Peer Parenting Pressure

 

China's Ministry of Education has declared that outside-school education has been "severely hijacked by capital". After-school tutoring is now considered an impediment to the government's top focus which is boosting a declining birth rate.

Singapore is facing the same problem of excessive tuition outside school and declining birth rate contributed by stress of competitive parenting. 

Of course the parents' start off point is good in that they do what is deemed to be for the children's future and providing opportunities to maximise their potential. Yet often times this crosses the dangerous threshold when the concern for the children is overridden by a quest for personal achievement through the children's success as deemed by society at large. This has undesirable impact on the children who my suffer from low self esteem, anxiety and other mental disorders.

I recall many years ago when I was a school counsellor in a low ranking school, I had under my care a teenage boy who was presented with poor self esteem, lack of interest and listlessness. He shared that his mother, a lecturer, expected him to study round the clock. He felt he was a disgrace to his family because all his cousins in the extended family went to prestigious schools. When I suggested to both mother and child to compromise on an agreed study schedule, I was berated for interfering by the mother who also remarked that her child had gone through numerous counsellors with no improvement.

Recently a 16 year old student at a Singapore school with a history of mental disorder killed a school mate with an axe. We do not know the factors contributing to his illness and the incident but it is a wake up call for us to be concerned about our school children's overall well being.  

Amongst a surge of commentaries in local social media encouraging better awareness of mental health, a 12 year old school pupil wrote to our press talking about the "tremendous amount of stress when facing a major national exam" and recounting classmates who engaged in self harm to relieve stress and anxiety. He called upon all children not to neglect their mental health and implored them not to resort to self-harm while suggesting they express through sharing and crying out if need be.

Asian parents are known to pile expectations onto their children. Asian children in blogs & forums have opined that their parents look upon them as source of prestige and bragging rights. The more sympathetic kids attributed it to the parents' own fears and insecurities. According to them their parents want to play safe and have peace of mind so they themselves don't have to suffer the fears, anxieties, struggles and other difficulties their children may encounter later in life. All these remarks point out to over attachment of Asian parents to their kids' lives.

I commend the 12 year old kid who wrote to the press for his acute awareness. The child's advice to his peers should awaken parents. Just like the child who cares deeply for other children, parents should learn from him to be more concerned for the overall well-being of their own children.