In praise of Blind Faith

3 members in our family invested in Hyflux perpectuals, my husband, my daughter (upon my bad advice) and myself. Though in the same family sharing information, misbeliefs and non 'information' we behave very differently when come to money investment.

Hyflux's CEO used to be the country's poster girl whom I admired partly because we share the same surname. From starting a company selling water filters and treatment chemicals she had grown Hyflux into an internationally branded water treatment company listed on Singapore Exchange and lauded by the government for building the nation's biggest combined desalination and power plant in 2013. The company had also expanded to build facilities in Oman and Saudi Arabia.

Temasek invested in the company in the early 2000's but exited in 2006. However most retail investors are not aware of the exit and went in by a leap of faith. Due to a combination of high leverage, crumbling electricity prices and contract cancellation cum delayed payments in Middle East, Hyflux is now on the brink of insolvency. This left investors bewildered as to how such a respectable company can fall so fast while white knights appear and disappear to save it.

As I was the one who recommended Hyflux perps to my daughter and knowing that she is highly risk adverse, I made her sell the securities when I read the first wave of caution by analysts. At such she suffered 3 % capital loss which was more than recovered from the dividends collected. Myself I hanged on for a while believing that the government would not let this Singapore brand come to ruins. Fortunately my treasury training taught me to cut loss and I sold two thirds of my Hyflux investment at 23% capital loss but held on to 10 lots still maintaining my faith in the country's poster girl. At the same time I advised my husband to do likewise with his 30 lots. I had to help him reason out that the dividend collected over the years would contra against the capital erosion such that the loss is less than 10% net. However my husband, being someone who can never bear losses, did not heed my advice. Now he sighs when reading about white knights that come and go.

In a surprising move, the latest potential white knight is considering some S$400m capital injection while offering a better deal for retail perpectual security investors, (better than what perp investors are legally entitled as they actually rank almost last next to shareholders). Apparently the white knight makes a special offer to these junior creditors instead of senior creditors because the former "took a passive blind faith risk" while the later "took an active business risk with ringside view".

When I read this I congratulated my husband because he stands a chance to recover his money due to his 'passive blind faith'. I too stand a chance to recover my balance money despite my  'passive blind faith' and unforgivable laziness because I am financially trained and had failed to be diligent enough to do my homework before investing.

The Encompassing Mountain

On the road up to Kundasang , Sabah where Mt Kinabalu situates we could only see cloud covered mountain ranges. Even at the resort which promised a good view of the mountain we could not figure where the peak was. Only at sunset could we catch glimpses of jagged crevices appearing here and there depending on how much the moving golden clouds wished to conceal or reveal.

The next dawn revealed the whole mountain in its monumental splendour. After quick snapshots to capture the enchanting scene, we settled down on the balcony with eyes fixed on the hue and shades of the mountains  transforming by the moment. At some angle the peak seems to wear the image of an ancient god with a crown. When the clouds weave in and out you imagine its spiritual power.

During the day we hired a car to bring us to a cattle farm. The place has a closer view of the peak and we spent some time staring at it while chatting with the driver.  It turned out that our driver assisted in the rescue operation of the 2015 accident caused by an earthquake which killed 6 children and 2 teachers from Tanjong Katong School. Though we could not fully understand all he was relating we could sense his emotion when he described the heart wrenching moments helping to ferry the dead bodies of the children.

That evening the mountain was again its majestic self . While taking in the magic of the mountain overlooking the surrounding villages my mind returned to the 2015 accident. A year after the quake 20 former Tanjong Katong School students, parents and relatives climbed Mt Kinabalu to pay tribute to those who lost their lives on 5 Jun 2015. I imagined when they fixed their eyes on the mountain which often looks so encompassing they may perhaps feel that their departed loved ones are with the Divine.

Admirable people

Turns out that my hairdresser stays in Potong Pasir, a single constituency under an  opposition party between 1984 to 2011.

Recently I happened to be walking around that area on a visit to an elders' day care centre run by a church. As I was early for my appointment I roamed around the vicinity. There is a lot of renovation and upgrading activities going on and you can tell that the sprucing up had started with the apartment blocks nearer the main road and central area and now progressing further into the fringe area.

I was astonished to see the state of some of the HDB blocks where the repair has yet to be carried out. With paints peeling off the walls and the staircase chipped and stained they looked totally run down and in disrepair, a far cry from the normally well maintained HDB flats in other neighbourhood.

In July 2012, shortly after the ruling party won the PP seat, News@Asiaone reported:

"Residents in Potong Pasir are finally getting the chance to upgrade their flats and surroundings, ending their 28-year wait.
Announcing the news on Thursday, its MP Sitoh Yih Pin said he received approval for upgrading from both the Ministry of National Development (MND) and the Housing Board (HDB) early this week". (All upgrading work used public tax money)

I recalled my hairdresser remarking that Potong Pasir is now very different from a few years ago, much more pleasant and livable. I joked she will no doubt vote for the ruling party this coming election. 当然 (of course) she said and added that the flats have appreciated in value, and then with a tinge of guilt justified that the residents have supported Chiam See Tong (ex-MP) all the way until his wife took over when he suffered from ill health.

As I sauntered among the blocks of flats which are yet to be upgraded and spruced up, I can not help but admire the selflessness of the residents who did not succumb to dirty politics for almost 3 decades, admirable people.

Surrogate Grandma

A few years back when Tan Chuan Jin was the minister for Social and Family Development the counselling centre I volunteered with had a dialogue with him. I participated in the dialogue and suggested that MSF tap the big pool of retirees to provide counselling services in the community after being trained. Obviously my suggestion was not noted.

In an article entitled "Life begins at 60" the writer described how the value of experience and wisdom in senior citizens was tapped by a psychiatrist in Zimbabwe. To provide counselling service in rural areas the doctor has to train villagers. It turned out that grandmothers proved to be the most effective. The study showed that patients who received 6 one-to-one therapy sessions from the trained grandmothers had a lower incidence of depression and anxiety after 6 months. The doctor ascribed the grandmothers' effectiveness to empathy, good listening skills and an ability to reflect.

It is often said that whatever techniques used by counsellors, their potential effectiveness is weak unless the counsellor is successful in building a strong therapeutic alliance with the client. Older people tend to be less judgmental, more authentic and having experienced much in their lives  display a more accepting attitude towards life's difficulties. They also know which are the effective and ineffective ways to cope with negative events.

Even if the ministry is apprehensive of Singapore grandmothers assuming a professional social work or counselling role, this rich pool of retirees can always be tapped as mentors, befrienders or if you will just being the missing "mother" or "grandmother" in the lives of many children from dysfunctional families.

Collective Fear

I always thought that my 'kiasu' (fearful of losing out) nature could have risen from adverse childhood experiences in KL, Malaysia. Constantly scoring close to bottom positions in the top class of a good primary school dented my self esteem. Coming from a poor family and surrounded by relatively rich classmates could have made me feel deprived. I hence concluded that these experiences created the constant need to "keep up" with others.

However an article I read entitled ' A Formula for Happiness' made me rethink my conclusion. The article described how Singapore kept sliding in the global ranking of countries' overall happiness over the years, dropping from 22 in 2016 to 34 in 2019 despite faring well in GDP, employment, life expectancy, education and absence of corruption. Meanwhile depression is on the rise among Singapore teenagers.

Experts opined that Singaporeans seem to have adopted the unhealthy narrative of "kiasuism", the need to have more and the fear of losing out. Moreover the education system drummed into students that academic excellence equates to career achievement and happiness. Furthermore the collectivist culture where the opinion of family and friends influence one's attitude and action, perpetuates comparison and competition.

I now have to further analyse whether I actually picked up this communal trait after I moved back to Singapore at 15. My earliest recall of being competitive wasn't really in secondary school or junior college nor working in a statutory board shortly after graduation. Life then was pretty mundane and I was grateful to secure a job which is described as an iron rice bowl. It was in the 70s and 80s and I guess people were generally just grateful with the improved housing, health care and living standards.

My first real taste of competition was to secure a place in a good school for my children in the 90s. Back then after the PSLE (Primary School Leaving examination) results were out, the newspaper would list the entry points required to get into every secondary school. Thus there was a mad competition to place your kids in a reputable primary school which  has a track record of churning out students with high PSLE scores. Even at primary school, the education system introduced another examination at primary 3 to siphon student into different types of upper primary classes. In summary the school system has always focused on ranking based on academic performance. That was the beginning of parents sending their children for tuition classes,a practice which not only persisted but intensified several fold. Even for ECA (Extra Curriculum Activities) in school, a student has to show some level of skills or aptitude before admission depriving many who have the interest but not the means to acquire the skills outside of school.

Another reason for this national 'kiasu' trait could be the inherent 'scarcity mentality' of baby boomers many of whom have experienced poverty in childhood. Baby boomers in general need to buy and hoard things/assets in case of calamity. This is reinforced by the government's persistent brainwashing message of how we need to strife due to a lack of natural resources. To spur citizens to be achievement oriented is necessary for economic growth. Thus the media is obsessed with ranking and winning, consistently splashing about Singapore topping this area and that in global ranking.

I recalled the comment of Tash Aw in an interview with Straits Times on why Singapore never produced an internationally acclaimed author like him. He said in Malaysia there is less expectation of success. "If you don't make it, you are basically measured to the mediocrity around you, so there is no pressure......I think most Malaysians in general enjoy the freedom to find their own level, their own space"


Well looks like the lasting adverse impact of my so called childhood 'strife' may have just been my imagination. It is more likely that I got myself caught up in the Singaporean collective fear of losing and country fervor to win and never to be left behind. Still it is no excuse to sit back and blame external factors for character weakness. If the country is slow in finding a wider range of narrative for happiness, I have to do so on a personal level even though I should have started long ago.

Temple Cat

I have a Siamese cat and to be sure she has a personality. If she is in good mood she will let out a cursory meow when I greet her in the morning. She seems to know cat lovers instinctively snuggling close to them when they visit or 'chats' with them when they engage her in conversation. This however is at her own call meaning she has to be the one to make the first move. When you pick her up by force she will struggle fiercely to break free.

Increasingly she seems also to understand a bit of what I am saying. For instance before I close the door when leaving home, I will ask her "Miao (that's her name), In or Out?". If she wants to laze in the garden she will come scampering through the door before I close it. Otherwise she will ignore me and expresses her wish to remain indoor by either resting on all fours or starting to preen herself. Sometimes instead of talking aloud to myself  I can go to my cat give her a gentle head to head hug and start talking while she listens staring at me with her intense blue eyes.

You may think I am too obsessed and going cranky about my pet, but I think she is not only human in some ways but also a bit spiritual. Every morning when others have left for work  and I am alone at home I will light an incense at the altar and say a quiet prayer. There is no fixed timing however as it depends on how much reading or other tasks I do for the morning. Quite frequently when I start to light the incense Miao Miao will walk in from the back garden and sit beside me making sure she spreads her tail neatly across my feet as if reminding me to remember her in my prayer. I am often puzzled how she knows when I am about to start. Perhaps animals have heightened sensitivity to energy fields and Miao probably picks up my energy for quiet prayer; although I am not sure whether she really wants to be included or just simply likes that quiet moment. (Freud's dog was famously known for snuggling close to his clients suffering from depression offering comfort).

However carrying on my craziness, I learnt from internet that Siamese cats were surrounded by history and legends as follow:

"It is believed the Siamese cat were owned by the  Royal Family of Siam, and used to guard the ancient temples. Only royalty or noblemen were allowed to own them, and their cats served as spirit guardians.
When someone important died, a cat from their household was chosen to receive and house their soul. This lucky cat spent the rest of its life in luxury, pampered and cared for by temple priests. The dead person’s family paid for the cat’s upkeep, as they believed this would bring their loved one good luck in the afterlife."

Hmmm... perhaps the spiritual energy is carried forward life after life in the Siamese cats. Regardless Miao Miao reminds me of another level of consciousness and that this physical world may not be as it seems.

A Slob in the Fitness Class

There a 2 types of people who dislike me, doctors and fitness instructors. Doctors think I ask too many 'smart alec' questions all conceived out of non truths from the web. Fitness instructors find me too slack and impossible to teach.

I now attend a fitness class which is a combo of cardio exercises and stretches. For the first half hour there is pumping exercises to make our heart works faster while the later half is the well longed stretching exercises mainly on the yoga mat. As the class caters to people above 50 years, the instructor, a fortyish guy with crew cut and a single ear ring, says we can do the cardio exercises at our own pace. However he is constantly watching like a hawk when you actually slows down, passing remarks like if his mum can do it he doesn't see why you can't. Hence I try to keep up as much as possible and slow down when his back is turned towards me.

I probably stand out as a sore thumb in his class of 10. Unlike others who are probably dressed for fitness class in their branded fanciful body hugging tops and tights I wear a pair of cotton pants and T shirt with sleeves. No worries, my shoes are branded sports shoes though. I had wanted to get a yoga mat from the sports shops but was aghast that it costs more than 30 bucks. I settled for one that costs $8.80 from CK departmental store. The mat shows embarrassing imprints when my body presses against it. As it is it weighs a ton I didn't like to sling it over my shoulder. Hence I put my yoga mat in a shopping trolley which is also useful for shopping after class. I guess my appearance alone makes my instructor feel unprofessional.

Once when he was fiddling with the blue tooth player complaining that the beat seemed too slow, I remarked it didn't really matter as we were supposed to follow at our own pace. He seemed a bit offended, sarcastically describing us as 小姐 although in his mind he is probably calling me 婆婆 . I can understand how my behaviour and that of some others undermines his sense of professionalism.  Like any good instructor he wants his participants to get the most out of the class and not just to go through the motion. At least the others are motivated enough to get some stylish outfit. I guess it helps when you see how good your body looks in the mirror. If dressing up at work helps to make one more successful, it should also work in the gym. It has been said " If you know you look great chances are you will act it out too".

While googling to see whether it is a myth that one must wear proper fitness attire I came across this website that lists things you should NOT wear for a workout. It includes:

- cotton shirt and pants because cotton absorbs sweat and you will soon be wearing a wet blanket which is conducive for fungal growth. Instead you should wear "sweat-wicking fabric"

-regular bra which may lead to upper back and shoulder pain after the workout (from excessive bouncing I suppose).

-supper baggy clothing because you don't want to hide your body as the trainer needs to assess whether you are stretching the right muscles and body parts (again I am not  really sure of my objectives)

Seems to me it is not all false advertisement to make us part with our money. Yes I think I better step up a bit. There's no place for a slob nor a 婆婆 in a fitness class.