A Stand-in

I visit a Girls' home once a week to sort of mentor 3 girls. They have long lost interest in sandplay therapy which I was supposed to engage them with, so now I wear a muffled counselor cum mentor/nanny hat. The social workers are fine with whatever means I deem appropriate to keep the sessions going. With one particular 13 year old girl the way to maintain rapport is through listening to her kind of music. This particular girl (whom I shall call "My GIRL") is one of the few whom the home finds very challenging because of her boisterous and unrestrained behaviour.

Recently 2 residents of the home who seem older (maybe 16 or 17) and belonging to the well behaved group approached me. They asked me in a curious manner the reason of my weekly visit. I briefly described sandplay therapy to them. As our conversation progressed I realised their initial curiosity was really targeted at My GIRL. They asked me "So have you found out what's wrong with her?" I can sense from their snigger and remarks that they disdain My GIRL intensely. When I told them I am now trying to befriend her they remarked sarcastically "I pity you" and they did really give me that pathetic look before walking away.

I was taken aback how their remark did affect me. I have on several occasions questioned myself why I am spending time with My GIRL. You see I actually stumbled across her quite accidentally. The home had originally requested for me to have therapy just with my other 2 girls but on my first visit My GIRL saw me and insisted she was super keen on sandplay therapy. Sometimes in counselling you can really feel lousy when the client doesn't seem to have progressed an inch. Fortunately such times are balanced out with surprised progress of other clients. Otherwise it is a very draining vocation.

Then something happened which made me changed my mind about her. My GIRL is being assessed by a psychologist who instructed her to keep a journal about her thoughts, feelings and resultant behaviour. Yesterday she passed me her journal to read whilst she occupied herself with rapping and singing along with the music which I downloaded for her. I read pages after pages occasionally lifting my eyes to look at her swinging to the tempo of the music. I recalled the remarks made earlier by the 2 residents and can imagine how it may reflect the way many of the residents perceive My GIRL. I now know I am staring at a very lonely girl who feels so unloved beneath that loud and boisterous surface.

In the journal she longs and laments for her grandmother and I know now I may be the stand-in accidentally or not.

(Incidentally My GIRL writes exceptionally well)