Try a bit harder

Some of the kids in my sandplay program at the Children's home have become bored with individual therapy and ask for joint sessions with another participant. Hence I have allowed joint sessions that evolve more into play sessions. To make the sessions more beneficial for them I have introduced counselling  cards and interactive board games where one child can hear another talk about their fears and joys etc.

One such card set consists of pairs of feelings like 'excited', 'embarrassed', 'surprised', 'sad', 'angry' etc. In one such joint session were 2 girls one 8 and another 10 years of age. The younger girl has a deep anger issue and often throws huge tantrum. She is under the purview of a school psychologist and had on one occasion threw things at the psychologist. I have been with the older child for 2 years and she is now more stable, matured and well behaved compared to earlier years. At the start of the session the younger girl wanted to play 'restaurant' where my role is to be a customer whilst the girls take turns to be chef and manager. ( An opportunity for me to point out their strength be it in organising the kitchen, creativity in writing out the menu and co-operation between them). However I suggested playing the card game first which didn't go very well with the younger girl.

The card game which all 3 of us played is very much like the donkey card game where upon getting a pair of similar cards you throw the pair down. I just twisted the game to make each player share an experience of the feeling written on cards when the pair are thrown down. The older girl was very expressive and even shared an occasion of being embarrassed when she wet the bed. The younger girl however was not expressive, either because she has limited vocabulary or too young to share on top of already being sulky. She threw down a pair of 'sad' cards and refused to say anything. The older girl asked her whether she was sad when her mum didn't show up on her birthday to which she nodded before we proceeded with the game. Her birthday is in November.

When the game was over we went on to play the restaurant game. Half way through though the pair got into a heated exchange with the younger girl spewing out some vulgarities. Apparently the older girl was pretending to be angry in her role play as manager and scolded the 'chef'. The 'chef' however didn't accept being scolded even at role play. Despite the older child trying to convince the younger that it was all 'play' 'play' the later's anger did not abate. I then persuaded the older child to leave the room before hell broke lose as the younger child was beginning to grab things for throwing.

When the older girl left the younger one was still uttering profanities and I tried to calm her down explaining that it was all play and no one was angry with her. She refused to listen and made a gesture of wanting to hit me. In helpless response I told her we started off the session playing happily together and we could have ended the session being happy instead of being angry for nothing and that we have a choice to be happy or angry. What she retorted astounded me and affected me upon reflection. She said angrily "Not every one can be happy like you".

Her response was just as spontaneous as mine, an utterance from the inner child.

I have been thinking about it. I need to find a skilled supervisor to assist me in my work. The girl's appointments with the psychologist are months apart whilst I have more regular contacts with her. I actually have more opportunity to help her but I need to have more skill. I need to learn from someone instead of just relying on my usual strategies and research.

I am searching for a skilled counsellor/psychologist as my supervisor. I am writing this in my blog to push myself to actually do it instead of procrastinating.

"Not everyone can be happy like you".

I am not happy all the time my dear little girl but we can always try a bit harder to be.