Listened to a podcast talk about love quite coincidentally on Valentine's Day. Susan Piver describes a common behaviour amongst couples is to project an expected image onto the partner. There is also the underlying expectation that one's partner is supposed to make oneself happy. Thus if one believes that certain material and psychological needs have to be met in order to be happy, the partner is often expected to provide them. When unfulfilled the partner gets the blame for one's unhappiness.
So for instance if you look to your spouse to make you feel safe or complete you are setting yourself up for trouble. As long as this emotional need remains unabated you will feel that your partner has fallen short as a spouse. On a lighter note if you find your life boring and expects your spouse to make your life exciting you are also in for frustration as long as you fail to spice up your own life independently.
I am also now wondering whether the higher tendency for wives to nag their husbands than vice-verse indicate that women are more prone to project an expected image onto their spouse. Susan Piver thinks that it is a blessing to be loved by someone who has turned the projector off and sees you with sharp precision as you are.
I think between my husband and me I am the one who has to turn the projector off because his projector is quite dim and not as glaring as mine. For that I am appreciative.
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