I thank the person who gave the encouraging comment on my previous blog. Really there is a bit of everything in us, vanity inclusive. I believe even as there is a desire to help others (whether it is partially for self gratification), there is also the proud and egoistic self, all in varying intensities in all of us.
I think of every individual as a colourful being, a ball of blended shades. If say purple represents vanity then there is a deep purple in someone with a strong desire for glamour. The purple will just be one of many colours which constantly change in a continum . So if you will, there may be a stronger shade of pink today which may represent love and a paler shade of green, for being less envious of others; or for that matter a darker black the next day when you feel like murdering the boss.
In certain stages of our lives, we are more conscious of the colours in us and may wish to moderate the darker shades and invite into us certain colours which never have a chance to emerge.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Glamour/ Class
When I first started work almost 30 years ago, I was an accountant with a small but fast growing trading/manufacturing company run by a family of brothers (all professionals who left their jobs to help their eldest brother run the company). Eventually I left the company and moved on to a statutory board to learn a more structured system of doing things. My ex-bosses however requested that I helped them keep account of their personal investments. So for a few months, every alternate Saturday I made my way to their huge bungalow at Katong to help them keep track of their investments. I would have lunch cooked by their mother. The brothers adored and respected their mother because she toiled to bring them up under very difficult financial circumstances. After what seemed like an effortless task, she would sit at the marble table in the big kitchen,fanning herself whilst the maids did the cleaning up. She was the kind of old lady whose calm countenance and unruffled temperament must have given her children much strength in their growing up years. Her food was honestly very delicious and it did not need much pretense on my part to compliment her cooking. This image of her somehow etched in my memory.
This image could have given rise to some wild dreams (those which you sometimes indulge like jetting around the world in a private jet kind). I told my children how good it would be if one day they become CEO or something and have a open house. (Must really be as senior as CEO to ensure people bother to curry favour.) I would then whip up some dish and urge their subordinates to eat, saying it is cooked by me. I would then relish the compliments, lies and superfluous praises endowed on me. I would stay to banter and see them struggle with small talks with me, (hahaha, funny and half-sadistic dream).But alas my children will never be CEOs. They are more likely to be poor writers of unknown journals or some eccentric academics pondering about where the world is going.
Anyhow this is part of what glamour and 'class' is all about, and I am not surprised most people have some desires to be glamorous or classy albeit ranging from slight to raging. It can be achieved in various forms. So it was when Wendy Murdoch gave a twirl on the red carpet to show off her beautiful outfit for the paparazzi at a gala event (whilst Rupert Murdoch stood to one side giving his young Chinese wife the amused look). It is also the kind of feeling when people give you the second look, even though really it is at your wrist with the expensive watch or the branded bag on your shoulder or even your dainty pedicured toes on Jimmy Choo slippers (sorry don't know which watch and bag is most expensive!). It is also the SIA girls mollycoddling to ensure your comfort in business class (incidentally my daughter just swore she won't travel by SIA anymore because of the marked disparity in service for locals and foreigners even for economy seats). It is when you are a VIP at a business function and your host and his minions throng around to welcome you or when you are made to believe you are special by the private bankers (or deceived to feel special by priority banking executives). The list is endless varying for different age group and different social hierarchies.
Hmmm...as for me, being the Scrooge that I am and aiming for a career that only gives intangible rewards at most, I must think of some other means to get the glamour kick that I may need occasionally.
This image could have given rise to some wild dreams (those which you sometimes indulge like jetting around the world in a private jet kind). I told my children how good it would be if one day they become CEO or something and have a open house. (Must really be as senior as CEO to ensure people bother to curry favour.) I would then whip up some dish and urge their subordinates to eat, saying it is cooked by me. I would then relish the compliments, lies and superfluous praises endowed on me. I would stay to banter and see them struggle with small talks with me, (hahaha, funny and half-sadistic dream).But alas my children will never be CEOs. They are more likely to be poor writers of unknown journals or some eccentric academics pondering about where the world is going.
Anyhow this is part of what glamour and 'class' is all about, and I am not surprised most people have some desires to be glamorous or classy albeit ranging from slight to raging. It can be achieved in various forms. So it was when Wendy Murdoch gave a twirl on the red carpet to show off her beautiful outfit for the paparazzi at a gala event (whilst Rupert Murdoch stood to one side giving his young Chinese wife the amused look). It is also the kind of feeling when people give you the second look, even though really it is at your wrist with the expensive watch or the branded bag on your shoulder or even your dainty pedicured toes on Jimmy Choo slippers (sorry don't know which watch and bag is most expensive!). It is also the SIA girls mollycoddling to ensure your comfort in business class (incidentally my daughter just swore she won't travel by SIA anymore because of the marked disparity in service for locals and foreigners even for economy seats). It is when you are a VIP at a business function and your host and his minions throng around to welcome you or when you are made to believe you are special by the private bankers (or deceived to feel special by priority banking executives). The list is endless varying for different age group and different social hierarchies.
Hmmm...as for me, being the Scrooge that I am and aiming for a career that only gives intangible rewards at most, I must think of some other means to get the glamour kick that I may need occasionally.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
My progress or the lack of it (counseling)
Was quite busy with video recording counseling sessions as an assignment together with other written assignments to be handed up. I had my first supervision a week ago. Supervision refers to an apprentice getting feedback from a qualified and experienced counselor whilst you are counseling a helpee.
My supervisor complimented me for having what they term as a "hypnotic counselor voice", i.e. a soothing comforting voice which kind of hypnotize client to share and pour their hearts out.However my biggest drawback for that session was my eagerness to get the client to achieve something out of the session, i.e."pushing the client towards a goal". Supervisor commented that if the client wants to explore their feelings even for 10 sessions we have to pace the client. Only when the client is ready to change can we explore change together.
After the session, I joked with my classmates that with my "hypnotic" counselor voice, I can probably make money out of rich people like "tai tais" for instance who just feel good talking, rambling and venting, without wanting to change (eg. they don't really want to walk out of their wealthy husbands do they, hahaha).To assuage my guilt I will then apportion the other half of my time volunteering.
Today's papers about the mother who killed her 13 year old teenage son strikes me again that so many people really need help. Gosh, the boy could well be just one of the students whom I talk to. (I am a volunteer assistant school counselor). It is just so tragic, and the boy was known to be quite "bubbly" which means he and his mother probably aren't even candidates for counseling. The prevalent focus on economic well being has overshadowed people's emotional needs. So little resources is channeled towards netizen's emotional health; assuming the family support system will take care of it. I suggested once to the father of one of my students that there was little supervision at home. He then embarked on his long lament "You know how difficult it is to earn a living in Spore, when can I find time to monitor him ( I found out they stay in a condo ) . Anyway he has a long list of requests of the school including making his son stay back in school the whole day under supervision. Is this a question of shirking responsibility as a parent or is it a real life struggle between basic and 'secondary' needs, I don't know. ( Here I really mean I do not know and is not being sarcastic. I am still wondering.)
Then there is this self proclaimed rebellious girl whom I have a growing fondness. Into our second session I revealed to her a bit about myself which counselors should actually refrain from doing. She chatted passionately about what she likes and what she hates but didn't really disclose much about her family. She said she was offered tuition by her teacher and church friend which she flatly refused because she doesn't care about passing her exams. Phew! Asking her the reasons why she felt that way really put her off. At a loss myself , I sighed and exclaimed more to myself than to her (another no no ) "How come you always say I don't really care?" I didn't expect an answer really. After a long pause.... "You know why," she said " Because if the person who gave birth to you doesn't care about you, why should you care".
My supervisor complimented me for having what they term as a "hypnotic counselor voice", i.e. a soothing comforting voice which kind of hypnotize client to share and pour their hearts out.However my biggest drawback for that session was my eagerness to get the client to achieve something out of the session, i.e."pushing the client towards a goal". Supervisor commented that if the client wants to explore their feelings even for 10 sessions we have to pace the client. Only when the client is ready to change can we explore change together.
After the session, I joked with my classmates that with my "hypnotic" counselor voice, I can probably make money out of rich people like "tai tais" for instance who just feel good talking, rambling and venting, without wanting to change (eg. they don't really want to walk out of their wealthy husbands do they, hahaha).To assuage my guilt I will then apportion the other half of my time volunteering.
Today's papers about the mother who killed her 13 year old teenage son strikes me again that so many people really need help. Gosh, the boy could well be just one of the students whom I talk to. (I am a volunteer assistant school counselor). It is just so tragic, and the boy was known to be quite "bubbly" which means he and his mother probably aren't even candidates for counseling. The prevalent focus on economic well being has overshadowed people's emotional needs. So little resources is channeled towards netizen's emotional health; assuming the family support system will take care of it. I suggested once to the father of one of my students that there was little supervision at home. He then embarked on his long lament "You know how difficult it is to earn a living in Spore, when can I find time to monitor him ( I found out they stay in a condo ) . Anyway he has a long list of requests of the school including making his son stay back in school the whole day under supervision. Is this a question of shirking responsibility as a parent or is it a real life struggle between basic and 'secondary' needs, I don't know. ( Here I really mean I do not know and is not being sarcastic. I am still wondering.)
Then there is this self proclaimed rebellious girl whom I have a growing fondness. Into our second session I revealed to her a bit about myself which counselors should actually refrain from doing. She chatted passionately about what she likes and what she hates but didn't really disclose much about her family. She said she was offered tuition by her teacher and church friend which she flatly refused because she doesn't care about passing her exams. Phew! Asking her the reasons why she felt that way really put her off. At a loss myself , I sighed and exclaimed more to myself than to her (another no no ) "How come you always say I don't really care?" I didn't expect an answer really. After a long pause.... "You know why," she said " Because if the person who gave birth to you doesn't care about you, why should you care".
Sunday, April 27, 2008
mo qi (husband & wife)
Now my master of the Chinese language is probably less than that of a primary 3 student . However I believe I am using the right words to describe what I witness this morning between a couple in my taiji class.
The man is about mid to late forties and the wife early forties perhaps. They are my classmates in taiji class. I have often observed that even as they sauntered into class they will be chatting and will exchange the "you know what I mean" glances before they take their respective position in class.
Today they were rather late. The husband immediately followed our movements after taking his position. The wife carried out her own warming up exercises instead even though she stood in line, ignoring what the class was doing. When their eyes met both faces broke out into smiles, one of gentle rebuke and another that of a girlish rebel.
A thought suddenly came to my mind "This is a very very lucky and blessed couple". Looks like they are still able to maintain the humour in their relationship. I think if you have a spouse whom you really enjoy being with for many years into your old age, you are just so blessed. When the children are big and the empty nest syndrome surfaces, it is often a very exacting transition for a couple. This is the time when the common topic "children" is no longer available. The couple is left to talk about their own individual focus which they now discover is so different. However they can of course learn to give and take and make things work. They can make an effort to ignore their differences and consciously look out for activities they both enjoyed. They can then spend some time doing these activities together whilst giving space to each other. But what I am saying it is so good if the "mo qi" comes naturally. Dictionary explains "mo qi" as "tacitly in agreement" (haha that is the best dictionary I have at home)
PS. please correct me if i used the words wrongly
The man is about mid to late forties and the wife early forties perhaps. They are my classmates in taiji class. I have often observed that even as they sauntered into class they will be chatting and will exchange the "you know what I mean" glances before they take their respective position in class.
Today they were rather late. The husband immediately followed our movements after taking his position. The wife carried out her own warming up exercises instead even though she stood in line, ignoring what the class was doing. When their eyes met both faces broke out into smiles, one of gentle rebuke and another that of a girlish rebel.
A thought suddenly came to my mind "This is a very very lucky and blessed couple". Looks like they are still able to maintain the humour in their relationship. I think if you have a spouse whom you really enjoy being with for many years into your old age, you are just so blessed. When the children are big and the empty nest syndrome surfaces, it is often a very exacting transition for a couple. This is the time when the common topic "children" is no longer available. The couple is left to talk about their own individual focus which they now discover is so different. However they can of course learn to give and take and make things work. They can make an effort to ignore their differences and consciously look out for activities they both enjoyed. They can then spend some time doing these activities together whilst giving space to each other. But what I am saying it is so good if the "mo qi" comes naturally. Dictionary explains "mo qi" as "tacitly in agreement" (haha that is the best dictionary I have at home)
PS. please correct me if i used the words wrongly
Monday, April 14, 2008
puppet unwired
I realise it is not easy for a puppet to move when finally released from strings and wires.
I read Ignatious Low's article over the weekend. He related how he had followed advice and took paths which offered most prospects (and which did) but finally switched career and found happiness in the thing he loves most, writing.
I am perhaps half a generation older than him and was brought up to be perhaps even more focused on the practical aspects of life. My parents, her parents and their parents struggled to stay alive in China. With these struggles values are imbued that passed down survial kits to future generations.Hence I was taught to study hard, work hard to earn a living, try hard to be a good daughter and mother all my life. I was so wired and conditioned that I did not spare time to reflect what "I" as an individual really want for "myself" and what would really make "me" happy.
I have now quit my job and am free to pursue what I really like to do. However , beware, that does not come easy as most people think, I mean knowing what you really like to do. Also beware, the guilt feeling of being an "idler" and "economically inactive" denizen may also plague you at times. This is more so with wise men in the government issuing constant warnings that you will surely die early if you retire and can't find anything worthwhile to do. Yes, I delight in doing stuff like story telling and I do find some purpose volunteering at schools. But the true passion is still undiscovered and I am not even sure whether I have any at all . Sigh, I feel that after all these years of not letting any real passion surface, it could have been lost forever. It takes much to rekindle the lost flames. (this was drafted earlier, new feelings below)
I met up with a long lost classmate yesterday. After varsity she became a PE teacher and after stints at a few schools, was posted to a prestigious school where she remained for several years. She quit late last year and after a break is taking up a PE teaching job in Msia. As you could have imagined, we had a lot to share. I remarked it must be a biological clock inside us that prompts us to do something different. But what she tells me gave me further insight. She commented how she hoped to go back to do the basics that she loved in teaching PE. She meant basics like bringing the student hiking, running and exploring nature etc. In her former top ranking school, she constantly had to think of new things to show that the school is always on the ball, always "one up", to impress parents and achieve certain KPIs (key performanc indicators).
Now it strikes me that my earlier lament about not finding real passion may not be so relevant after all. Passion or maybe let's call it by a lesser name, "things I like to do" may after all lie in the basics. So, it need not be such grandiose plans as writing a book, being a world relief social worker or opening a chocolate outlet (haha not for several lifetimes). It could just be activities that draw simple remarks, like from someone saying, "I feel better after talking to you" or a simple comment from your son "Mum, your cooking is not bad huh".
I read Ignatious Low's article over the weekend. He related how he had followed advice and took paths which offered most prospects (and which did) but finally switched career and found happiness in the thing he loves most, writing.
I am perhaps half a generation older than him and was brought up to be perhaps even more focused on the practical aspects of life. My parents, her parents and their parents struggled to stay alive in China. With these struggles values are imbued that passed down survial kits to future generations.Hence I was taught to study hard, work hard to earn a living, try hard to be a good daughter and mother all my life. I was so wired and conditioned that I did not spare time to reflect what "I" as an individual really want for "myself" and what would really make "me" happy.
I have now quit my job and am free to pursue what I really like to do. However , beware, that does not come easy as most people think, I mean knowing what you really like to do. Also beware, the guilt feeling of being an "idler" and "economically inactive" denizen may also plague you at times. This is more so with wise men in the government issuing constant warnings that you will surely die early if you retire and can't find anything worthwhile to do. Yes, I delight in doing stuff like story telling and I do find some purpose volunteering at schools. But the true passion is still undiscovered and I am not even sure whether I have any at all . Sigh, I feel that after all these years of not letting any real passion surface, it could have been lost forever. It takes much to rekindle the lost flames. (this was drafted earlier, new feelings below)
I met up with a long lost classmate yesterday. After varsity she became a PE teacher and after stints at a few schools, was posted to a prestigious school where she remained for several years. She quit late last year and after a break is taking up a PE teaching job in Msia. As you could have imagined, we had a lot to share. I remarked it must be a biological clock inside us that prompts us to do something different. But what she tells me gave me further insight. She commented how she hoped to go back to do the basics that she loved in teaching PE. She meant basics like bringing the student hiking, running and exploring nature etc. In her former top ranking school, she constantly had to think of new things to show that the school is always on the ball, always "one up", to impress parents and achieve certain KPIs (key performanc indicators).
Now it strikes me that my earlier lament about not finding real passion may not be so relevant after all. Passion or maybe let's call it by a lesser name, "things I like to do" may after all lie in the basics. So, it need not be such grandiose plans as writing a book, being a world relief social worker or opening a chocolate outlet (haha not for several lifetimes). It could just be activities that draw simple remarks, like from someone saying, "I feel better after talking to you" or a simple comment from your son "Mum, your cooking is not bad huh".
Sunday, March 30, 2008
They dare to be different- but I am apprehensive
One Big Irony. On the one hand I am having difficulty getting my clients at school to be interested in some school subjects or something other than computer games or TV etc; whilst on the other hand back home my son tells me he prefers philosophy to business in uni because he has passion for it. "Philosophy?? What will you be upon graduation???"
Both my children want to pursue their interest. So instead of the well trodden, well provened paths of doing say business, accountancy, engingeering in the local uni (which will write you a lifetime paycheck in Spore) they prefer liberal arts in US and UK, albeit renowned overseas. The money saved pursuing the well acknowledged local degrees could help pay for their first HDB flat giving them a good start by material standards.
Here I am writing whilst thinking. Why do I let them (or should I for the one intending to go) when I am apprehensive of their job prospects? You see I love to watch a lot of chinese historical epics. I am so impressed by how much emphasis and importance the emperors and officials placed in getting the best teachers for their children and how much the scholars revered their teachers. I, rightly or wrongly am influenced by this romantic notion of "learning" beyond just acquiring a vocational skill. I honestly feel it is money better spent than "already owning a fully paid HDB flat". I do not find many parents in Spore who agree with me. Hence I have to consistently convince myself my children will be better off; though not materially, will look back one day when they are old and be thankful for the experience and the learning that has enriched their lives. I hope they will not look back and say " Heck, should have used the money for a HDB flat instead " I hope the joy of learning and broadening their minds would be priceless and will launch them into some deeper appreciation of life.
Both my children want to pursue their interest. So instead of the well trodden, well provened paths of doing say business, accountancy, engingeering in the local uni (which will write you a lifetime paycheck in Spore) they prefer liberal arts in US and UK, albeit renowned overseas. The money saved pursuing the well acknowledged local degrees could help pay for their first HDB flat giving them a good start by material standards.
Here I am writing whilst thinking. Why do I let them (or should I for the one intending to go) when I am apprehensive of their job prospects? You see I love to watch a lot of chinese historical epics. I am so impressed by how much emphasis and importance the emperors and officials placed in getting the best teachers for their children and how much the scholars revered their teachers. I, rightly or wrongly am influenced by this romantic notion of "learning" beyond just acquiring a vocational skill. I honestly feel it is money better spent than "already owning a fully paid HDB flat". I do not find many parents in Spore who agree with me. Hence I have to consistently convince myself my children will be better off; though not materially, will look back one day when they are old and be thankful for the experience and the learning that has enriched their lives. I hope they will not look back and say " Heck, should have used the money for a HDB flat instead " I hope the joy of learning and broadening their minds would be priceless and will launch them into some deeper appreciation of life.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
WALL STREET BOSSES DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING
Good article by Michael Lewis (BT 27 Mar)- my summary
Bear Sterns was closely scrutinised as a public corp by shrewd analysts and at least one billionaire investor who has the means and power to know (he was long Bears at US$107 per share).
On Mar 11 an analyst has listed the stock as a "buy" at US$62. On CNBC he advised "Bear Sterns is fine! Do not take your money out of Bear".Over the following weekend when the market was closed JP Morgan was negotiating to buy at US$2 (Now they are talking about US$10).
Not that the bosses didn't care when their firms are about to collapse, they "DIDN'T KNOW". These Wall Street bosses don't fully unerstand what their traders are doing. Here I must say I empathise with them. When I was a corporate treasurer I was shown lots of derivative structures by bankers. When the explanations failed to enlighten me despite several attempts, these fellas would give you that look which tells their patience is being tested; whilst you wonder whether they think you are so dumb.Of course when a CEO demands a clear explanation of what the traders are doing, he will get a full explanation as long as he cares to have it, without any fear of being branded dumb by his subordinates. Or is that really so? Sometimes I wonder about CEO and bosses whether they fear that their subordinates think they are "actually quite blur" if they ask for too much clarification. Hmm...maybe they do. That may explain (from my past experience) why I got fewer questions when the subject got more technical and in depth whilst easier lay-man topics got hell a lot of queries.
Anyway back to Wall Street bosses, apparently Charles Prince is not fully aware of the impact of Citibank's exposure to "liquidity puts" (research yourself if you really want to understand). Apparently Rubin the guy who took over said he never heard of "liquidity puts". Actually come to think of it, those fellas who came and market these products didnt really understand themselves, huh.
Anyway the article concluded that the CEOs are neither lazy or stupid, they are just trapped because if they interfered with the latest thingy dreamed out by the bright young things which are making huge sums of money, they may lose them to other big firms. "He's a hostage of his cleverest employees".
My further comment is - stupid or not the CEOs have made enough for themselves.
Bear Sterns was closely scrutinised as a public corp by shrewd analysts and at least one billionaire investor who has the means and power to know (he was long Bears at US$107 per share).
On Mar 11 an analyst has listed the stock as a "buy" at US$62. On CNBC he advised "Bear Sterns is fine! Do not take your money out of Bear".Over the following weekend when the market was closed JP Morgan was negotiating to buy at US$2 (Now they are talking about US$10).
Not that the bosses didn't care when their firms are about to collapse, they "DIDN'T KNOW". These Wall Street bosses don't fully unerstand what their traders are doing. Here I must say I empathise with them. When I was a corporate treasurer I was shown lots of derivative structures by bankers. When the explanations failed to enlighten me despite several attempts, these fellas would give you that look which tells their patience is being tested; whilst you wonder whether they think you are so dumb.Of course when a CEO demands a clear explanation of what the traders are doing, he will get a full explanation as long as he cares to have it, without any fear of being branded dumb by his subordinates. Or is that really so? Sometimes I wonder about CEO and bosses whether they fear that their subordinates think they are "actually quite blur" if they ask for too much clarification. Hmm...maybe they do. That may explain (from my past experience) why I got fewer questions when the subject got more technical and in depth whilst easier lay-man topics got hell a lot of queries.
Anyway back to Wall Street bosses, apparently Charles Prince is not fully aware of the impact of Citibank's exposure to "liquidity puts" (research yourself if you really want to understand). Apparently Rubin the guy who took over said he never heard of "liquidity puts". Actually come to think of it, those fellas who came and market these products didnt really understand themselves, huh.
Anyway the article concluded that the CEOs are neither lazy or stupid, they are just trapped because if they interfered with the latest thingy dreamed out by the bright young things which are making huge sums of money, they may lose them to other big firms. "He's a hostage of his cleverest employees".
My further comment is - stupid or not the CEOs have made enough for themselves.
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