Of late I notice I am becoming a tat too grumpy and grouchy. I seem easily discontented and find easy targets at my husband's 'eccentricities' which have been normal for him anyway. So now I find I have lower thresholds for tolerating his hoarding habits, his frugal ways and his over chattiness. On self reflection I think I am the one who has changed. Am I growing into a grumpy old woman?
Applying mindfulness to my inner feelings, I detect a hidden sense of sadness or maybe anger or something though I can't think of any obvious reasons to feel this way. I think about the commonly perceived image of seniors being grouchy and picky. I have a feeling deep down they too may have some inner angst. Of course chronic illnesses/ pain and loneliness contribute to unhappiness but there may be something deeper and less recognisable.
I think it could arise from the frustration of not fully understanding our human life.
Researching into this I find a possible explanation from an article "Existential Questions of the Elderly-Alfried Längle and Christian Probst" :
"... if it (life) is seen as something pragmatical - functional, then it slowly loses its last value in old age, it becomes senseless and finally turns into an absurd torture. But this extreme situation can also open man's mind to discover a deeper layer. In old age, man might discover bit by bit that the search for one's own personal attitude to life and the reaching of a comprehensive understanding of human life which includes coming to terms with religion could be the ultimate meaning of life"
"It is all about the question one might never have found the time to ask oneself: "How well can I be with myself? Can I maintain a good conversation with myself?"
The above offer good leads into further self introspection.
Useful reading!
https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.541.5555&rep=rep1&type=pdf#:~:text=You%20can%20ask%20yourself%3A%20%22How,existential%20meaning%20of%20advancing%20age.
No comments:
Post a Comment