whose needs is it anyway

I have a student client who is in primary 5 whose mother requested for counselling because he seems to be affected by his parents' divorce. Teacher also shared that his work had slackened and he was losing confidence.

We are now into our 6th session. In the earlier sessions we shared literature about the anxieties and emotions which children of divorced parents usually experience. He was quite engaged. Beyond that he remained silent most of the time and if you were lucky you got a nod in the head or a monosyllable answer to your questions. (Talk about using open ended question in counselling!haha).

As is suggested by child specialist I then used various media, including art, superclay and even music to try and get him to share. He is quite absorbed. His face lighted up when we played the tambourine together. We imitated each other's tapping rhythmn. However when I proceeded with making a sound together with the rhythmn, he refused to make the sound when it was his turn to lead. Other than media and some pyscho education I seem to be facing a brick wall.

When you counsel an adult you can ask the person what he hopes to get out of the session so that there is a focus. In exasperation, I asked the child a similar question only to receive a totally silent response. At the last session I told him quite frankly the intention of the sessions are to help him address whatever is bothering him but "I don't feel I have helped you" if he remains silent. My remarks again were met with a sad look and silence. I then told him he has a choice whether to continue, half expecting him to jump at the opportunity to stop. To my surprise he said he wants to come. He says he feels better after each session. OK fine I will have to be really creative.

I then emailed the teacher to get an update. To my surprise I received quite positive comments about him being more focused and school work improving etc. Hmmm if the sessions did provide some relief then what the specialists say do hold truth; that both art and music provide a means of communication without speaking. Echoing the child's tune or beat sets up a reciprocity, in the process reassuring them and cheering them up.

Reflecting this development and my own actions, I feel I may be imposing my need especially when I said to him "I don't feel I have helped you"So whose needs are we talking about, his or mine; and mine being the need to FEEL I have helped.