Where we Belong

Was researching into how to build resilience when I came across an article by Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook who has to help her 2 young children manage the sudden death of her husband. She listed a few key points which include:

1) Mattering- showing that the kids matter
2) Attention
3) Appreciating that there is beautiful things despite the hurt
4) Talking about the past to develop a sense of belonging

The first 3 points are not unfamiliar to me. Whilst trying to show concern and care I have always tried to encourage the kids in the children's home to talk about what they love and enjoy. However the last point in the article helps clear my doubt as to whether to mention about their family who has kind of 'abandoned' them in the home. When I ask about their family they normally give me very curt replies. I was not sure whether drawing them to discuss their family will make them feel the pain deeper. However I now I understand the importance of point 4. Sheryl consulted a friend who is a professor in psychology and he stresses the importance of talking about the past so that the child feels connected to something larger than themselves. That is the sense of belonging.

Reflecting on my sandplay sessions with the kids I now develop further insight into why even though some children have stayed in the children's home for years, in their play they consistently build a family scene with daddy and mummy feeding the children and bringing them shopping. I used to think that is a sign of their desire to be nurtured. Now I know there is also the need to belong. From now on I shall be bold to lead them to discuss about their family and their past to remind them that they do belong to a family, something larger than themselves.