Child or Pet?

In today's Life Sumiko wrote an article about how pets can stand in for children to foster closer relationship between husband and wife. She described how she and her partner found joy relating little tricks and pranks that each of their pet dog was up to. In fact it is now common for young couples to substitute pets for children since pets provide just as much joy with less stress and commitment perhaps.

In Buddhist class the discussion was about the sufferings that attachment and the clinging on to things can bring about including relationships. I asked the teacher doesn't love equates attachment. Does it then mean to be less attached one must love less. This sparked off a spirited discussion including the animated opinion of one classmate whose pet dog has just passed away. The group consensus was if one loves unconditionally without expectations one will not suffer. So if you care for someone and does things to promote his or her happiness but were not appreciated and reciprocated, you will not feel hurt. A heavily pregnant woman once asked a religious teacher a question. She told the teacher she was about to give birth to a child whom the doctor prescribed would not live long after birth. She asked what she needed to do to support the child. The teacher told her she must first not resent the child for not fulfilling her expectations for it. The child was born with its own purpose and not according to her wishes and not to fulfill her expectations for it. The teacher then went on to discuss how very often we load onto our children expectations that serve to fulfill our need to feel that we have been good/successful parents and that it is worthwhile to have them.

Perhaps that is why some people find loving a pet less taxing than loving a child. A child comes with a string of associated expectations which arise from the feeling that it is an extension of oneself. Giving unconditional love to a pet comes easier. So if my cat Miao2 is getting fat and lethargic and watches with one eye half opened a lizard dashing across the floor, I just give her a nudge and reproached her idleness in jest.