Contradictions

The last day of the year and decade calls for some reflections of course.

Seems to me that the world around me is polarised and forces seem to be pulling from opposite directions. Perhaps this has affected me and I constantly wonder which side to follow. The following are some contradictions which tug at me :

-The ''OK Boomer" inter generational divide has caused me to vacillate over values like family & marriage, jobs and careers. The millennia generation's love for individualism has given rise to low birth rates.  While I feel that children bring joy and generate growth/continuity I also despair over how the human race destroys other life species. With respect to job security, while I support my adult children to pursue a career that aligns with their interest, I also fear their disregard for money and status is pure idealism. I secretly miss the bragging rights of an Asian parent's standard measure of an adult child''s success . On the other hand I silently pray hard for my children to achieve their own sense of fulfillment in life.

-When watching a footage on the Sydney forest fire, a scorched koala squeaking in pain wrenched my heart. In another instance I am engrossed with a magazine recommending exotic travel destinations. How can I enjoy travel without guilt ever again ? Travel is one of the few things that I really enjoy but I also despair over the recent reported catastrophic consequences of global warming.

-I listen in silence when my fitness classmates rant about ungrateful Singaporeans voting for the opposition party even though our government has done such a good job in meeting our needs. I agree with them and ask myself whether I am a prodigal daughter. Yet I fear that a one party government with group think can not last for long. I also particularly hate the authority's bullying behaviour of the opposition parties, suppression of slightest critique or disagreement and the lack of objectivity of our state press.

- I am thankful for the blessings that living in this country bestows. Yet the mainstream silos and the narrow definition of success and happiness saddens me. I frown at the Ah Liens and Ah Bengs' shallow obsessions. Yet I constantly wonder how simple routines make my illiterate mother-in-law such a happy and contented woman. I indulge in occasional profound contemplation but at the same time realise it can be a slippery slope that leads to nowhere. Perhaps the greatest profundity lies in my mother-in-law's living simply in the moment.

In short, over the years I have often found myself feeling contradictory. However I do have something to be elated about. I discover I am declared "young" again even as I feel the ache in my bones. Those between 65 and 75 are now known as YOLD, the young-old. What a delightful contradiction!