Have a peaceful journey

One unique experience living in a landed property in Singapore is when a death occurs in your neighbour's house. It may be a normal mundane morning when suddenly lorry loads of fold-able tables and white plastic chairs arrive or you may come home after work to find white tentages erected in your neighbour's house. Such was the case when I returned home one afternoon to find preparations for a funeral wake taking place directly next door. The couple with their 2 children are just a few years younger than me and there aren't any old folks living with them. Gingerly my husband and me called on them to find out what happened before the coffin arrived. You may say it was a bit of a relief for us when my neighbour and his wife greeted us at the door.

Apparently my neighbour has a brother who lived in US with his family. He had died suddenly and being a Singaporean wanted to be cremated and have his final resting place back home. Hence the funeral wake was held in my neighbour's house. We made another trip to pay our respect and I noticed the coffin was placed in the living room.

Now it is usual for me to take my afternoon nap on the sofa in my living room. That afternoon after the visit, as I lay down on the sofa I thought of the coffin next door, just separated by a common wall. At first I thought it spooky but then I began to contemplate accepting death and not to fear it as encouraged in Buddhist teachings.

As I write this blog I am looking out of my dining room where a funeral is taking place next door. A bereavement van is parked outside my house. A priest in white  robes walks past and I hear the singing of hymns. The van is then driven into the house. A bus stops in front of my house and people get onto the bus apparently to attend the church for the final service. Now all is quiet and all the vehicles have left.

I remember many years ago when my brother in law passed away I was in the bus heading for the crematorium. As the bus was travelling up a flyover I looked down at the vehicles criss crossing the lanes below. I thought to myself then, one person has left us and "the world goes on" as if nothing has happened. In most other funerals that I attend I have this same feeling, a sense of confusion, of not being able to grasp the reality of death whilst the world goes on as if none the worse. But such is life. Death touches the heart of the loved ones but with time they will heal and life goes on. Death dwells  side by side with living. Just like this morning I could hear my neighbour playing with the granddaughter of his deceased brother at the backyard. "Look at the bird" he said pointing to the chirping bird on the fence as the little toddler squealed with delight and their dog barked and my cat napped separated by a low barricade. All these when a dead body laid in their house.

May you have a peaceful journey and May the hearts of your family heal soon and carry on their lives with bearable pain and beautiful memories.

Fun in the Din

There were about 10 children when we were about to start the story telling session yesterday having just sung "The Library Welcome Song" (lyrics composed by me incidentally). We were interrupted by a knock on the door and in trooped about 7 autistic teenagers accompanied by 3 social workers. I greeted my unexpected guests cheerfully and when they settled down I got the children to sing the library song again. From how the teenagers behaved I knew they are rather low functioning and I wasn't sure how the session will progress. Nevertheless I proceeded in my normal way, flavouring the story with exaggerated animal sound and cartoon voices. What I didn't expect was a lot of echoing and imitation of the sound that I made from the teenagers for it is quite common for autistic kids to repeat sound and words they hear. The only problem was they were doing this loudly without control and the social workers had to try their best to quieten them.

Now it is also usual for me to inject a lot of jokes and adult sarcasms in the portrayal of my characters, more for my own pleasure and for that of accompanying parents and maids. Yesterday amongst my audience there happened to be a easily tickled grandmother who let out peals of laughter more often than appreciated. Needless to say she added on to the din which was already increasingly difficult to manage. At one stage one social worker had to leave the room with one of the teenagers. I could see that the parents were also feeling a bit uneasy. (The session was specifically mentioned for kids below 6 years although many primary kids like to join in).

The real heroes were really my 10 little kids. They were glued to my story and took it in their stride the loud exaggerated response from the teenagers seated behind them as if it was mere over enthusiasm. They did not reinforce the din nor did they seem scared when one of the teenagers lay on the floor refusing to get up. Encouraged by them I decided to carry on with my usual drama much to the pleasure of grandma and the children. I don't know how much the teenagers have taken in the story but they applauded loudly imitating the social workers.

I realise the children were just being their natural selves not affected by any thoughts and pre-conceived notions about the group of people sitting behind them. Unlike their parents, they were not yet conditioned to expect certain decorum of the teenagers and seemed to accept them as fellow story listeners eager for some excitement.

At the end of the story, WE all had good fun didn't we? That's all that matters, really.

CNY Banters

My daughter sent me a a website that has gone viral which the writer cheekily describes as "Power Plays or Micro-aggressions" during CNY when "banter about your boy/girl" is prevalent. The writer invites people to add on to the list of things that aunties and uncles say at CNY gatherings. It drew a lot of responses with an inexhaustible list of overheard comments that make your eyes roll in disbelief at the insensitive things that people can actually say. Very often the remarks made by relatives have the underlying intention to show off whilst other remarks simply show insensitivity or intentional sarcasm.

Some of the outrageous things that people say include:

-Can't find boyfriend yet? Better set your standards lower, you are almost 30
-You so fast getting married next year? Wah! for the first time in your life, you managed to beat your brother at something
-Every year my mum tries to 'raise' my value by replying to my relatives that there are guys 'chasing' me but I'm not interested
-You are in poly? My son is in NUS/NTU
-You taking Arts? Graduate do what? My son is taking Law
-Wah you look so dark, you look like a maid

 and the list goes on and on showing how people like to be one up or are insensitive to other peoples' plight. Here is the link if you are interested
https://vulcanpost.com/527032/google-docs-of-cny-power-play-goes-viral/

No wonder many youngsters dread CNY visitings. Honestly not only the youngsters, even parents like me dread those often repeated questions about whether my children have BF/GF. In a vain attempt to stop this question I announced that my son is more interested in saving up to pursue further studies and not interested in girls. Can you imagine what a rude shock I got when someone asked "Is he interested in boys if he is not interested in girls?" I replied, that in all honesty he is interested in neither being a philosophical hermit who just loves to pursue knowledge and think (but can you imagine how parents of LGBTs feel). What really affects me a little however is when my sister-in-law seeing how I love to play with her grand kids and out of goodness of heart insinuated to my daughter to help fulfill my wish. When true meaning people pass such remarks it can be worse because you are convinced by them that you lack something.

Coming back to why people like to 'raise the value' of their kids; it is really another ego trip. This is especially so amongst  Asians because children are like extensions of themselves. I think some people have to put others down to assure themselves they are OK.

There is an underlying irrational belief in many people that they can not live with the inequality of not having what others have, hence the constant need to be better or at least equal to others. Accepting the inequality of not having what other have can be learnt and with practice will brace us through banters at many future CNY gatherings.