Let the myths linger awhile.

I am helping out in a workshop designed for children from divorced families. During the first session the children learnt about myths and truths. It seems to me one of the hardest truth for the kids is "My parents will never be together again" and the myth that "My parents will be together again" is the most difficult myth to be thrown to the wind.

The second session is about being caught in the middle. The children were asked to express their feelings when used by parents as a go between messenger or when they have to put up with the bad mouthing as well as bearing the brunt of each parent's anger. The children were taught how to send out "I" messages in a tactful way expressing how they feel when caught in these situations. So a worksheet that goes like "I feel........when you........" followed by "I hope..........."  is handed out. Examples were given like "I feel scared when you ask me to tell daddy he can't have time with me next week. I hope you can tell daddy yourself".

However one child insists on writing on the worksheet " I hope you and daddy will be together again" after filling up the first part. The social worker asked him isn't that a myth which was learnt last week. The boy retorted that he always tries to bring his parents together again. When the social worker asked him whether he succeeded he replied "No, but we have to keep on trying". The child is 9 years of age.

In my sandplay engagement with a little girl, it took her more than 10 sessions to finally acknowledge the fruitlessness of hoping for a reconciliation and that was after her mother remarried. Her second last session with me was a poignant sand story about a child and her mother being transported to a new world. The child in the story was petrified that her mum had totally lost all her memories of the old world. Though my client is experiencing a new life with her new dad there is the lingering fear that mum will totally forget the old world they once lived in with her own dad. As I told her mum those memories meant a lot to her.

I guess even when we must learn to live with truths, we can let happy myths linger till its time for them to fly away.