Happiness Act

With credits offered for joining WINGs as a member, I am now attending a course "Happiness Act". Very often in attending such courses, it is not so much what is offered in the syllabus but the sharing among participants and remarks made by the trainer and participants that give glimpses of various challenges in life and ways to meet them.

Yesterday's topic included Healthy Relationship and Authentic Communication and needless to say there was quite a lively discussion about husband/wife relationship. One particular remark by the trainer struck me. She said it is quite common for elderly couples to have little conversation with each other, especially after the children become independent and have  left home. With increased life expectancy however we have to seriously think about how to live another 2 or more decades with our spouse. Do we want for the rest of our lives to live in a cold war environment or for that matter plug along in boring coexistence?

She suggested that we have to make a serious effort to 'create a new relationship'. I never saw it that we have to 'create' a new life together. At the back of my mind, it has always been resigning to 'incorrigible' behaviour and accepting (with lament) different interests for the rest of our lives to avoid further frustration. It never occurred to me that something more proactive should be done.

So for a start I googled about creating common interests among couples and found this website suggesting "80 Fun Hobbies for Couples to Strengthen Relationships"- 21 outdoor, 16 indoor, 15 to do at night and 28 to do at weekends.

Well out of these 80, swimming, travelling, watching movie (in our case historical tv drama), eating out at same old places are about the only hobbies we do together. I guess from this list of 80 there will be a couple he will be game for after persistent requests like having a picnic, going to the theatre and kayaking. On my part I must brave the sun to agree to cycling and hiking. In addition instead of nagging about him turning our garden into a jungle, we can collaborate our individual gardening effort or embark on DIY projects, maybe with me drawing the description and he building and implementing. To avoid argument and blame we may have to compromise or make an agreement that once a month at least each has to abide by the other's request.

Hopefully he will appreciate my initiative. Like my trainer says if we don't start now we will dwell in a lose-lose situation for the rest of our lives. It's time to grow as a couple before it's too late. It's time to act and that is why the course is entitled "Happiness Act"