The Obama Analogy

Apparently Obama has been an inspirational figure for many a Afro Americans and kids of minority races in the US. In him they see potentials in themselves which can be realised if they try hard enough.

Well, I use him too. An intelligent boy who is smart but behaves in a defiant manner, often poking fun at teachers and belittling classmates, is with me for counselling. He comes from a divorced single family and lives with his mum. At last week's session I wondered aloud to him whether his disrespect for others arose out of disdain and a feeling of being better than others. "How can I ever be better than others," he retorted. I asked why not. " I can never be better than others because I come from a imperfect family," he said. With that, I went along with the usual rhetoric about how a person is judged and respected by the person's behaviour and thoughts and not by the family background he comes from bla bla. Various examples were pulled out and Obama's complex family was of course inclusive. That seems to leave a bit of impression on him because he stayed still awhile and listened intently.

Upon reflection of the case, I sometimes wonder how long such practical intervention like Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (basically reframing), Choice therapy, Solution Focused therapy stays effective. Deep psychological imprints may not be so easily resolved especially when it relates to the subconscious mind. I reflect on what the boy said "I can never be better than others because I came from a imperfect family". Although the sentence can be easily disputed upon, this instinctive remark does have its roots. Freud believes that a child identifies himself with his parents. Identification is taking into your own personality characteristics of someone else, because doing so helps solve some emotional difficulty. For example, a child when left alone may try to become "mom" and "dad" in order to lessen his or her fears. It is usually believed that a child identifies most with the parent of the same sex. In the boy's case where the father is absent, he may over identify with his mum. The brute mannerism may then be a symptom of subsconscious "compensatory masculine acting-out" (applying Freud's theory). In this sense being imperfect may be a feeling originating from the child's subconsciousness.

For Freud, catharsis is through awareness of the subconscious, often from hours and hours of self expression which may not be too practical. With a child especially, Obama's "Yes, We Can" may sometimes seem a better choice.