Life Images

Did some spring cleaning and came across my diary when I was 28. In it I found this passage: " There is forever one image in my life. I can see myself hands in pocket, collar over my neck, tracking the field of vastness, the swaying rushes enveloping me ".

Likewise quite a different scene has often flashed in my mind in RECENT years. In this image, a monk is sweeping the dried autumn leaves in the premise of a temple. Each sweep of the bamboo broom causes a little flurry which settles quickly in a heap of earthy leaves of various shades and crisp. The swish of the broom against the ground provides the monk the rhythm to engage with his work peacefully.

Do you have such images that flash in your mind like a scene from the movie? Hmm...I have (don't worry I am not hallucinating). I don't know how many change of scenes has occurred over these decades. Perhaps there may not have been any in between. See at 28, unattached and hence without a focus or distraction if you will, I was probably embroiled in existential quandary. Thus the feeling of stoic aloneness to brave a vast world of the unknown.

Fast forward, today's recurring image is probably a desire to reach contentment, a desired outcome from a long period of introspection. The stoic aloneness of the image of long ago is now replaced by the wish to acquire a quiet endurance and acceptance of whatever autumn may bring (even illness, loneliness, who knows?). Whilst both age face the unknown, the feelings are different. That perhaps is what they call "mellowing".