Rescue the Rescuer

As a sandplay therapist I sometimes meet parents of my clients to provide feedback on my observations about them. As such I also learn about the kinds of challenges these parents are facing in life. Furthermore I am also aware of the circumstances which landed the kids in the children's home I am volunteering in. All these associations sometimes make me very philosophical about life and in the mood to search for meaning.To be honest I am sometimes affected and have to make a conscious effort to be detached. That is the reason why counselors need a lot of resourcing and by the way I think they are grossly underpaid.

 What I fail to understand however is why even in my choice of books or literature to read I would inevitably favour those that describe lives under challenging social settings. So recently I borrowed a book which is a collection of the best American essays published in 2016 across various states' magazines and newspaper. The essays give a glimpse into various facets of American life. Some are quite funny and entertaining whilst others are sadly engaging. Those that remain in my mind are the ones that describe intense emotional struggles. In particular is one where the writer gives a poignant account of her parents' pain and sacrifices in bringing up an autistic sibling in the 1960's.

My son ascribes this character trait of mine to the water sign I am born under, Cancer. According to the horoscope Cancerians are said to be deeply sympathetic and emotionally vulnerable in that they are very sensitive to other peoples' feelings.

Looks like this rambling is going nowhere (lol). How did it begin anyway? Ah I remember. I was asking myself this morning why I am so affected by the Lee family squabble. I told myself "I hate bullies" that's why. That started this self conversation wondering about my sense of sympathy for people who either are victims of social ills and injustices or who suffer some misfortune.

 Perhaps I should have more sympathy for Myself too. Maybe I should further analyse the "rescuer" personality in me. Could there be an imprint from way back as early as childhood?  From a positive angle it could be a nurturing trait developed since childhood having to take care of either parents or siblings' emotional needs. From a negative approach it could well be an attempt to rescue the self from some painful past, projected onto others and hence a form of self-healing.

Looks like I got to rescue myself from the need to rescue others.