puppet unwired

I realise it is not easy for a puppet to move when finally released from strings and wires.
I read Ignatious Low's article over the weekend. He related how he had followed advice and took paths which offered most prospects (and which did) but finally switched career and found happiness in the thing he loves most, writing.

I am perhaps half a generation older than him and was brought up to be perhaps even more focused on the practical aspects of life. My parents, her parents and their parents struggled to stay alive in China. With these struggles values are imbued that passed down survial kits to future generations.Hence I was taught to study hard, work hard to earn a living, try hard to be a good daughter and mother all my life. I was so wired and conditioned that I did not spare time to reflect what "I" as an individual really want for "myself" and what would really make "me" happy.

I have now quit my job and am free to pursue what I really like to do. However , beware, that does not come easy as most people think, I mean knowing what you really like to do. Also beware, the guilt feeling of being an "idler" and "economically inactive" denizen may also plague you at times. This is more so with wise men in the government issuing constant warnings that you will surely die early if you retire and can't find anything worthwhile to do. Yes, I delight in doing stuff like story telling and I do find some purpose volunteering at schools. But the true passion is still undiscovered and I am not even sure whether I have any at all . Sigh, I feel that after all these years of not letting any real passion surface, it could have been lost forever. It takes much to rekindle the lost flames. (this was drafted earlier, new feelings below)

I met up with a long lost classmate yesterday. After varsity she became a PE teacher and after stints at a few schools, was posted to a prestigious school where she remained for several years. She quit late last year and after a break is taking up a PE teaching job in Msia. As you could have imagined, we had a lot to share. I remarked it must be a biological clock inside us that prompts us to do something different. But what she tells me gave me further insight. She commented how she hoped to go back to do the basics that she loved in teaching PE. She meant basics like bringing the student hiking, running and exploring nature etc. In her former top ranking school, she constantly had to think of new things to show that the school is always on the ball, always "one up", to impress parents and achieve certain KPIs (key performanc indicators).

Now it strikes me that my earlier lament about not finding real passion may not be so relevant after all. Passion or maybe let's call it by a lesser name, "things I like to do" may after all lie in the basics. So, it need not be such grandiose plans as writing a book, being a world relief social worker or opening a chocolate outlet (haha not for several lifetimes). It could just be activities that draw simple remarks, like from someone saying, "I feel better after talking to you" or a simple comment from your son "Mum, your cooking is not bad huh".