Saturday, June 26, 2021

Dostoevsky on kindness

 

I am reading a book "Dostoevsky in Love" by Alex Christofi about events in Dostoevsky's life that shaped his thoughts and writings. The author pulls out excerpts from Dostoevsky's works to reflect his world view when undergoing different life experiences. Dostoevsky lived in an era when Russian intelligentsia were pressing for radical socialist and political reforms. 

One particular excerpt from his novel 'The Idiot' leaves an impression on me.  "Individual kindness will always remain, the living impulse of one personality to exert a direct influence upon another". Dostoevsky seemed to be reminding the intelligentsia that kindness is the core of being human even amidst the fervor of  radical ideologies.

"In scattering the seed, in your kind deeds, you are giving away a part of your personality, and taking into yourself part of the other; you are in mutual communion with one another"

I particularly like the phrase 'and taking into yourself part of the other'. I kind of relate to this when I am engaging in counseling/therapy work. It is like receiving something from the person you are engaging with. That is why we always thank them for sharing their personal problem/experience with us.

It is very much in line with the Buddhist emphasis on metta or loving kindness as a core practice. 

As Dostoevsky puts it in 'Letters of Fyodor Dostoevsky to his family and friends':

"To be a human being among people and to remain one forever, no matter in what circumstances, not to grow despondent and not to lose heart- that's what life is all about, that's its task."

Wednesday, June 23, 2021

Meeting expectations in a Marriage

  Interesting article "Maslow and marriages in a time of pandemic" by Chong Siow Ann discusses the hierarchy of needs in marriages over time and over different circumstances. He talks about how marriages which used to be an arrangement for mutual basic need has over the years moved up the Maslow pyramid to one expecting support of self-actualisation from one's spouse. Here he gave the example of Bill and Melinda Gates' recent divorce citing reasons for being unable to grow together as a couple. 

I think of my parents' generation and how many of those old couples plod through their stormy marriages right to the very end. The main contributing factor was the wives' dependence on the husband to put food on the table to raise a large family. Divorce in my generation is also few and far between because we avoid the social disapproval of divorce (probably straddling between the Maslow need for social belonging and self esteem). The expectation of today's young couples have included growth and actualisation in an "all or none marriage".

It is not surprising that older people  are also influenced by the millennia's way of thinking. Statistics have shown rising rate of divorce in older couples above 45 in Singapore. Thinking about it I must admit my expectation of my husband has widened in scope too, Whilst I once focused on his being a good father (when the children were growing up ) I now lament over our incompatibility in interests. What was once considered differences is now perceived as incompatibility.

A writer in Psychology Today called it psychological bias (on loss aversion) where human beings are genetically encoded to focus on causes of pain more than causes of joy. However he contends that how "we experience relationship is a function of what we notice about them". Hence every time we are irritated with our spouse or feeling disillusioned we must call to mind something good to counter our psychological bias.

Hence we must hold the values imparted by our parents to compromise and tolerate incompatibilities while at the same time learn from the youngsters to ensure we have the freedom to develop personal growth (by our own self if need be).

Thursday, June 17, 2021

Unknowns

 

The known knowns, the known unknowns and the unknown unknowns. 

It was comforting to read that even Berkshire Hathaway's Charlie Munger said that it is normal to feel confused about the investment climate during this pandemic. As of now the differing views on whether inflation is going to be temporary or longer term makes one unsure about one's equity/bond portfolio. 

First of all keeping abreast of the known knowns is already taxing enough. For example you thought retail Reits will surely be hit hard with plunge in shopper traffic. Surprisingly enough you read about "trip consolidation" (where shoppers spend more on their less frequent trips to make up for it) and the dichotomy between city and suburban malls. Then you have to keep track of which companies will benefit from WFH and even companies that benefit from changing pastimes and behaviour during the movement restrictions.

An analyst cited the tourism industry as an example of the known unknowns, meaning it will definitely pick up and the only unknown factor is the timing. Perhaps I have begun to lean towards pessimism observing wave after wave of this pandemic all over the world. I begin to lose faith even in the so called known unknowns fearing unforeseen circumstances at every bend. 

This morning I heard news about the melting of the Artic ice reaching the tipping point of irreversible global warming. Also due to climate change a rare late frost has destroyed a third of the harvest in a prestigious French wine producing region. The known unknown is how fast and how bad will the impact of the climate change be. 

Thinking that the potential vengeful recovery of the tourism industry will fast accelerate the impact of climate change, I have a strange idea about the unknown unknowns. Maybe unknown to us some supernatural force has planned this pandemic as a chance for isolation and introspection, for people to rethink their priorities and values. It may also be a wake up call to test the world's preparedness for more severe pandemics to come. It also serves as a reminder of how inter related we are and the importance of  unity among countries.

" We are born from the unknown, journey through the unknown and eventually leave through and to the unknown. It is better to form a conscious relationship with the unknown and let go of the desire to control ( or attachment to ) a specific outcome. "

Monday, June 7, 2021

What we don't know

 


The US intelligence agencies will submit a report to the US Congress later this month based on the government's files on UFOs or UAPs (Unidentified Aerial Phenomenal. Apparently the Pentagon is not ruling out the alien theory citing absence of evidence to reject it.

It pertains to objects sighted and tracked on radar by military personnel in air-craft and naval ships. Apparently these objects travel and maneuver in ways that surpass physics and aerodynamics comprehensive to our world. 

In addition to the extraterrestrial theory (aliens from another planet) there is speculation on a "Ultraterrestrial" theory which is something outside our 'physical reality'. It is known as the IDH interdimensional hypothesis ie. something outside the dimensions we perceive. This theory is fueled by the fact that these objects seemed to travel at speeds faster than light which makes interstellar travel seem impossible. In addition these objects were known to appear and disappear from sight and radar, hence fueling the hypothesis that the UAPs are able to enter and leave our dimension or travel between different time dimension or realities.

I am really intrigued with this news. I have often dismissed the sightings of  UFO as hallucinations or wild imaginations at best. With report of sightings by the US military and the Pentagon's inability to proof otherwise, I begin to wonder about our so called perceived reality and how much there is unknown to us. Just think of it this way, without the telescope and the microscope our perception of the world we live in and who we share it with is so limited. We rely on our senses to apprehend reality ignoring the fact that much of reality can not be perceived by our senses.

We close our mind to anything that defies logic or science (ie. up to the latest scientific discoveries todate). In a way we may be behaving like the clergies in the times of Galileo.

I don't know how this coming report will affect my world view but as of now I think I will not dismiss any metaphysical/religious/transcendental theories without deeper thoughts. It also calls for a check on attachment to this material world.


"What we know is a drop, what we don't know is an ocean." Isaac Newton