Face the Cold Shoulder

 I attend taiji class every Sunday at a club. 2 weeks ago I noticed there was a new class for beginners which runs concurrently with ours. From afar I spotted from amongst the new students an ex ex colleague. Well there are some people in your life who put you in a quandary as to how to behave when meeting them.  After class as usual I lingered awhile to chat with my classmates. Along came this guy with his wife whom I have also met before. My reflex response was to acknowledge them with a smile when they neared me. The wife smiled back perhaps not so much in recognition but as any fellow classmate would. This guy however looked straight ahead, his gaze as if transfixed at an object far away. I was a bit put off.

On the way home I kept musing over whether he actually saw me and if so why was he ignoring me. Unless he has impaired side vision it was quite impossible not to have seen me when he walked within 2 feet of me. If he had seen me but chose to ignore me; was it because I carry insignificant network value or could it be he was still angry over some friction at work ages ago.

Yesterday I was again at a dilemma after taiji class. I was engaged in a conversation with my own classmates when I saw him walking my way  with his wife. I thought to myself I should just pretend not to see them. However I also thought how dreadful it would be pretending not to see each other week after week. So I turned around, smiled and tried hard to catch his eyes. I think I made it quite difficult not to be acknowledged. He broke into a broad smile whilst we exchanged greetings and brief casual talk.  There you go, from now on just a casual 'hi" will be sufficient when we do meet again. However because his smile was so broad I was again wondering on my way home whether I read him wrongly.

Very so often we try our best to avoid unpleasant experiences or deemed unpleasant experiences. In most cases the building up of negative thoughts, worries or dreadful anticipations are more difficult to bear than the actual experience itself. I recalled once I dreaded having to stand in for my boss to accompany some company directors to attend at meeting at a subsidiary in Seoul. I tried to find all kinds of excuses to avoid the trip. It turned out however to be an interesting trip and at dinner I learned quite a fair bit about the business world just listening to their conversation. Actually facing a difficult situation straight in the face also provides an opportunity for self awareness, correcting false beliefs and analyzing mistaken self concepts. This is on top of mastering a better understanding of the situation and the people involved as well. In addition facing up to an unpleasant experience also builds self confidence in that you know you will be able to live through the pain should another of such arises.

So being shown the cold shoulder is no big deal after all especially when you know a persistent smile can melt its coldness.