CNY Banters

My daughter sent me a a website that has gone viral which the writer cheekily describes as "Power Plays or Micro-aggressions" during CNY when "banter about your boy/girl" is prevalent. The writer invites people to add on to the list of things that aunties and uncles say at CNY gatherings. It drew a lot of responses with an inexhaustible list of overheard comments that make your eyes roll in disbelief at the insensitive things that people can actually say. Very often the remarks made by relatives have the underlying intention to show off whilst other remarks simply show insensitivity or intentional sarcasm.

Some of the outrageous things that people say include:

-Can't find boyfriend yet? Better set your standards lower, you are almost 30
-You so fast getting married next year? Wah! for the first time in your life, you managed to beat your brother at something
-Every year my mum tries to 'raise' my value by replying to my relatives that there are guys 'chasing' me but I'm not interested
-You are in poly? My son is in NUS/NTU
-You taking Arts? Graduate do what? My son is taking Law
-Wah you look so dark, you look like a maid

 and the list goes on and on showing how people like to be one up or are insensitive to other peoples' plight. Here is the link if you are interested
https://vulcanpost.com/527032/google-docs-of-cny-power-play-goes-viral/

No wonder many youngsters dread CNY visitings. Honestly not only the youngsters, even parents like me dread those often repeated questions about whether my children have BF/GF. In a vain attempt to stop this question I announced that my son is more interested in saving up to pursue further studies and not interested in girls. Can you imagine what a rude shock I got when someone asked "Is he interested in boys if he is not interested in girls?" I replied, that in all honesty he is interested in neither being a philosophical hermit who just loves to pursue knowledge and think (but can you imagine how parents of LGBTs feel). What really affects me a little however is when my sister-in-law seeing how I love to play with her grand kids and out of goodness of heart insinuated to my daughter to help fulfill my wish. When true meaning people pass such remarks it can be worse because you are convinced by them that you lack something.

Coming back to why people like to 'raise the value' of their kids; it is really another ego trip. This is especially so amongst  Asians because children are like extensions of themselves. I think some people have to put others down to assure themselves they are OK.

There is an underlying irrational belief in many people that they can not live with the inequality of not having what others have, hence the constant need to be better or at least equal to others. Accepting the inequality of not having what other have can be learnt and with practice will brace us through banters at many future CNY gatherings.