Right speech Right action

I am not trying to preach here but I think "right speech" and "right action" as part of the Buddhist eight fold noble path to reduce sufferings is so evident in our lives.

My colleague and I counsel a mother and her 15 year old boy respectively. Their relationship is estranged as the single mother has all along left the care of the child to a relative in another home. During a joint session when all 4 of us were present my colleague and I thought there was some headway as both mother and child cleared some misunderstanding and bared some truths.

I had a session with the boy recently and learned from him that things had turned sour again. It started off well when the boy and his guardians invited the mother to their home to celebrate her birthday. They had bought a cake. Meanwhile the boy had made an appointment with the technical support of a telco to call him around 7pm. According to him his mother was aware of that but insisted that he took his shower and kept nagging at him. As it happened he missed the call whilst taking the shower. He said the call meant a great deal to him. He was so pissed off that he shut himself in the room after slamming the door, refusing to participate in mum's cake cutting. This was followed by more heated exchange. The episode ended with the boy watching his mum left on her motor bike from his bedroom window.

I tried to get him to reflect what he would do differently if given a chance to relive that day to achieve his original intention of celebrating mum's birthday. I also asked him to reflect what mum could be feeling when he watched her leaving on the motorbike. Though he defended himself vehemently I could tell he knew his mother was hurt.

Though it is not common for counselors to disclose their personal feelings I could not help but express how I felt hearing his account. I told him I felt it was such a great pity that what had started off as a happy occasion (rare in their circumstances) was brought to an unpleasant end by rash actions and lack of patience and tolerance.

After the session whilst recalling and writing my case notes, the image of the son watching from his bedroom window his mum leaving on her motorbike and the image of a crushed mother leaving a blotched celebration on her birthday evoked in me a sense of the pointlessness of unwise actions and speech.