Caught unprepared- questions on sexuality

During the last session at the Children's Home, I was caught unprepared when a few girls in their early teens asked me questions about sex. It all began when they were laughing and teasing around when they discovered that the toy baby boy has full body anatomy including private parts.

I normalize their curiosity and then discussed what they have learnt in school about human biology and sex. They have learnt about sexual organs from Science lessons but actual sex education is taught only in Secondary 3. Despite that it is clear that they know quite a fair bit already from social media etc.

Then they popped the questions. "Is it really nice?", "Do you like it?", "Does it hurt?"

My response to the first question was "Yes if you truly love the person"

My response to the second question was "It's ok lah" to which one of the girls remarked "You don't love your husband huh?". When I asked why she thought so she said I didn't sound very excited. Were they expecting a jubilant "YESSSSS" reply, I wondered.

As for the third question I was contemplating a technical answer but decided to repeat the first response as a motherhood answer.

Since they were on this topic I thought perhaps I should shared a bit about the risk of unwanted pregnancy. They seemed to be aware of that quoting incidents they know. I then considered  educating them a bit about how boys may put pressure on their girl friends to have a sexual relationship.

One of the girls then remarked that couples should only have sex after marriage. I then thought I should also discourage them from marrying too young and having children too early.

Just when I said "You should only consider having babies when you are working and can provide for your baby" I suddenly recalled all these kids are from either single parents or dysfunctional families. I was dumb founded and did not elaborate further because I could jolly well be talking about their mothers not being able to look after them. It also dawned on me I am ignorant of how their religion approach the subject of sex education, marriage and procreation.

This encounter however was a reminder that I lack the knowledge of what constitutes a healthy discussion with teenagers on sex and also in the context of their culture. Have I forgotten that in counselling I must be careful not to use my own personal criteria and should be aware of the cultural background of the client?

Certainly I need to do more research and be more prepared for such discussions.