No Off Day

So retirees (especially premature ones) are often asked "SO how do you spend your time?" and equally often they have to pause and truly wonder how each day passes them by.

If you are a retiree and being harassed again with this question, tell them to get the answer from the  Sunday Times. You see, in addition to the usual World, Home, Sports the Sunday Papers has the following sections :

Invest, Think, Live, Connect, Go, Reflect, Read, Relax, Taste


Some titles need no further explanation like Invest, Read, Relax, Taste which refer to discussion and news on investing money, best sellers, movies & entertainment and of course where to get good food. 'Go' is about travel. 'Live' and 'Connect' feature activities and way of life in families and communities and about social media. 'Reflect' and 'Think' carry editorial, opinion and reflections on social and political issues.

Now aren't these a summary of what retirees do, a bit of everything that is. So some days by the time you lay down your papers you cringe in horror that its almost the morning gone. Another day you decide that you have been a complete fool not to make your money work harder and spend the whole day reading commentaries and stock analysis in the mail. Yet some days you feel you should give more of your time to volunteer work. Then again planning a holiday, reading tripadvisor reviews  and surfing the net to make the most of your trip, though fun is most time consuming.
And since you have the time you read the Opinion pages more often and think you should give some issues more thought. Needless to say you are also more obsessed with your health and spend more on body massages, foot reflex and even taking in tips from TCMs in the Mind and Body pages. Also the urge to reconnect with long lost cousins and old school mates sometimes find you people-googling. All of these of course are on top of time which is expected of you to serve your family, running errands inclusive and accompanying your work-stressed spouse on a long drive to Johor to Eat. As such it is not exaggeration when retirees tell you they are more busy than when they were working. In fact we really need to do some prioritizing!

A cautious note however is to be wary of the occasional existential angst. People of all ages experience this "Is that all there is to life?" kind of feeling but retirees in the midst of a professional/career loss may have a heightened sensitivity to this. This may be reinforced when there is a sense of not being valued. When such mood takes over nothing in the above long list of activities may seem worth doing. At times like this, spiritual reflections will help.

"The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off."
-- Abe Lemons

Will away a Singer machine

2 articles in today's Sunday Times reminded me to stop procrastinating on a  task yet  unfinished. The first article is entitled "Why you should make a Will" and the other is the editorial "Memories Matter". The former jolted my intention to update my will and also helped me convince my husband to write one. The last will I made was some 20 years ago after the birth of my son. I was then in mortal fear that my young children will be deprived should my husband fall into the trance/spell of his wife when he remarries after my passing. So I made a will witnessed by my lawyer and his clerk. I put it in an envelope and left it in the custody of my mother. Years later when my mother was feeling ill she returned the will to me for safe keeping. On the envelop she had written 4 Chinese characters   长命百岁(longevity). That's her ingenuous way to void the superstitiously inauspicious act of writing a will. The law firm is no longer in operation now and I am not sure whether the witnesses (the lawyer and his clerk) are still around or surviving. Anyway changed circumstances do warrant the writing of a new will.

The second article, the editorial is more interesting. Apparently NLB is embarking on a Memory Project to collect and showcase memories of Singapore. The public is invited to submit personal memories like posters, toys, published materials etc. The editor quoted the words of a Czech writer, Milan Kundera: 'The first step in liquidating a people is to erase its memory" to stress the importance of memories to a nation. I thought hard for a moment whether I have such items. Well the oldest item at home is the manual Singer sewing machine with foot pedal which was passed down by my mum. The image of my mother pedaling the machine is amongst my earliest childhood memories. The machine also bore witness to my endless frustrations having to unpick and resew pieces of clothings to hand in at needlework class. Though it may be a piece of antique, it is not peculiar to Singapore and won't be what NLB is looking for. However it reminds me that it should deserve special mention in my will. I toyed the idea with my daughter, to bequeath it to the museum. She asked me to reconsider carefully because she would be in a fix if no museums want it. She does have a point because even though the grand old dame is more than 50 years old, there are many of such dames floating around. If memories around this machine is to be preserved, it should be within this family. However leaving behind an object without a written history is meaningless. It struck me that I have to write a short memoir about this machine, something like a description of its life since joining our family. If I make it into a nice little booklet to be found when one opens the drawer of the machine, it may motivate my daughter to keep it. The idea excites me and spins to bigger ambition like writing a personal memoir.

 Yea, a Will and a Memoir will be good!

Yin and Yang

Stumbled across an interesting discussion about Yin and Yang. Whilst Yang is described as a "force", Yin is like "persuasion".
Now pause a while and make a guess. If the letter "A" is Yang, what is Yin?

No clue? Here's a tip- Yang is open whilst Yin is hidden.

Well, if "A" is Yang, all the other 25 alphabets are Yin. Standing alone "A" has no meaning whatsoever. It has to be stringed with other alphabets to help form words, sentences, paragraphs and meaning. On its own it is powerless but together with Yin all possibilities are there, almost infinite.


When I read about the demise of Literature as a school subject in Singapore and all the comments and lamentations in the Forum pages, I can't help connecting it to the Yin and Yang concept. To me Maths, Sciences and Geography are Yang in essence whilst humanitarian subjects like Literature and History are more Yin like. Without an appreciation of literature, one is somewhat deficient, not being able to unfold the essence behind how people live, how people feel and why they behave the way they do. As per ST's editorial: "Literature may not train students for a specific job, but it rounds out their education.... It reflects, interprets and presents life artistically in quest of fundamental and universal truths".

Incidentally if you don't already know the reasons behind why only 3000 'O' Level students took literature last year (17,000 in 1992), it is because of the difficulty to score for this subject. This pathetic pragmatism is also evident during my discussion with the charitable organisation I have been vying to offer my service. Yes, it responded finally. Whilst recognising the critical need for emotional healing amongst its residents, the supervisor is striving to find  suitable time slots because the children are burdened with heavy school work, tuition and other programs.

Clearly more need to be done to make us see in perspective that "everything exists together in a delicate balance"

Bali- Gates of Eden

Now I have not quite finished with my mulling experienced in Bali. In an earlier blog I talked about the air in Ubud which almost puts one in a trance like state of inner reflections.

 From Ubud I moved on to Seminyak. One afternoon after a day of shopping we went for a body massage at a place near our hotel, a mid range outfit in a new low rise building. We were ushered upstairs to a couple room. The decor was spartan but clinically clean, not an ambiance that stirs dreams or imaginations. After undressing and lying flat on the bed looking downward through the face hole, I could not see the face of the 2 masseuse that entered the room. I directed my masseuse in my limited Malay to focus on the aching parts on the back. She was surprised I knew a bit of Malay and thought I was from Malaysia. I then fell into a half slumber trance as my body relaxed into deeper and deeper relief. Slowly thoughts and images faded. Half way through a peculiar thought abruptly crept into my mind. Suddenly I formed an opinion that a perfect woman is one who provides solace to her husband and children. The best wife and mother in the world, I thought to myself, is one who is able to constantly comfort and soothe the pain of her husband and children.
Without judgement (as I was in a state of stupor) I reckoned I was far from one and lazily wonderred whether my mother in law is at least closer to being one.

Finally the massage was over and I climbed out of the bed as the masseuses prepared to leave. Without my spectacless on I could only catch a vague glimpse of my masseuse.It was only when I was dressed and about to tip her that I realised she was advancedly pregnant. I immediately felt a bit guilty that she had to exert strength to soothe my aches.

Only when I was back in the hotel that I began to wonder whether there was some form of psychic connection and transmission of feelings going on. I have a feeling she will make a very good mother.

On the flight home from Bali I chanced upon these words when reading Pico Iyer's "Sun after Dark".

"Bali is a magical world for those who can see its invisible forces and read all the unseen currents in the air.... Yet for everyone else, it is simple enchantment. We stand at the gates of Eden, looking in, and choose to forget that one central inhabitant of the Garden is a snake".

Hmm.. ..

Where is help needed?

Now that I quit school counselling I look to do pro bono counselling for children. So I started to research on welfare organisations that may require my service. As I intend to use sandplay therapy extensively, I also assess the organisations based on my perception of their readiness to embrace expressive therapy. I came up with a short priority list and decided to approach the first 2.  After my encounter with them I have this impression that the disadvantaged are often trapped in a cycle of their disadvantages.

In order that my readers do not form subjective opinion based on my experience, I shall omit the details of my encounter and will just call these 2 organisations Org A and Org B. I emailed both at around the same time attaching my resume. Both websites have welcomed volunteers and provide email addresses for those interested. Org A is top on my priority list because I feel the children there need my service more. I approached Org B because its management seems very open and forward looking.

Org A failed to respond. This despite my putting 'Volunteer Counsellor' as the subject matter of the email. After one week and fearing my email went to their junk mail, I called to enquire. I was told that due to limited resources they usually take 2 to 3 weeks to respond to such enquiries.They could at least build an auto acknowledgement reply.

Org B on the other hand responded in less than 24 hours. My email was routed to the head of the org who invited me for lunch. She was excited about sandplay therapy and immediately made an appointment for me to meet the person in charge. Without revealing too much details I just want to say that after my second visit and after a lengthy discussion with the ground staff, I conclude that this org does not rank high in my priority list based on needs. The children there received loads of attention and care from volunteers in various fields.

Meanwhile I have not given up on Org A; I am waiting patiently to talk to the person in charge when she comes back from her long leave. Who knows? Those who are slow to get help may need the most help.

Human Capital

Todays BT carried an interesting article about "yourself" being the most important asset or human capital. Very often when we manage our financial portfolio we forget to include ourselves. Basically the type of career one is in determines the nature of future cash flows or earning stream, its certainty, consistency, growth potential etc. Thus we need to factor this into the overall financial management. In truth we have a bit more control of our human capital than stocks, commodities or real estates which are subject to market forces.

If I were to describe my previous job at the TLC which I worked in, I would have described myself as a bond, quite close to a Treasury. It gives steady coupon payment although the potential for growth is nothing much to shout about. It should have matured only upon me reaching the official retirement age (even as the tenure keeps lengthening). The chance for the issuer to call back is very very remote, even if I boo boo on my job. Given this risk free nature of my asset or human capital, I could  have taken much more risk in my other financial investments during my younger years.

The article went on to say "Your personal capital reserve and future earnings should drive your ability to make a change and not your portfolio return". I am trying to understand the context in which this statement is made. Personal capital reserve refers to your savings or inheritances etc. To determine your future earnings, the article says you have to be cognitive of your core strengths and competencies etc and ask relevant questions like 'What allows you to engage your human capital at the highest level?", "Where were you at your best?", "What was energising?" I think the writer is referring to mid career people who want a change, hence the need to explore one's true competency to maximise the return on one's human capital.

For the retirees however, other than reserves portfolio returns are major considerations which help determine how soon they can quit their job. Of the 3 questions, the more pertinent question may be "What was energising?" in order to identify the passion to enrich the last phase of life. So if you ask me what energises me most, I will tell you it is when I tell stories at the library, when I imitate the evil snigger of a wicked witch or the sob of a child lost in the woods; and when I spice my stories with jokes and humour. Returns on such competencies come in the form of chuckles at my own silly jokes or a remark from a grateful parent that her child looks forward to Friday because of storytelling. Haha how do I describe my human capital now?  Maybe it is like this S share that I still possess.  "China Milk" is suspended. The only return I ever get from this stock is a ridiculously colourful Annual Report that is shaped like a cow! It is so pretty and I still have it.

Turn off the Projector-Valentine's Day

Listened to a podcast talk about love quite coincidentally on Valentine's Day. Susan Piver describes a  common behaviour amongst couples is to project an expected image onto the partner. There is also the underlying expectation that one's partner is supposed to make oneself happy. Thus if one believes that certain material and psychological needs have to be met in order to be happy, the partner is often expected to provide them. When unfulfilled the partner gets the blame for one's unhappiness.

So for instance if  you look to your spouse to make you feel safe or complete you are setting yourself up for trouble. As long as this emotional need remains unabated you will feel that your partner has fallen short as a spouse. On a lighter note if you find your life boring and expects your spouse to make your life exciting you are also in for frustration as long as you fail to spice up your own life independently.

I am also now  wondering whether the higher tendency for wives to nag their husbands than vice-verse indicate that women  are more prone to project an expected image onto their spouse. Susan Piver thinks that it is a blessing to be loved by someone who has turned the projector off and sees you  with sharp precision as you are.

I think between my husband and me I am the one who has to turn the projector off because his projector is quite dim and not as glaring as mine. For that I am appreciative.