Moments of feeling important

While looking for a document I stumbled across a journal I wrote way back in 2003 detailing the daily events during a road show in the US to sell my company's bond. It was the company's debut international bond road show involving the Chairman, CEO , Executive Director , CFO, several others and me. Although I do not belong to the top management, my role was crucial as a worker bee crunching the numbers for them to agree on the pricing and liaising with all participating banks in US, Singapore and HK to carry out the FX swaps (hedging the foreign currency exposure).

As I read, I recalled the sense of pride when I described how I was the "nucleus" of the pricing operation remarking "everyone was running for me" and being seated between the chairman and the ED. I can still remember how important I felt when the Head of Sales Syndicate at Morgan Stanley New York invited the CFO and Treasurer to the trading floor to fix the prize which was followed by cameras clicking and champagne popping.

16 years later it really surprises me that I still look upon those moments fondly and with pride when my memory was refreshed. My Buddhist studies seem to have been lost on me when I discover I still relish moments in my life when I felt important. Looks like I am still attached to being 'somebody'.

However the fact that I have actually forgotten about them until I read the journal is a good sign. It shows that I do not hold these so called personal moments of glory too dearly. I am known to have a very short memory though. I do not recall much the details of events that happen during my first career in finance. On the contrary I remember quite vividly certain encounters and experiences I had with the children I counselled and engaged with during my second career. It just means that experiences that touch my heart stay in my mind longer or forever, at least more than any pompous moment of recognition by others (which no one even remembers except myself).