Let them be Heard

Currently I volunteer at a counselling centre which runs a program helping families which are going through various stages of divorce. I engage the children who exhibit emotional issues with sandplay therapy. I will record case notes after each session for my own reference as well as themes and feelings which I have observed exhibited by the child. Often the themes revealed in the sand stories are very telling of the situations the child is in, like loss, insecurity, need for protection and anger. Sometmes the children may also make comments about their parents directly or indirectly through the symbols they have selected for their sand story,

Now I was at a predicament how much of my observation should be shared with the parents. I pass my case notes to the counsellors engaging with the parents. The practice of confidentiality is essential in counselling not only as part of ethics and trust, but in the case of children, to ensure they remain open and do not close up should they know their secrets are shared with their parents. Hence I would request the counsellors to reveal only very broadly to the parents the general feelings of the child and the repeated themes in his/her play so they know what their child is undergoing. At the back of my mind I was also fearful how the child's predicament may impact the parents.

Today however I was relieved to read in the newspapers about our Family Justice Courts embarking on a "Child Inclusive Dispute Resolution" Australian model which gives parents a chance to hear how their children are affected by their divorce. Instances have shown that by adopting this model parental conflicts especially over child custody resolves faster as parents understand the plight and wishes of their children. Australian child psychologist who pioneered the model emphasized the importance for trained professionals to find out the children's feelings, as they may not tell their parents the truth. Therein lies the challenge for the child counsellor to gain the child's trust to share his/her true feelings. In one of my sandplay sessions, a child displayed a very dark theme of a bunch of helpless females hiding behind a castle under siege by enemies and resorting to a divine statue to protect them when their soldiers failed. After the session when the kid's mum came to collect her and asked her what the story in the sand tray was about, I was stumped when she told her mum a brief happy story about the happy princess in the castle taking a ride on a horse in the open country. This child has shared with me how stressed her mum is at home. In my work I have seen so very often the child being worried for the parents.

Yesterday a child's remarks at the children's home pulled at my heartstrings. In the midst of playing masak2 (cooking) she suddenly uttered, "When I am a mother, I will take care of my children". Will this remark if passed on to the parents make them live more responsibly so as not to leave a child in an institution?