Free

I spent last weekend at Desaru. Whilst sitting at the beach I wrote:

"Desaru is probably the first holiday destination outside Singapore for my kids. Yes it definitely is for there is a photo of myself pregnant with my son and my chubby baby daughter playing (with plastic pail and spade) on the beach. Fast forward 20 years and I am now sitting alone on the same beach. Husband has brought his mum and sis for a fruit farm visit nearby.

I see some children positioning their back against the incoming waves. This was what we loved to do as a family too. I am sitting beneath a neatly knotted thatched umbrella whilst the strong winds try to topple the plastic bottle I placed over my book.I am sitting on higher grounds, almost like a mini cliff. It gives me a good view of the horizon although I keep wondering whether there is anyone on the beach just beneath me and what they are up to.

I also wonder what my daughter is doing now, thousands of miles away. It is past 3am her time. Though she should be sleeping I know most often than not she isn't because to sleep early "is a mark of weakness" in Columbia. There, people are supposed to stretch their experiences in every aspects and have no time to waste in slumber. My son did not want to join us because he was just liberated from NS and is languishing in "being human" again.

Hmm...I feel so good with the wind sending my short hair on flight. The sea suddenly takes on beautiful hues, multitude shades of green. A bright, sharp, bluer than blue streak spans the middle of the sky between the horizon and the roof of cotton wool.

I ask myself "Do I love it now more than 20 years ago?" But I do not feel like giving further thoughts to provide an answer. Suddenly, a big ship appears in the horizon. Strange, how come I didn't notice it earlier. The strong winds rock the wooden chair I am sitting on, nudging me for an answer.

"I am enjoying myself because I feel free of attachment. Trillions of beautiful moments have been lost due to over attachment." Yes, over attachment to your loved ones, your identity & hence your job, your possessions, your health, your everything." (end of journalling)

Just when I was about to go back to my hotel room, a string suddenly appeared swinging and swaying before my face. I got up from my seat, got hold of the string, manoeuvred it (alternating between pulling and letting go), and traced it to a kite caught in one of the trees behind the thatched umbrella. Like a kid I tried to retrieve the kite but it was too entangled amongst layers of thick leaves high up on the tree. After some time I let go of the string and in a moment it disappeared, the wind sending it whirling up to be near the kite.