No longer Funny

Came across a very funny but true to life joke. When a middle aged lady met her dentist during her first visit she found him rather familiar. She recalled he might be the guy whom she secretly had a crush on in high school. However she told herself the haggard and shrivelled old dude before her could never be the same guy she once admired. Yet her curiosity took hold of her and before she left she asked him whether he came from school X to which he affirmed. When she found out he graduated in the same year as she did, she exclaimed excitedly "You were you in my class!". The dentist frowned, screwed up his eyes and looking at the old hag intently asked "What subject did you teach?".

This is a situation I can relate to because it happens ever so often. Many times I come across people of my age whom I haven't seen for ages and I think to myself, "Oh my Gosh, how he/she has aged" without realising it is reciprocal. "Oh you look the same", this often used phrase must be one of the most common lies. I hear this a lot from people and I must say I am pleased even though I know it is deceiving. There were 2 occasions when I was presented the truth and I can tell you I wasn't happy. One remark was when I was still holding my corporate job. A bank associate whom I haven't met for awhile looked shocked when he saw me and remarked "You must be under a lot of stress these few years". Needless to say I didn't think much of the product he was pushing. On another occasion I approached an ex-colleague whom I have not met for awhile asking him whether he could still recognise me. He replied with all the politeness he could master "We have all aged". See, I can still remember these 2 remarks and the guys who delivered them whilst the many "You look the same" have lost their faces.

This aversion towards being old though prevalent in today's world needs some rethink. Just the other day I visited a bed ridden uncle in a step down hospital. A young Chinese National girl who was the junior nurse on duty was attending to the predominantly elderly patients in the ward. I noticed she has a very fair and beautiful complexion with porcelain skin. Whilst I was there I observed she had changed the diapers of 2 patients. The unpleasant odour emerging from behind the screens and the sight of her emerging with the soiled change in her gloved hands made me feel very uncomfortable. I went out to the corridors for a breather. The contrast between that pinnacle of youthful beauty attending to wasted flesh and bone somehow ruffled me. Upon reflection, I felt ashamed of my aversion and told myself I need to expose myself more to the aged and acclimatise myself to the conditions of aging. I together with my siblings and friends are on this journey which demands not only physical adjustments but loads of self acceptance .

I was reminded of a sad account by a daughter who never forgave herself for failing to put her elderly mum at ease when she came to stay and convalesce. She recounted one incident whilst walking her mum to the toilet, the mum just slided underneath her support bringing both of them on the floor. When her husband ran to the scene he found both women sobbing. With her knickers revealing, the old lady was crying her heart out with "I am so sorry, dear, I am so sorry" repeatedly.

We have to learn to accept indignity. Maybe we got to start with learning to put  the elderly at ease for being dependent. And of course even before that to refrain from the aversion towards aging. Trying to hide our age is no longer funny.