Financially incomapatible- is it a problem?

In an article "What being financially shamed taught me about relationships" Simone Paget related how her boyfriend broke up with her citing incompatibility in earning power. He remarked "I want someone who can keep up with me."

Simone came from a financially poor background where her parents had to make do with DIY Cabbage Patch kid toys for the children, make shift furniture, dressed-up sofa which hid the wear and tear and a rusty volkswagen to send the kids to school. She didn't feel embarrassed except for once when a friend described her house decor as "weird". However when this pampered boyfriend gave his reasons for the break up she felt like a "six year old again, watching ashamed and horrified as someone kicked my DIY-ed Cabbage Patch Kid down the street because she said it was 'stupid and fake'."

Indeed in marriage counselling finances is a subject which need to be discussed and compromised. Therapist Alysha Jeney opined that "income, career, debt and relationship with money all come from an emotional place". Hence it is important for a couple to recognise differences in the value and emotional experiences of their partner in relation to money. The consumption habits learned from growing up years have also to be reckoned with. The writer concluded that she became more wary when forming new relationships looking out for compatibility in the attitude towards money and spending.

I thought to myself perhaps that was why in olden days the Chinese placed importance in "木门对木门, 竹门对竹门，”. The literal translation being "wooden door should be matched made to wooden door, bamboo door should be matched made to bamboo door". This would minimize disagreement and discord arising from value and habit differences in upbringing.

Both my husband and I do not come from well to do families and were taught to be frugal. Even then the differences in the extent of frugality and the type of expenses to exercise frugality often result in frustrations and hands throwing up resignation. My father in law had a chicken farm to produce eggs and the family of 11 had encountered seasons when a viral attack on the chicken would wipe out their income for several months to a year. Thus the need to save for a rainy day was ingrained in the children especially the older siblings. Not only that the need to stock up supplies for unexpected hard times had such an everlasting influence on my husband that I had to accept sorting out closer to expiry sauces, can food, beverages ever so often. The whole store room is also filled with spoilt gadgets the parts of which may prove useful when repairing another gadget. Many a times I have to tell him outright "You are no longer that poor. grow out of it". 

Of course my own consumption habits have their shortcomings too. My mother loved little luxuries that came along once in a blue moon. So once a while she would splurge on a very costly tin of UK imported biscuit or chocolates for the children. Also she would save up for a very beautiful but expensive fabric to make a gorgeous dress. The imprint on me is "expensive means good" in quality. Hence when I can afford I will go blindly  for the higher priced product which is a total attack on my husband's look out for the 'good and cheap'. Fortunately we have sort of agreed on the rights over purchase of different household items.

Can you then imagine what it is like if a daughter of a tycoon marries a man from an average income background. It reminds me of the book "Crazy Rich Asians" where one of the character is a tycoon's daughter who married a government scholar or something. She had to hide her dresses when she returned from her shopping spree in Europe.

Well at the end of the day relationship is about accepting minor incompatibilities as long as they are not deal breakers, right? So I must say to Simone, the writer "Good Luck".