Aging

An uncle in his 80s suffered a stroke and had to be hospitalised and subsequently transferred to a community hospital for step down care. Now amongst the relatives of my parents' generation, I regard this uncle as the most rationale, most reasonable and open minded. However the illness had taken a toll on him such that he began to exhibit suspicious, sensitive and less tolerant characteristics which are so unlike him. He was also emotionally distressed as the stroke had affected his left mobility. His brains could also have been affected  to bring about such changes in behaviour. It is quite disheartening though to see the change overnight.

It brings to mind how unprepared we may be to face the inevitable degeneration of our body. Even for one in his 80s and who had enjoyed relatively good health for more years than an average person, one can still never accept a body that stops functioning as well as it used to be. Apart from encouraging him to think positive and focused on regaining his mobility and independence through diligent physio therapies, do we need to advise him that some impairment is inevitable as one ages?

There is this strangeness about growing old. Sometime I "feel" younger than my looks. When not reminded by aches and failing eyesight and memory etc, one actually doesn't feel one is older because one's thoughts are very much the same as when one is younger. In fact if one spends a bit of time looking at oneself in the mirror one may be taken aback by the disparity between the actual appearance and what the mind perceives of one's age. This is why one may get a shock when physical problems arise especially when they occur suddenly. This is especially so if the mind unaffected by the illness remains alert and "young" and finds it difficult to accept that one has become incapable and dependent on others. There may also be an underlying fear that immobility may lead to further social isolation and loneliness. As it is, loneliness is already felt when no one in the family seems to truly understand oneself.

Perhaps it is necessary to start training ourselves to be constantly aware of our body, our feelings and our thoughts. If like a bystander we can observe how these affect one another we may stand a better chance of being more prepared for aging.

Penang

A free hotel voucher and cheap budget airline tickets find me and my husband on a cab from Penang airport to a beach hotel. We were told it had been raining for a week as dark clouds loomed. In the distance, mist and clouds hung over the hills in the horizon. It didn't strike me that Penang was this hilly during my last trip maybe close to 2 decades ago. Penang is really more scenic than I thought. As the hills provide a continuous backdrop and as the cab passed some old Chinese schools with the old school buildings still intact,  I begin to understand why some Singaporeans from Penang are still so attached to their homeland and alma mater. I recalled how before my own alma mater in KL made room for the Paragon shopping centre, I would visit the school every time I visited KL. Even after the Paragon was up I would still pace the road, telling myself this back entrance to the shopping mall must be where the gate of Primary school was and this cafe inside the mall must be where the canteen  was.  Perhaps this is what they called "roots" and strangely enough as a person matures the roots can take on more significance just as the roots of plants grew thicker and deeper.

Though the hills are now dotted with highrise condos and the esplanades have taken a modern touristy polish with restored buildings beside highrise ones, the island does not lose being rustic. Georgetown is still dotted with narrow streets lined with shop houses, old colonial mansions and clan associations. There are plenty old coffee shops and street stalls with very very good hawker food. I particularly enjoy having meals under zinc roofed joints with a huge tree right in the middle where the zinc roof was cut to accommodate its trunk. I like the idea that the tree whilst providing the shade watches how humans indulge in simple pleasures.

I guess it must be heart warming for people of Penang origin to be able to go back to their hometown once in awhile and find those places edged in their memories remained little changed. In fact I read in the papers about the intention to build a Hakka tulou 土楼.  Such cultural focus is amazing. And even if some places are no longer there, there will still be the looming hills and its landmark temple that tie the heartstrings of its people.

Does the MBS sky-park tie ours? Maybe the manicured Botanical Gardens will be the last straw!

The art of listening

Sometimes when I reflect on a session which I had with a client, I want to kick myself for not giving a more appropriate response. All the useful things I could have said come flooding upon me after the event. Why didn't it occur to me at that moment? Why was I so dumb struck? Am I inadequate? This usually happens on the day of the session.

For every session, case notes have to be made for record and reference. I usually do that a day or 2 after the session. That means I will be looking through my scribbled notes, recalling, reflecting on the process of the session and recording the main take aways. A more objective mind takes over and I realise that apart from the perceived useless and stupid responses, there were also some helpful and comforting ones.

It has been said that "the art of counselling trumps knowledge and intervention. Knowing what to do is of little value if trust hasn't been fully formed." Finding the right verbal response is not important. What is important is what the clients hear and take away. What is the use of saying the right thing if the client is not hearing. This is especially so for children who are continuously being talked to by teachers and parents. For them it takes more them words to put the message across. Besides every individual is unique and one intervention does not work for all.

For children staying in a home away from their own homes, the emptiness can be gnawing.  Sometimes it is enough just to listen quietly and feel with them.

Follow this woman

Earlier in the week I had tea with a friend who is semi-retired to explore "what to do with the rest of our lives". Though both of us are doing some volunteer work we feel a lack of structure in our lives. Yes I am still feeling a bit listless, and yes despite the fact I have so often remarked there is so much to do, to read, to learn, to enjoy bla bla bla.

Now the news about Ms Yellen taking over the job as Fed Chairman will probably stir us further. Hey, Ms Yellen is 67! Not only will she be the first woman to hold that post, she will undoubtedly be the most 'followed' person in the world. I recalled when I was at my corporate job, I not only had to read news about Greenspan's statements but also to read commentaries which analyzed his statements. These analysts would read between the lines, behind the lines, the words omitted, his facial expressions, intonations etc etc to try and arrive at the real intentions behind Fed's policies. Now this Yellen is known to be a communicator who believes that the public should be clearly aware of the future-policy of the Fed in order for them to be effective. Like most woman she is apparently very thorough, carefully researched and prepared. Apparently she is known to be less rigid or hung up about short term targets as long as the policies alleviate unemployment, and as long as the long term targets are aligned. Wow! It will be interesting to watch how analysts report her statements. Probably no more shrouded mysteries that need to be pieced and unraveled. Yay for woman vastness and largesse!!!  And hey she cooks and hikes as well (oh God she puts me to shame). But of course she also has support from her husband who is an econ nobel laurette and son who teaches econs in Warwick (hey must also ask my son to gate crash his class. May get some tips which affect market directions). Apparently her dinner guests must talk economics! Well if at 67 her mind is so avid and working so brilliantly, we, years her junior, can't hide behind the excuse of a fraying aging mind to be laid back.

I think you would have guessed. Our discussion over tea led us no where beyond "let me know if you have any good idea" But then you see, Yellen has a passion for economics. So first of all we have to discover our real passion, if any. Not only will Yellen be most followed by the market but I am sure by many many women in the world.