearance, social standing and education. It's not about being snobbish. It's more like sizing a person up so that I know how to interact or safeguard myself if necessary. I guess it is natural animal instinct to avoid danger. Admittedly I would be initially wary of a person whose body is covered with tattoos extensively. However my counselling training and counselling experience has taught me that beneath the appearance and mannerism lies a human being who wants to be accepted. 

When I was a counsellor in a neighbourhood school, boys who told me in confidence about being part of a gang, behaved humbly and were willing to share their secrets when I made them feel unconditional acceptance ('unconditional positive regards' in counselling terms). Beneath the defiant behaviour are boys who want to be accepted and not sanctioned.

Once I engaged a cleaning contractor who employed ex convicts to spring clean my home. 2 heavily tattooed middle aged men came with their supervisor. I was a bit uncomfortable being the only one at home. However as I observed them concentrating on their work I dropped all my defenses and interacted with them normally making them feel comfortable too I guess. 

Gary (the poster boy) said only when university classmates didn't battle an eyelid at his tattooed body he felt he was part of them. In his interview with the media he stressed "This is Me. Not my tattoos. Not my degree".

Yes Gary while I am awed by your academic success despite your challenged background, I am grateful to you for reminding us to accept others as themselves.