Of standards & subculture

In today's papers, Minister of Muslim affairs- Yacoob, bemoans the high incidence of dysfunctional families amongst the Malay community. Often in these families there is a missing parent, either in jail or drug rehabilitation centre, or arising from single parenthood out of wedlock. Then there is the problem of teenage pregnancy, teenage parents and divorce. His concerns arose from recent reports of deaths of kids from broken homes. He seems at a loss and in despair and says the Malay community needs to be "worried" which he doesn't feel is happening.

He also cited the low passing rate amongst Malay students in Maths at PSLE and seems at a loss after having provided more tuition and handing out more workbook etc.

Commenting on teenage pregnancey, he said " My take is this group of people do not live by our standards. They have opted out and have their own cultural understanding, where staying together with a non-married partner is accepted...This is not Malay culture, this is a subculture."

This article made me recall a case I had with a Malay girl who played truant and smoked. The school referred the family and the girl for counselling at the Family Service Centre. This girl does not come from a broken family. The ibu (mother) is a gentle woman in her forties and ayah (father) is a hard working technician of some sort. In the first session with the whole family, ibu cried and cried. Ayah sighed and sighed. Ayah said all he wanted of her was to attend school, stayed out of trouble and that the parents were not expecting her to perform academically. The girl remained silent, seemingly indifferent.

At a subsequent sesssion with the girl alone, she sobbed and sobbed.She knew how much pain she was bringing her parents. However she detested school and shared that she just could not follow in class.

Mr Yaccob is right "This group of people do not live by our standards". What is our standards? Our standard is: you need to pass PSLE Maths, just to be on par with the co-hort? Otherwise you are lousy. Otherwise accept that you are an under achiever and be prepared to settle for a lower paid job in life. And as long we also have standards for material needs, we will have a group of disillusioned people (who perhaps have aptitude in other areas other than maths and science) who then opt for the "subculture".

I think of a loveable 9 year old Malay boy in my school whom I am counselling. The last session before school ended he told me jubilantly he made a vast improvement in Maths because he worked hard on it. He scored 37 compared to 18 previously. I clapped my hands in delight. He told me however he failed English because he spent all his time on Maths. I know it will be quite an uphill task for me to sustain his perseverance for academic performance. I hate the day when he too becomes disillusioned and join the "subculture". I need to continuously instil in him that there is hope yet, standards or not.