Now my master of the Chinese language is probably less than that of a primary 3 student . However I believe I am using the right words to describe what I witness this morning between a couple in my taiji class.
The man is about mid to late forties and the wife early forties perhaps. They are my classmates in taiji class. I have often observed that even as they sauntered into class they will be chatting and will exchange the "you know what I mean" glances before they take their respective position in class.
Today they were rather late. The husband immediately followed our movements after taking his position. The wife carried out her own warming up exercises instead even though she stood in line, ignoring what the class was doing. When their eyes met both faces broke out into smiles, one of gentle rebuke and another that of a girlish rebel.
A thought suddenly came to my mind "This is a very very lucky and blessed couple". Looks like they are still able to maintain the humour in their relationship. I think if you have a spouse whom you really enjoy being with for many years into your old age, you are just so blessed. When the children are big and the empty nest syndrome surfaces, it is often a very exacting transition for a couple. This is the time when the common topic "children" is no longer available. The couple is left to talk about their own individual focus which they now discover is so different. However they can of course learn to give and take and make things work. They can make an effort to ignore their differences and consciously look out for activities they both enjoyed. They can then spend some time doing these activities together whilst giving space to each other. But what I am saying it is so good if the "mo qi" comes naturally. Dictionary explains "mo qi" as "tacitly in agreement" (haha that is the best dictionary I have at home)
PS. please correct me if i used the words wrongly
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
puppet unwired
I realise it is not easy for a puppet to move when finally released from strings and wires.
I read Ignatious Low's article over the weekend. He related how he had followed advice and took paths which offered most prospects (and which did) but finally switched career and found happiness in the thing he loves most, writing.
I am perhaps half a generation older than him and was brought up to be perhaps even more focused on the practical aspects of life. My parents, her parents and their parents struggled to stay alive in China. With these struggles values are imbued that passed down survial kits to future generations.Hence I was taught to study hard, work hard to earn a living, try hard to be a good daughter and mother all my life. I was so wired and conditioned that I did not spare time to reflect what "I" as an individual really want for "myself" and what would really make "me" happy.
I have now quit my job and am free to pursue what I really like to do. However , beware, that does not come easy as most people think, I mean knowing what you really like to do. Also beware, the guilt feeling of being an "idler" and "economically inactive" denizen may also plague you at times. This is more so with wise men in the government issuing constant warnings that you will surely die early if you retire and can't find anything worthwhile to do. Yes, I delight in doing stuff like story telling and I do find some purpose volunteering at schools. But the true passion is still undiscovered and I am not even sure whether I have any at all . Sigh, I feel that after all these years of not letting any real passion surface, it could have been lost forever. It takes much to rekindle the lost flames. (this was drafted earlier, new feelings below)
I met up with a long lost classmate yesterday. After varsity she became a PE teacher and after stints at a few schools, was posted to a prestigious school where she remained for several years. She quit late last year and after a break is taking up a PE teaching job in Msia. As you could have imagined, we had a lot to share. I remarked it must be a biological clock inside us that prompts us to do something different. But what she tells me gave me further insight. She commented how she hoped to go back to do the basics that she loved in teaching PE. She meant basics like bringing the student hiking, running and exploring nature etc. In her former top ranking school, she constantly had to think of new things to show that the school is always on the ball, always "one up", to impress parents and achieve certain KPIs (key performanc indicators).
Now it strikes me that my earlier lament about not finding real passion may not be so relevant after all. Passion or maybe let's call it by a lesser name, "things I like to do" may after all lie in the basics. So, it need not be such grandiose plans as writing a book, being a world relief social worker or opening a chocolate outlet (haha not for several lifetimes). It could just be activities that draw simple remarks, like from someone saying, "I feel better after talking to you" or a simple comment from your son "Mum, your cooking is not bad huh".
I read Ignatious Low's article over the weekend. He related how he had followed advice and took paths which offered most prospects (and which did) but finally switched career and found happiness in the thing he loves most, writing.
I am perhaps half a generation older than him and was brought up to be perhaps even more focused on the practical aspects of life. My parents, her parents and their parents struggled to stay alive in China. With these struggles values are imbued that passed down survial kits to future generations.Hence I was taught to study hard, work hard to earn a living, try hard to be a good daughter and mother all my life. I was so wired and conditioned that I did not spare time to reflect what "I" as an individual really want for "myself" and what would really make "me" happy.
I have now quit my job and am free to pursue what I really like to do. However , beware, that does not come easy as most people think, I mean knowing what you really like to do. Also beware, the guilt feeling of being an "idler" and "economically inactive" denizen may also plague you at times. This is more so with wise men in the government issuing constant warnings that you will surely die early if you retire and can't find anything worthwhile to do. Yes, I delight in doing stuff like story telling and I do find some purpose volunteering at schools. But the true passion is still undiscovered and I am not even sure whether I have any at all . Sigh, I feel that after all these years of not letting any real passion surface, it could have been lost forever. It takes much to rekindle the lost flames. (this was drafted earlier, new feelings below)
I met up with a long lost classmate yesterday. After varsity she became a PE teacher and after stints at a few schools, was posted to a prestigious school where she remained for several years. She quit late last year and after a break is taking up a PE teaching job in Msia. As you could have imagined, we had a lot to share. I remarked it must be a biological clock inside us that prompts us to do something different. But what she tells me gave me further insight. She commented how she hoped to go back to do the basics that she loved in teaching PE. She meant basics like bringing the student hiking, running and exploring nature etc. In her former top ranking school, she constantly had to think of new things to show that the school is always on the ball, always "one up", to impress parents and achieve certain KPIs (key performanc indicators).
Now it strikes me that my earlier lament about not finding real passion may not be so relevant after all. Passion or maybe let's call it by a lesser name, "things I like to do" may after all lie in the basics. So, it need not be such grandiose plans as writing a book, being a world relief social worker or opening a chocolate outlet (haha not for several lifetimes). It could just be activities that draw simple remarks, like from someone saying, "I feel better after talking to you" or a simple comment from your son "Mum, your cooking is not bad huh".
Sunday, March 30, 2008
They dare to be different- but I am apprehensive
One Big Irony. On the one hand I am having difficulty getting my clients at school to be interested in some school subjects or something other than computer games or TV etc; whilst on the other hand back home my son tells me he prefers philosophy to business in uni because he has passion for it. "Philosophy?? What will you be upon graduation???"
Both my children want to pursue their interest. So instead of the well trodden, well provened paths of doing say business, accountancy, engingeering in the local uni (which will write you a lifetime paycheck in Spore) they prefer liberal arts in US and UK, albeit renowned overseas. The money saved pursuing the well acknowledged local degrees could help pay for their first HDB flat giving them a good start by material standards.
Here I am writing whilst thinking. Why do I let them (or should I for the one intending to go) when I am apprehensive of their job prospects? You see I love to watch a lot of chinese historical epics. I am so impressed by how much emphasis and importance the emperors and officials placed in getting the best teachers for their children and how much the scholars revered their teachers. I, rightly or wrongly am influenced by this romantic notion of "learning" beyond just acquiring a vocational skill. I honestly feel it is money better spent than "already owning a fully paid HDB flat". I do not find many parents in Spore who agree with me. Hence I have to consistently convince myself my children will be better off; though not materially, will look back one day when they are old and be thankful for the experience and the learning that has enriched their lives. I hope they will not look back and say " Heck, should have used the money for a HDB flat instead " I hope the joy of learning and broadening their minds would be priceless and will launch them into some deeper appreciation of life.
Both my children want to pursue their interest. So instead of the well trodden, well provened paths of doing say business, accountancy, engingeering in the local uni (which will write you a lifetime paycheck in Spore) they prefer liberal arts in US and UK, albeit renowned overseas. The money saved pursuing the well acknowledged local degrees could help pay for their first HDB flat giving them a good start by material standards.
Here I am writing whilst thinking. Why do I let them (or should I for the one intending to go) when I am apprehensive of their job prospects? You see I love to watch a lot of chinese historical epics. I am so impressed by how much emphasis and importance the emperors and officials placed in getting the best teachers for their children and how much the scholars revered their teachers. I, rightly or wrongly am influenced by this romantic notion of "learning" beyond just acquiring a vocational skill. I honestly feel it is money better spent than "already owning a fully paid HDB flat". I do not find many parents in Spore who agree with me. Hence I have to consistently convince myself my children will be better off; though not materially, will look back one day when they are old and be thankful for the experience and the learning that has enriched their lives. I hope they will not look back and say " Heck, should have used the money for a HDB flat instead " I hope the joy of learning and broadening their minds would be priceless and will launch them into some deeper appreciation of life.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
WALL STREET BOSSES DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING
Good article by Michael Lewis (BT 27 Mar)- my summary
Bear Sterns was closely scrutinised as a public corp by shrewd analysts and at least one billionaire investor who has the means and power to know (he was long Bears at US$107 per share).
On Mar 11 an analyst has listed the stock as a "buy" at US$62. On CNBC he advised "Bear Sterns is fine! Do not take your money out of Bear".Over the following weekend when the market was closed JP Morgan was negotiating to buy at US$2 (Now they are talking about US$10).
Not that the bosses didn't care when their firms are about to collapse, they "DIDN'T KNOW". These Wall Street bosses don't fully unerstand what their traders are doing. Here I must say I empathise with them. When I was a corporate treasurer I was shown lots of derivative structures by bankers. When the explanations failed to enlighten me despite several attempts, these fellas would give you that look which tells their patience is being tested; whilst you wonder whether they think you are so dumb.Of course when a CEO demands a clear explanation of what the traders are doing, he will get a full explanation as long as he cares to have it, without any fear of being branded dumb by his subordinates. Or is that really so? Sometimes I wonder about CEO and bosses whether they fear that their subordinates think they are "actually quite blur" if they ask for too much clarification. Hmm...maybe they do. That may explain (from my past experience) why I got fewer questions when the subject got more technical and in depth whilst easier lay-man topics got hell a lot of queries.
Anyway back to Wall Street bosses, apparently Charles Prince is not fully aware of the impact of Citibank's exposure to "liquidity puts" (research yourself if you really want to understand). Apparently Rubin the guy who took over said he never heard of "liquidity puts". Actually come to think of it, those fellas who came and market these products didnt really understand themselves, huh.
Anyway the article concluded that the CEOs are neither lazy or stupid, they are just trapped because if they interfered with the latest thingy dreamed out by the bright young things which are making huge sums of money, they may lose them to other big firms. "He's a hostage of his cleverest employees".
My further comment is - stupid or not the CEOs have made enough for themselves.
Bear Sterns was closely scrutinised as a public corp by shrewd analysts and at least one billionaire investor who has the means and power to know (he was long Bears at US$107 per share).
On Mar 11 an analyst has listed the stock as a "buy" at US$62. On CNBC he advised "Bear Sterns is fine! Do not take your money out of Bear".Over the following weekend when the market was closed JP Morgan was negotiating to buy at US$2 (Now they are talking about US$10).
Not that the bosses didn't care when their firms are about to collapse, they "DIDN'T KNOW". These Wall Street bosses don't fully unerstand what their traders are doing. Here I must say I empathise with them. When I was a corporate treasurer I was shown lots of derivative structures by bankers. When the explanations failed to enlighten me despite several attempts, these fellas would give you that look which tells their patience is being tested; whilst you wonder whether they think you are so dumb.Of course when a CEO demands a clear explanation of what the traders are doing, he will get a full explanation as long as he cares to have it, without any fear of being branded dumb by his subordinates. Or is that really so? Sometimes I wonder about CEO and bosses whether they fear that their subordinates think they are "actually quite blur" if they ask for too much clarification. Hmm...maybe they do. That may explain (from my past experience) why I got fewer questions when the subject got more technical and in depth whilst easier lay-man topics got hell a lot of queries.
Anyway back to Wall Street bosses, apparently Charles Prince is not fully aware of the impact of Citibank's exposure to "liquidity puts" (research yourself if you really want to understand). Apparently Rubin the guy who took over said he never heard of "liquidity puts". Actually come to think of it, those fellas who came and market these products didnt really understand themselves, huh.
Anyway the article concluded that the CEOs are neither lazy or stupid, they are just trapped because if they interfered with the latest thingy dreamed out by the bright young things which are making huge sums of money, they may lose them to other big firms. "He's a hostage of his cleverest employees".
My further comment is - stupid or not the CEOs have made enough for themselves.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
OUCH- a beautiful book
Came across this book "Ouch" by Ragnhild Scamell. Lovely illustrations by Michael Terry. Will use it for story telling.Go borrow from NLB and share with young kids or easily amused adults. I love the pictures so much I am contemplating buying it to share with future generations (if I am fortunate!!!).
Story is about a hedgehog (the squirrel looking creature with spikes on its back).Just when the hedgehog has finished building her winter nest under an apple tree, an apple dropped and got stuck onto her spikes. A passing squirrel with an armful of nuts tried to tug it out but failed. To make it worse some nuts got caught in the spikes. A smart alec pig suggested that the hedgehog rolled on the ground to free herself. As you could have guessed a pear and a crumpled leaf lying on the ground added to the hedgehog's burden.A frog suggested that the hedgehog dive into the pond which she did and picked up a water lily instead. Beautiful illustration, the heap on the hedgehog haha. Her friends could not help but laughed at her funny sight. The hedgehog was mad and lamented "It's not fair". After 2 more misadventures and increased burden the hedgehog met a goat. "Oooh!" cried the goat "You've bought LUNCH". "Help yourself" said the hedgehog. She never felt so light when relieved of her burden and ran as fast as she could to her winter nest. The drawings are so adorable!
Yes often time when troubles seem unabated, a goat will drift into your life and nonchalantly help you resolve them. The "goat" may be a person, a circumstance or for that matter anything at all.
Story is about a hedgehog (the squirrel looking creature with spikes on its back).Just when the hedgehog has finished building her winter nest under an apple tree, an apple dropped and got stuck onto her spikes. A passing squirrel with an armful of nuts tried to tug it out but failed. To make it worse some nuts got caught in the spikes. A smart alec pig suggested that the hedgehog rolled on the ground to free herself. As you could have guessed a pear and a crumpled leaf lying on the ground added to the hedgehog's burden.A frog suggested that the hedgehog dive into the pond which she did and picked up a water lily instead. Beautiful illustration, the heap on the hedgehog haha. Her friends could not help but laughed at her funny sight. The hedgehog was mad and lamented "It's not fair". After 2 more misadventures and increased burden the hedgehog met a goat. "Oooh!" cried the goat "You've bought LUNCH". "Help yourself" said the hedgehog. She never felt so light when relieved of her burden and ran as fast as she could to her winter nest. The drawings are so adorable!
Yes often time when troubles seem unabated, a goat will drift into your life and nonchalantly help you resolve them. The "goat" may be a person, a circumstance or for that matter anything at all.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Happiness- refreshing description
Read this from a magazine, thought it is quite practical.
"HOW TO BE HAPPY" - Extracts from Robert Louis Stevenson:
No one has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears.
Don't take yourself too seriously. Don't think that somehow you should be protected from misfortune that befalls other people.
Don't spend your time brooding over sorrows or mistakes. Don't be one who never gets over things.
"HOW TO BE HAPPY" - Extracts from Robert Louis Stevenson:
No one has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears.
Don't take yourself too seriously. Don't think that somehow you should be protected from misfortune that befalls other people.
Don't spend your time brooding over sorrows or mistakes. Don't be one who never gets over things.
Friday, March 7, 2008
My hairdresser drives away the blues
Of late I was having the blues,partly due to the virus/bacteria which my son caught from Tekong and partly due to 2 counselling cases which kind of made me feel helpless.
Sometimes, however, hope and encouragement seem to slip in when you least expected it. I went to this Jean Yip saloon to treat and color my hair. I just wanted to relax and was not particularly excited about this girl apprentice who tried to strike a conversation. She commented I looked really tired and asked whether I had a hard day in the office. I told her I was not working and just wished that would shut her up. She however kept on enquiring about what I did in my "spare' time etc etc. I gave up. Anyhow she kept on and on until she found out I volunteered as a counsellor in a neighbourhood school.
That was when she poured out her whole life story about how she was also counselled but took no heed. We then engaged in a most interesting conversation when I actually asked about her feelings and thoughts etc when she was in school(She is in her early twenties now). We discussed in general why students lack motivation and I got very honest feedback from her that at that age the teenagers have really no inkling what they want to be and feel no urgency at all to plan. She said she drifted into ITE doing some mechanical course which she had no interest. Then suddenly she matured and she told herself she better start to plan what she really wanted to be. (Haha it is quite engaging talking to these people, they are so frank and forthcoming, so unguarded.) She then kept on encouraging me not to be disheartened, said "teenagers are like that" and "they like to have someone to talk to" and kept on commenting about my volunteering services "hao" "zhen de hen hao" (good job) blah, blah, blah. Maybe she is exercising a lot of EQ towards her client but she did brighten up my day.
Sometimes, however, hope and encouragement seem to slip in when you least expected it. I went to this Jean Yip saloon to treat and color my hair. I just wanted to relax and was not particularly excited about this girl apprentice who tried to strike a conversation. She commented I looked really tired and asked whether I had a hard day in the office. I told her I was not working and just wished that would shut her up. She however kept on enquiring about what I did in my "spare' time etc etc. I gave up. Anyhow she kept on and on until she found out I volunteered as a counsellor in a neighbourhood school.
That was when she poured out her whole life story about how she was also counselled but took no heed. We then engaged in a most interesting conversation when I actually asked about her feelings and thoughts etc when she was in school(She is in her early twenties now). We discussed in general why students lack motivation and I got very honest feedback from her that at that age the teenagers have really no inkling what they want to be and feel no urgency at all to plan. She said she drifted into ITE doing some mechanical course which she had no interest. Then suddenly she matured and she told herself she better start to plan what she really wanted to be. (Haha it is quite engaging talking to these people, they are so frank and forthcoming, so unguarded.) She then kept on encouraging me not to be disheartened, said "teenagers are like that" and "they like to have someone to talk to" and kept on commenting about my volunteering services "hao" "zhen de hen hao" (good job) blah, blah, blah. Maybe she is exercising a lot of EQ towards her client but she did brighten up my day.
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